okay I should feel on top of the world but instead my head is filled with confusion. I know I look better but my mind has not caught on yet I am still really insecure and I worry like crazy I don't think I know how to do anything else I am lonely, which is normal after my son leaves but this has more to do with emotions outside my family the way I feel about me I drive myself nuts I can only imagine how that affects other ppl I would wanna run too. I am so afraid of spending the rest of my life alone with out a life mate. I know part of that is unreasonable but damn it feels so real. My social skills suck so getting to know ppl is hard I have a handful of who I would consider my real friends. How do I break the cycle??????? ??
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
This might be good to read Manon , it's todays Just for Today
Sick And Tired "We wanted an easy way out.... When we did seek help we were only looking for the absence of pain." Basic Text, page 5
Something's not working. In fact, something's been wrong for a long time, causing us pain and complicating our lives. The problem is that, at any given moment, it always appears easier to continue bearing the pain of our defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way we live. We may long to be free of pain, but only rarely are we willing to do what's truly necessary to remove the source of pain from our lives.
Most of us didn't begin seeking recovery from addiction until we were "sick and tired of being tired and sick." The same is true of the lingering character defects we've carried through our lives. Only when we can't bear our shortcomings one moment longer, only when we know that the pain of change can't be as bad as the pain we're in today, are most of us willing to try something different.
Thankfully, the steps are always there, no matter what we're sick and tired of. The irony is that, as soon as we make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, we realize our fears of change were groundless. The steps offer a gentle program of change, one step at a time. No single step is so frightening that we can't work it, by itself. As we apply the steps to our lives, we experience a change that frees us.
Just for today: No matter what prevents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps. Page 160
For me, I don't think that I SHOULD feel at the top of the world all the time. When I do, I do. And when I don't, I don't. It's ok that I am confused or depressed. It's a normal human condition, and I don't have to demand I be something more than human
All I need to do is share it with others, like you're doing Rayne, and benefit from others' similar experiences and how they deal with these issues with the help of the program...
I was a chronic depressive, diagnosed and under medication for almost 6 years. Now, I've been free of it for more than 3 years. This became possible only when I started questioning myself with questions like "Is it true that I must be feeling happy now?", "Is it true that I must never feel down and out?"...
The turnaround came when I realized that it's ok that I'm not feeling ok. I started letting it all be. I started acknowledging what I've been thinking and feeling, and addressed them with the help of my Sponsor and the program. Today, when I am discomfort with my thoughts or feelings, I see it as an opportunity to inventory, learn and grow... Doing this is not easy for me still, but it sure is simple if I just open my mind and become willing
Hope and pray that you get to feel better Rayne, This too shall pass...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
