Hi, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Justin and I'm a drug addict. I live in the Western Kentucky region. In January of 07 I went to a treatment center due to IV opiate use. I stayed for 5 and one half months and then came home. Since coming home I constantly relapse. I'm tired of going in to AA/NA meetings and getting a white chip or a white keytag. I'm tired of the misery. I go to meetings after a moment of clarity filled with shame and regret. What am I doing wrong? I've lied to everyone I love lately and am starting to lose everything again. I want this program. I want this life. I'm tired of lying to myself. I'm scared and do not know what to do. After reading this board I realized how far away from this program I've pushed myself. I used to tell my Higher Power please in the morning and thank you at night, but now I'm just trying to find ways to validate using. As of right now I'm about 15 hours into staying sober. I'm hurting, nervous, just withdrawl sick. I do not know what to do. If you have any suggestions please share them. I'm only 23 years old. I want to be sober now, not when I'm 45. I don't want to waste my life. Please help me if you can.
The ONLY requirement for membership is the desire to stop using. This is a "we" program, but that desire must come from you.
For me one of my biggest issues was saying I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable. A reoccuring theme of those who go out seems to me that they never realy believed this.
Get a sponsor, go to meetings, buy into the steps, surrender and turn your life over...just don't get high today. Let tomorow take care of itself!
Dave, Thanks for the kind words man. I think I've come to that realization. I'm tired of trying to control everything. Thank God I have a buddy my age in the program with 2 years sobriety. I called him earlier and asked him to sponsor me. I went to a meeting and got my white chip earlier. I'm serious about it this time. Before I've been here for a judge, a significant other, or my family. Now I'm here for me. I want this. I have the NA basic text at home, and I haven't opened it or touched it in so long that there is more than likely dust on it. My sponsor suggested that I crack it open, so that's what I'm going to do. I told my family yesterday that I'm having some struggles with this again. They told me that they would support me but they cannot save me. I needed to hear that. I'm so happy I found this board. Sometimes it's easier to write what you feel than say it. It is for me anyway, right now.
Etheryl we're only as good for you as you are to yourself, you really gotta want this recovery stuff.
And then after awhile recovery becomes your life, day in day out but each day that desire to stay clean has got to be there.
Theres going to be bumps humps hills and valleys the idea is to stay clean threw it all, we're doing it here some of us on a daily basis sometimes its simply down to seconds and minutes.
You have the NA book so I sugest you start by reading pages 74 -83 its called Recovery and Relapse you may find a lot there to help you understand where your at.
And its all about where your going are you going to go down the tubes of addiction or are you going to recover from this hopelessness and have a good life? its all up to you just take a few suggestions and get totally honest and willing and stay openminded.
You sound like a good guy you sound like this is what you want, it's just that you need to come to the point of total absolute surrender and thats a very very painful journey for a few of us, it was for me but today at 46 I would not change a thing because I may not have what I have today, 21 months clean and I did relapse after having over 5 years clean we learn not to beat ourselves up in this program, thats another good thing .
Just keep trying you'll get there dont kill yourself inbetween.
first off ..hi justin , im glad your here..im the 45 year old guy you dont want to be..except im 48.i started using.when i was 12.although i suppose it was much earlier than that..ive relapsed badly several times..my best friends are dealers..lol or so i thought. ive also lied to everyone that i cared about or loved..including my own kids. ive even done something you dont hear about much in here. i was over 5 years clean and doing lots of service for NA . i became the financial guy for my area. big meetings taking in a couple hundred bucks a night, 7 nights a week..even some NA folks cant forgive me ripping off NA to go get high..talk about shame..all i can do is get clean today,and deal with that step when its time.Justin ty for being her.ty for sharing . its you thats going to help me get better.i need you to help me.im wishing you the best of luck...IF ITS YOUR TIME, you can do this. tks again,oh and btw..my last relaspe lasted 15 years , through every day of it i carried a chip in my pocket.you might say it didnt work, but here i am..good luck dude.
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" If you have built castles in the air , your work need not be lost ; that is where they should be . Now put the foundations under them . "
