Welcome to the board Willowmember. That's quite a share of experience there. My dad used to let me drink his beer at something like 6 yo. I think it was somewhat common back then. When I was 8 my 10 year old friends, and I, would steel our parents booze (and buy booze thru teenagers) and get drunk. We felt the same way about "blessed nothingness". I started smoking pot at age 11. All throughout my early and late teens we hung out at this neighborhood rec. center and got high in the woods. It made life bareable.
The bottom line is that drugs of all kinds (including cigarettes) relieve stress very well. Life is difficult and the relief is welcomed and as time goes on it's welcomed daily then hourly, then 24/7. In the process these drugs criple our natural ability to relieve stress on our own. Our tolorence to stress becomes lower and lower till we can't cope with anything or anybody. Ever wonder how most homeless street people got there?
We, as recovering addicts have to replace, rebuild our natural ability to relieve stress. And become independent of stress relieving (and causing) substances. We have to welcome our emotions and learn that feelings are not facts. When we were mood altering, to get rid of the feelings of fear, pain, insecurity, anger....we also got rid of joy, happiness, peace, love.. as feelings are a package deal. We had to Learn to live a meaningful life on life's terms complete with a relationship with nature and an understanding that we are not the center of the universe. Spirituality leads us to that place.
If you've never been an addict, in the physical sense, since your parents did that to you, you sure are explaining the thoughts and impulses that an addict thinks when craving. Being a child of two addicts you have a high probability of being one genitically and of course thru learned behavior meaning you can certainly have this disease before it Has You. If you like to read, a great book to give you the knowledge of how multigeneration dysfunctional families evolve, and the interworkings of addiction, pick up a copy of "On the family" by John Bradshaw. It's an easy 100 page read and available everywhere (including amazon) for $8.
Thanks Raman, I hope that Willowmember will come back and join us with the knowledge that her/his anonymity is protected here and it is safe to talk about your experience, strength, and hope here. What ever our experiences are, when we share them we reduce their power over us and the power of our program is learning that we are not unique in that our experiences have be had by other members, and most times much worse has occured to others. When we see their strength in dealing with their present and past, we tap into that strength through osmosis by duplicating their efforts in working the program. It works if you work it.
I missed your original post, but want to wish you a warm welcome to MIP. I hope to be quick enough to see your future comments! (Just teasing in a loving way.)
