My name is Kelly, I am an addict. I have never done this message board thing. My dad goest to Naranon and was telling em to try this because I have a hard time opening up in meetings. So, anyway I'm 25 years old and new to recovery. I spent 22 days in an inpatient facility. I recently celebrated 90 days, I was totally on that "pink cloud" that you hear everyone talking about. I was really comfortable with where I was and that is dangerous. I relapsed after haing over a hundred days, and feeling the best I had in my entire life. I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of the recovery thing. I still attend meetings on a daily basis, and I have great friends in recovery, but I am avoiding getting a new sponser and the steps. My first sponser was a total Christian, which I am not, so I don't want to make the mistake of asking "just anyone" again. I need someone who is going to kick my ass and tell me what to do and when to do it. I find it really difficult to humble myself and ask for help with anything let alone humble myself and ask another addict or alcoholic for help staying clean. I don't know. I am rembling now. If anyone has any suggestions please bring them to my attention. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.
Hi Kelly, It's so good that you go to meetings everyday and that you are clean one more day! Meetings are honestly what get me through and keep me inspired. I have to just keep remembering "One Day at a Time". I just have to stay clean today! I got my 18 months in February and I have had a heck of time with sponsors. I'm just saying that I can relate. Unfortunately, it is totally lack of willingness on my part. They have all offered to be there, but the wheel is still in my hands. I need a kick butt sponsor too. Doing stepwork is only going to improve my life, but I keep fighting against it. Crazy!! I read something today in the 'Daily Meditation for Women' book, called 'Each Day a New Beginning'. (by Karen Casey). It is from April 26 and says "I learn out of necessity. And when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." On a positive note: I have started looking into Step 4 as of yesterday and I'm heading over to do some pencil to paper now. It's time. I want to be able to help people with my own experience and I have to help myself first, by going and doing the work so that I will have it to offer. It's a life long journey, just keep coming back and don't ever give up. You are worth it and deserve the joy of living in recovery. It is the best life I have.
I would like to share my own personal experience with my Sponsor and sponsees here hoping that some part of it might benefit you. In my relationship with my Sponsor, I realized thanks to my first Sponsor's guidance that it's me who must be desperate and willing enough to ask for help and to seek the program that my sponsor has to offer me so that I can make use of the tools that my sponsor passes on to me in my recovery. I was told that it's not the Sponsor who takes control of my life, it never worked that way for this addict. It was my willingness to try out what works for my Sponsor and most importantly the 12 Steps that my sponsor passes on to me that will bring about the transformation in my life and recovery. It's an inside job. I take what I need from my Sponsor and internalize these tools in my daily recovery to my advantage. I would neither like my sponsor to run my life for me on a daily basis nor would do so for my sponsees. My understanding of the NA program is that it doesn't work that way. Just my experiences.
Whenever I have looked for a Sponsor and picked up one, I always look for the emphasis on Steps, and what members share about the Steps and how they work in their lives. When I feel that I want what they have, what is working for them, I ask for sponsorship. Other criterias like their nature, their age, their belief system, their personality, even their sex did not matter for me. What I primarily seek in Narcotics Anonymous from my Sponsor and in meetings from others' share is the recovery program, how I can gain strength, hope and newer insights into the application of the Steps in my daily life.
If you are interested in online sponsorship, I know of a place online where there are many caring women members who are ready to walk the journey of the Steps with others who might need help. You can mail me if you're interested, and I'd be glad to pass on the information about this online eSponsor weblink to you... You can find my email id in my profile here at MIP.
Glad you're here with us, keep coming back, we all need each other
All the best, NA Hugs, Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
i got into recovery..i went to treatment...felt safe there... got home.. went to meetings...went to fewer meetings.. KINDA got a sponsor.. who wasn't very available...i liked it that way.
went to fewer meetings... and fewer. til after having 14 months clean..i relapsed and was lost again for a year. Thanks to my HP i made it back as many i know haven't, and many i know have died. That is the reality of it!!.Avoiding the steps?? yup i did to...and honestly to stay recovering i MUST do the steps!!
what did i learn from that?? i have this thing i say to others all the time.. How is that workin' for ya?? well running on my own will got me relapsing!!
our dis-ease wants to keep us sick Kelly..it wants us to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves..it wants to keep people at a distance.."don't get a sponsor " it tells us ,for letting anyone get to know us is dangerous .. and for sure it wants to keep us from recovery!! .. our spirit wants recovery, and its whichever one we feed that wins the day
and...if i keep telling myself that "i am having a hard time getting back into the recovery thing"... good chance i will keep myself from that "recovery thing"
i can pray for the willingness to become willing :) for what i think about comes about, so any small thing that i do for my recovery today keeps me recovering. Even the mindset to think positively about a sponsor (even a temporary one) coming my way is on the right path. Adding prayers for your sponsor to come to you will help. i will pray for you to.
Not living to far in the future is a must for me as well, it keeps me in fear that i won't be , do or have.. stay in today Kelly, right here right now. you are clean right now, way to go!!
I just want to thank you for taking the time to reply to my message. Drum roll please.... I got a sponsor!! And I really like her. I don't know what it is about her that I am drawn too, but shes great. I just started working with her this past Wednesday, I call her everyday like she asks me to and I am reading the first 164 pages of the Big Book because she suggested that to me. I am really bad at taking suggestions, so I am going to start doing that. Thanks Again!! Kelly C
Do it kelly I am hoping for your success you get what you put into this.
Stay close to your sponsor she has a special gift to share with you ALL WE WANT is for you to make each day a clean day one day at a time and the time goes by fast.
Thanks for posting and thanks for taking care of yourself and loving yourself you have a lot to share with other young people.
Congrats on getting and using a Sponsor Kelly, way to go
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
