I get most of it. Gossip, it's not good. I have been struggling with this for the past week or so. I am amidst some gossipers and I am also guilty of it. I am doing my best to stop gossiping today unless I have something positive to say that will help another person.

Sorry I have not been here for a while but the internet barely works here in PNG at the best of times. Look forward to reading all the posts I have missed over the last few weeks.

kenh

Ive been harmed like hell by gossip in the local Fellowship,, 
why ,,, 
in fact on my 20 years clean anniversary celebration,,,one very well known gossip asks to share and says this  about me= 
"'when i knew Raman then he was having psychosis,,," 
if this isnt gossip based on false summation what is ? 
And most of all i was surprised to see one chap who hates gossip actually be the only one to laugh when the gossiper said this in the recovery meeting,,, 
i was l very hurt by that but later reasoned that the guy that laughed with the gossiper and laughed at me was in fact most probably having a mood swing and didnt know how else to cope with it. 
But I will not take offence,,, i have a different tactic= when i hear someone has gossiped about me i wait fo a chance and then confront them with evidence.
And boy am i glad its worked each and every time.

-- Edited by Raman at 16:22, 2008-05-06

I could relate to each and every word in this reflection.

Have been there, gone through it all and am grateful that my loving Higher Power sent such experiences my way. I grew a lot as a result. What a spiritual test it was for me, and how well the program worked on those situations. It was a miraculous experience for me, an awakening into the light of love.

I did exactly what is suggested in this reflection, as it was suggested by my Sponsor back then... What a freedom it was.

Today, I continue to breathe freely, in loving ways with these very people who seemed to so affect me during those hard initial times of exposure to gossip and slander. I love them all, and I understand them very well as I see myself in each one of them, very clearly. This gossip that comes my way, subjected at me, reminds me of all those poisonous arrows that I sent or could have sent another's way at times when I am trapped in the clutches of my disease, controlled by my defects of character.

And above all, beyond my need to practise tolerance, forgiveness and unconditional love in those situations where gossip came my way, most importantly perhaps I realized that when I did entertain gossip even if it seemed as a mere casual slip of tongue or even if gossip by others about some other person seemed to appeal to me, I know then and there, right at that moment, that something is not ok with me.

It's usually my low self-esteem, feeling less than or feeling chronically dissatisfied with self or some unidentified part of me that makes me think that by putting down another or by listening to another being putdown, I would get to feel good about myself; that this way, I wouldn't get to look at or focus on what's actually disturbing me

I love the slogan "You Spot it, You Got it." It's so very damn true for this addict.

Also, one important aspect I realized about gossip is that those who actually indulge in gossip or slander about me behind me are not so dangerous or threatening for my emotional stability at all. It's the so-called friends, close ones, who come to me and say "you know I was so angry when I heard them talk like this about you, I wanted to bash them all up..." and then with the utmost care and love, they would tell me exactly what was said about me. These are the real danger. A true friend would never do that, only a pretender would. But I didn't wanna lose these friends just because they were sick, just like me So I started requesting them not to bring any gossip about anyone to me, especially about me by saying "If you are my true friend you wouldn't tell me what so and so told about me and I know you are my good friend, so please keep what you hear to yourself, don't bring it to me." That really helped, and continues to help me stay away from the dangers of gossip.

And beyond that, if I still get to hear some gossip about me doing the rounds, well, I feel that I must be doing something right in the program to be generating so much of interest in others sick moments... lol... Actually, I was an inconspicuous member in the fellowship who nobody knew or heard of. Only the gossip and the slander against me made me popular and famous, and for that, I'm grateful to the gossip-mongers... lol... hehe just kiddin'... But it still would leave me completely surprised and shocked that others could actually forget their dinner, sleep, families and work because they had to meet up at the cafe to gossip about me. Am I that important a figure? Also, I would feel a lot of sadness at times that my presence in their lives is so annoying for these members that they couldn't help but say anything they wanted to about me. Mostly, I would have said something or behaved in a way where I would have made them feel uncomfortable, in my own times of sickness I guess... Again, it's an inside job, both ways... Nothing changes outside me, and everything changes around me once I change my perspective with the help of this program. As a result, I don't see much benefit in moralizing, judging myself or others good or bad, right or wrong. I only see an opportunity for personal growth, be it through sharing and caring with others or through gossip and resentment with others...

I'll stop my ramble here....

I knew this thread would be a great hit with lots of participation as addicts love gossip... hehe... just kiddin' again...

Just reading and listening.... I can see that one ill intended gossiper can affect many people and waste huge amounts of time. It is a dangerous game this gossip, I have been affected by it and have caused other people misery by gossiping as well.

I am going to do my best not to partake in any sort of gossip.

kenh Recovering