Ia m in recovery as well as having a mental illness I often find myself backed into a corner not knowing what to say anymore my depression has taken hold and it hurts my heart to realize where Iam in my life I feel like Ishould be doing more but I do what I can by sharing how I feel to hopefully save an addict about to relapse or a newcomer remeber never to forget where they come from I still have difficult time lately really hard time but Ikeep going to the best of my ability and knowing it only takes a desire to be a member at times puts me at ease. Today I am not sure what would quiet my mind so I thought I would post and maybe some one could relate
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I go threw so much mental crap I can't even tell you Manon and should probably be on some medication, I just keep surrendering and keep fighting even and i pray a lot but probably not enough I make trouble out of everything and i feel like giving up sometimes not on recovery but on this life i'm living. Feel like packing up my crap and going somewhere else and starting over, some where quieter and more peaceful, the stress of work and finding work to stay afloat was bothering me today, dealing with another person in my life and things aren't what I wanted is bugging me.
Yeah I go nutz on a daily basis just about but I know using wont fix anything it will only make what I have worse, just have to appreciate what I have today cuase its been a whole lot worse I used to have nothing.....nothing but trying to get my next fix and hating myself.
in fact Im a lot like Vin,,, this Program has taught me to cope with mood swings. But sis-love Manon,,, there are Forums where recovering addicts who take medicine for bipolar do share with each other on internet,,, so here it is= allaboutyouandme@yahoogroups.com I hope that helps...
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
manon i feel many many times that i have not become who i was meant to be, the drugs certainly stalled that process. its possible its to late for me to ever find out what " could have been." the real beauty im finding in recovery besides being clean. is a new found ability to begin working on just being me and being happy with just me. im not always successful but its always in my mind. i am a decent person, i am a good friend.im ok even after all ive put myself through. if the people in the program can forgive me,and my HP can forgive me, then its really not such a giant step of faith to forgive myself..im still working on it.im a continuing project..but being clean lets me work on it.and boy what a gift. thanks for your posts manon and everyone else.
__________________
" If you have built castles in the air , your work need not be lost ; that is where they should be . Now put the foundations under them . "
Raman I tried to find that group it says it can't be found so......... I just waned to thank those who have responded to my thread I always like to hear feedback
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
sorry Manon,,silly mistake on my part. it actually is= allaboutme_n_you@yahoogroups.com pls. type that in a search engine or send an email to that I'd and they'll put you on the list,,
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I don't know a recovering addict that doesn't relate. We all feel backed up in corners at times which doesn't feel very good, but the good thing is those time pass. The thing that helps me the most is prayer and getting out of the house and driving. Listening to music is a great mood elevator for me. Hopefully you can find something to help you out of the down days in your recovery. Remember 'when life shuts the door, God opens a window.' Tip
Gotta get used to the idea that this too shall pass it might be painful as hell at times but that will pass eventually.
I really love how i can pretty much shut off my thoughts my thoughts used to rule me and my actions I still struggle there are times when I am vulnerable to snapping and going unwound, and I hate it when I do because its destructive.
Someone once told me I was like a tornado going threw the lives of other people, I felt terrible about that I want to be a maybe just a quiet storm someday
im in a real tizzy now,,, heads spinning with thoughts and body feels strange.. am i feeling new feelings that have come back again to be felt and let go of,,feelings that i once avoided feeling . or are these new feelings that i need to experience in order to feel human again ?? God only knows !!!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
It get's better. My first and greatest sponsor told me that "Feelings are NOT facts". He said go ahead and feel them, sort out what you are feeling (fear, anger, joy, love...) and then get your head back in what's happening today.
It took a long long time for this recovering addict to feel feelings in real time. I was so used to stuffing my feelings (or medicating over them) that I walked around numb most of the time and when something unusual would happen, where I would normally react with feeling, I often wouldn't feel anything until later. If I was supposed to feel threatened and should've stuck up for myself and didn't, I'd relive the situation over and over again (in my head) beating myself up over it (resentment). If I was supposed to fell joy or happiness, I'd have to go find someone to validate my feelings (gaining approval), by bragging about what happened. That's why we like to take people with us to events, so that we can live vicariously (in real time) with them and their feelings, think about it.
As for the roller coaster. can't let the highs get to high and ignore (muddle trudge) the lows To me, depression is living negative past experiences over an over in your head till the pain gets so unbearable your brain releases dopamine and shuts you down. Don't dwell on the past, there is nothing there for you. Let go and let God. God is only here in the present. Keep you head in today, get out in the woods on a trail. (exercise is the #1 treatment for depression) Hear the sounds, smell the smells, see the animals and the plants, that's what's real. The big mess that man has created is an illusion that some day will be all gone including us, once the earth has rid herself of this parasite called Man. Everytime that you're feeling bad, ask yourself "am I living in today right now?"
