When we as addicts are in relationships before we get clean a lot of questions come to mind when we get clean. Certain questions that play heavy in my mind are: 1. Why did I get involved with her? 2. Why do I always go back? 3. Do I love her? Can anyone else relate to these questions? We as addicts seem to gravitate to partners who are dysfunctional also. Why, because who else would put up with our shit. LOL. But seriously, My current situation is I have been involved (off & on) with my nine year old twins' mother for about ten years. During this time I have consistently tried my best to patch things up after I used (Cocaine)the night before but before using wanting out of the relationship. I felt trapped in this relationship and regrettably made decisions about my life because she wanted it. (ex. single family as opposed to multi-family) You know how when remember things we tend to filter out negative things from our memories. Well I'm pretty good at that and many times I used that filter to get back with her because she was available and wanted to restart the relationship too. Well that's enough about dsyfunction, I'm clean and I want to live my life functionally. I need to sort out my real feelings. The only true love i've ever experienced was for my daughters. I have to stay away from the twins' mother sexually because I feel I'm only using her. I'm posting this to just hear from other addicts who can relate and to give me strength to stay on the right path. Thank you Bill G.
Thanks for sharing Bill,,, im getting great insight about how we deal with it !! There are no right or wrong answers says the 10th Step,,, as long as have stayed clean today we are doing something right !! AS of now,,, Im in a long distance relationship !! Though there are few difficulties i had to face (and she too) were fablously in ove with each other and both of us cannot think of life without each other !! However weve had some communication issues and basically i realize its me who needs to grow in honesty and social skills. I love my babe way too much to be selfish with her,,, and to me love is the flow of Life Force and Energy from one to another !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I am having difficulty dealing with emotions around a relationship also. My ex-husband and I have been seperated/ divorced about 8 months now. We have been such close friend for so long , just the marriage didnt work~we wanted different things at different times, anyways. As soon as we seperated he started seeing a girl- a lot younger- also in recovery. Now we talk constant, but he says we cant hang out because she would not understand. That he cares for me and we are friends, but what hurts me is that our friendship is not important enough for him to stand up and say "hey shes my friend" says because I am his "ex" wtf? I think maybe he is using her as an excuse to hide underlying fears or that he is completely FOS! and just keeps me hangin on because when he cant find any other solution to lifes overwhelming circumstances I present one to him. I dont want to have to not have him a part of my life, but this half ___, stuff hurts me and I feel like I deserve to be treated so much better. Why do the people we are closest to hurt us the most?
You might have to let go completely until he gets his shit together. If he is truly FOS he is not going to become better. (not now anyway) If that's the case, you won't have to suffer as much as you are now. It also sounds like he is not being truly honest anyway. Otherwise you and the other girl would have met and maybe not be best friends but there would be an understanding between each other. My prayers are with you, be strong because as you know nothing worth it comes easy.
HI Kristi.E,,, a simple suggestion,, please take it or leave it but I have to share this with you= many times in relationships we make mistakes because we infer wrongly. Thats why communication is the key to more serenity in relationships. I know im not you but if I were,, ill stop judging and agonizing and instead ask my exhusband=
"what happened to our friendship ?" and then further more will be revealed about where were headed ! !!! The iomportanat thing for me is to accept I cannot change another person,,, I need to change my attitudes.
-- Edited by Raman at 15:10, 2008-06-16
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
