Well i've finally finished writing my fourth step. After 4 or 5 months, I have gone through both my character flaws and my attributes. It's a little scary thinking about digging down to the root cause of all my flaws, but i am ready to move forward. My sponsor and I have arranged to get together next weekend...
I can't find my step guide, so do any of you have some suggestions on what I should do next? I seem to remember hearing people say they read their fourth step in a mirror. I guess before i met with my sponsor I need to admit to God and myself the exact nature of my flaws..YIKES!!!!
Yes, I've been taught that the fifth is shared three times: Once with HP, once with oneself, and once with another person. If it were me, I would discuss how to do that with my sponsor. Perhaps it may help to read step 5 in the Basic Text and/or It Works How and Why as well. Good luck and good job! You must feel great.
For me admitting anything takes a great deal of effort especially if it makes me LOOK BAD. My face turns all red from embarrassment I feel queezy in my gut I feel like a bad person and guilty all sorts of crap goes on, mostly I feel worthless.
BUT I have found that admitting to certain things also sets me free of it, it takes something away that give it power this removes that power over me changing.
For me, when I wrote my fourth inventory, I would usually invite my Higher Power before I start, and when I feel stuck or if I feel that I'm being subtly manipulative in my answer, I remind myself that my Higher Power is with me in this process, and I write as if I'm writing to my Higher Power, everything as it is.
And I guess it depends on what the Higher Power of one's understanding is. I say this because the Higher Power I came to believe in and surrender to in my Second and Third Steps is "everything and everyone, everywhere, at all levels of existence." I share this personal part of me here because it was very vital for me doing my fifth the way I did it on both the occasions I had been through that process.
I simply started sharing my answers with my Sponsor as my Sponsor also was part of the Higher Power of my understanding. The insights that I got from the personal experience, strength and hope that my Sponsor shared back with me was very vital for me in my 5th Step.
If I could suggest to you Dave, I'll just say that you take it easy, sit with your Sponsor next weekend and start sharing admitting your Fourth Step Inventory with him. The rest you leave it to your Sponsor and to your Higher Power to take care of.
Hugs bro
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
