Bll welcome .

We get it in our own time and Gods, his timing might be different the our own, maybe this continuos relapsing is not for no reason, we're ready when we're ready.

I did it too it took many futile attempts before I was able to put a year together then after over 5 years I had a short relapse I am now 22 months clean again.

I dont worry about whats happened I think about today and what i'm doing NOW, stay in that world your better off.

Honesty  thats what got me to relapse or there of the lack of thats a tough issue for some of us the denial of being dishonest I suppose also, get that cleared up and your chances are one helluva lot better to continue to remain abstinant and work a better program and have a better life and carry on in recovery.

You know what you need to do and when you dont meditate on it and ask if your still around higher powers got a purpose for you and its probably that you get and remain sober to help out other addicts like yourself.

Thanks for posting keep coming back

hi bill , im anthony..ive relapsed a few times myself.my first born sons first birthday was celebrated in a treatment center 25 years ago. i stayed clean for about 6 months.when i moved from hawaii to wash.st. i caught the movers getting high.well hell i had 6 months clean i had that stuff licked i could now CONTROL my use. so  i joined them. it was just that easy. 30 days later it was like i never stopped.my wife caught me crying in a closet a year later withdrawing hard and swearing i was kicking this time.i found a meeting and worked hard.i shared alot ,i made friends,i attended conventions and retreats.i guest spoke .i even made a tape on recovery out there somewhere. at 5 years clean i began doing lots of service.first chairing meetings.then chairing several.i sat on a board and because i was such an inspiration.because i was so good at working the program and because i was so involved.i was trusted to become the finacial secretary for an entire area.i soon began thinking " hell i got 5 ,6 ,7 years clean now..all these people look up to me.im a freaking NA god.i was 8 years clean when i began stealing the cash. ( i kept lousy records ) and getting high.it would be 15 more years till i came back..so now here i am.dogfaced and down 7 days clean.and you my friend are the one that helps me. you keep coming back .find that sponser and good luck to you .

Hi Bill and welcome to MIP! Looks like you're doing great. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness are the keys - you've got them all. The rest is all about time - it takes time to feel better; it takes time to believe; it takes time to establish a relationship with a new sponsor.

Probably most important to remember, though, is that thoughts and feelings are temporary. I am powerless over my thoughts and feelings. It's a good thing, too, 'cause they can be pretty whacked. But hey, they come and go at will, so no point in getting upset over any of them. Just let them come and let them go.

I CAN RELATE TO THAT IN THE PRESENT.SEE AFTER ALMOST 16 MONTHS I GOT HIGH AGAIN, FIRST MARY JANE, AND A DRINK, HOWEVER IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE I RESORTED BACK TO MY DRUG OF CHOICE(CRACK COCAINE)NOW I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GET A DAY CLEAN...I'VE BEEN BACK IN ACTIVE ADDICTION SINCE MAY 31ST, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE MY OLDEST DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY.

ONE OF THE THINGS I FEARED THE MOST WAS RETURING TO ACTIVE ADDICTION, AND ALTHOUGH THINGS AREN'T REACH THE EXTREME YET I KNOW IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, IF I CONTINUE TO USE.I FIND MYSELF WANTING TO POINT THE FINGER AND BLAME OTHERS FOR THIS SELF IMPOSE CRISIS I ALLOW MYSELF TO SLIP BACK IN, HOWEVER KEEPING IT REAL I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I CAN FAULT NO ONE BUT SELF...SO AS A MOVE FORWARD I HAVE TO RE-ADAPT THE MIND-SET OF JUST KEEPING THINGS IN THE MOMENT.