"We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Step Six
After taking the Fifth Step, many of us spend some time considering "the exact nature of our wrongs" and the part they'd played in making us who we were. What would our lives be like without, say, our arrogance?
Sure, arrogance had kept us apart from our fellows, preventing us from enjoying and learning from them. But arrogance had also served us well, propping up our ego in the face of critically low self-esteem. What advantage would be gained if our arrogance were removed, and what support would we be left with?
With arrogance gone, we would be one step closer to being restored to our proper place among others. We would become capable of appreciating their company and their wisdom and their challenges as their equals. Our support and guidance would come, if we chose, from the care offered us by our Higher Power; "low self-esteem" would cease to be an issue.
One by one, we examined our character defects this way, and found them all defectiveafter all, that's why they're called defects. And were we entirely ready to have God remove all of them? Yes.
Just for today: I will thoroughly consider all my defects of character to discover whether I am ready to have the God of my understanding remove them. Page 143
BOY did that part I underlined explain it well for me I was just thinking about this a few days ago and how arrogance serves myself and probably others too.
If I'm staying clean and geting on with life little by little my defects become apparent and i continue to work on removing each one at a time lately its still been keeping my mouth shut when I lose my patience and get frustrated , more and more less and less it becomes difficult to do BUT I still have to work at it, I got tired of the results I got from bad behaviors and now i get along better with others, most of the time :)
My thing used to be anger. I used it to keep me separated from everyone. I would go to meetings and scowl, giving everyone dirty looks so they wouldn't talk to me. I know today that I was really experiencing fear and that I projected anger to protect myself.
My experience with Step 6 is that it's a process of getting sick and tired of myself, so incredibly sick and tired that I would rather hurl myself into the great unknown than live another day as I am.
The pain of letting go is better that the pain of holding onto the defect they say !! One of my major defects has always been anger disguised as sarcasm and showing off. To hurt you id either show off my assets or be sarcastic. I reacted to others who hurt me. The worst part for me in life has been being accused of something I never did. Ive had people in my life that accused me as if they were speaking the truth. That was the time i was most hateful and vindictive. Now God knows hoever long Ive stayed clean and howmuchever i felt serene,, when false accusations come my way Im still very disturbed. Im now going thru a lot of pain ,, I posted a photo of me,my traveling mate Vijai and a recovering addict from Germany sharing recovery on a beach about three months ago. This morning I get the shock of my life when my beloved Sara says shes seen the pics and thats it. Here I am building a dream,,with her in the centre,, and the dream is transforming into reality. even last nite we chatted and I shared how happy I was that Ill be meeting her at last in her country. this morning i see the SMS and now Im broken hearted that a pic of a hug with a Fellow recovering addict who I think of as a recovering sister has created te impression in my darling Saras mind that ive F!@#$% her and so been unfaithful. Instaed of reacting ive been serenely trying to explain what the truth is,,, Im praying Sara will understand !!!!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Great Sixth Step stuff guys, thanks for sharing...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thank God,,,as of now,,(Sara)Jacqueline and I are back together !! She has believed me,, I know now we have gotten stronger ! Thank Goodness I wasnt rejected without being heard !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
