I've been praying to my Higher Power (aka God) that His will be done in my life, not my own, daily - sometimes multiple times. My spouse just cannot seem to understand why I could not just "STOP" using, for him, children, etc. He does not wish to learn anything about my addiction or recovery. He just wants me "Fixed". Any similar experience, strength, hope will be appreciated.
I had an alcoholic spouse who told me I was her trigger. My sponsor told me to look into Al anon, and I was surprised to find that their program uses the twelve steps too. ie I was powerless over alcohol (her drinking) and it made MY life unmanageable. Maybe your spouse might consider visiting their fellowship.....
I will continue to suggest this, hopefully he will decide to learn about my addiction. I know if he were more supportive and knowledgeable, I would feel better. Thanks
One of the things about us addicts is that we expect a lot from others and that usually needs some work done on it to find out where those expectations and needs are coming from.
As long as he supports your staying clean he doesn't need to understand everything , that is what your support group is for, a non addict will seldom understand an addict we're a strange and different lott we're extremely self centered and selfish addiction rules us which we are powerless over until we surrender and accept help from other sources and people .
Thanks for sharing thats what this forum is for glad to have you among us Jamie
I am fortunate that I have a very supportive spouse although he was a recreational user who is working a program as well. Unfortunately, I have family in my life (particularly my sister and her hubby) that don't understand why my kids, family etc. weren't enough to make me quit using. They also don't buy the whole addiction as a disease concept and cannot separate Laners in active addiction from Laners clean and sober. They assume I am the same person all the time which honestly is not the case. It's frustrating and tedious and right now they want nothing to do with me which is hard for me b/c I like to hit problems head on. If there's an issue let's get it out in the open and talk about it. But, that is me and I can't force them to do anything. All I can do is pray for His will to help us as a family thru this, give them information about al-anon and nar-anon meetings in there area (they wonder why they should have to work a program for ME when it is in fact for THEM) and keep doing the work I need to do (clean my side of the road) until we are able to communicate.
I had come to realize through my own personal experiences and what my Sponsor shared with me that my loved ones might never understand my addiction part at all... and that it was not necessary that they do too I just let them be, focusing on my own recovery instead. One step that helped me a lot to cope with their lack of understanding is Step One where I admitted my powerlessness over them and their understanding or lack thereof. I used the Serenity Prayer to accept that they are part of "things that I cannot change"...
Instead of expecting them to understand or looking for support, I turned my focus to those who can understand and relate and could support me fully well - other recovering addicts in NA. As for my loved ones, I have come to accept that they need time to heal, and to heal or not is upto them, not in my power to do anything there. I'm grateful for the family therapy sessions that my rehab gave for my parents at that time, and am grateful for a few AlAnon members who shared their experiences with my family too. Now, down the line after 4 years, my loved ones do understand, and if they don't, it doesn't matter as they see the program and the meetings at work in life...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I just let them be, focusing on my own recovery instead. One step that helped me a lot to cope with their lack of understanding is Step One where I admitted my powerlessness over them and their understanding or lack thereof. I used the Serenity Prayer to accept that they are part of "things that I cannot change"...
