My name is Kira, and I'm very new to all of this. I relapsed about 8 months ago, but I lied about it. I wasn't ready to get humble and I was so afraid of everything. I was living in a recovery house and I knew if i admitted that I had gotten high I would get kicked out, and as a result I would probably keep getting high. Three days ago I finally admitted to my sponsor that I had lied. She was very supportive and loving. Everyone I have told so far has been, but I'm still worried about being judged. There is a girl who used to be a very strong member of my we, but we've now drifted apart, and I don't want to tell her because I'm afraid she's going to take it and run with it, because she's a bit of a gossip. Thats the way the rooms are in my area. I try to put principles before personalities, but its hard in this situation because I don't want to be on the front of the NA newspaper for the next couple weeks. This is already hard enough as is, let alone knowing that people are going to be gossiping about me. I just don't know what to do right now. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Anyone have any advice?
Hi Kira, I'm new to this site,but I have been in the program for a while.Your doing the right thing.You told your sponsor.The most important thing is getting honest with yourself and your sponsor.Do not let what others think stand in the way of your recovery.Remember we only have today.LIVE IN THE NOW.Your Higher power loves you no matter what others think.Hang in there.
yes Kira,,, sharing lies I told with my sponsor is enough !!! Basically in deal with tricky situations by staying on a need to know basis. Like you said,, i cannot afford to be the subject of the gossip mill,, its too painful when gossip is mixed with anger One guy once said to me,, Dont give em the stick to beat you with ! And im not talking of a relapse situation i faced ,, its more of life and living problems. My life certainly gets very unmanagaeble when I reveal too much to those who dont need to know !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I have a similar experience where I did not get to share about my last relapse for about 5-6 months with the fellowship as a whole. But I did share about it with a couple of members who were very close to me and were supportive of my recovery, and I also shared about my relapse first thing with my Counselor at my rehab with whom I had a very good and trusting relationship then. And having these 3 people as my support network with whom I can be very honest and trusting about my relapse and recovery issues was a great gift for me back then.
And yes, gossip does affect me from time to time in NA, more intensely before than now, but I'm grateful that I have these experiences of gossip and slander within the fellowship from a few who indulge in it. Today, I'm more detached from such behavior, am better able to open my mind to the fact that some of us are sicker than others and that the degree of sickness and the rate of recovery varies for each of us in NA. This has led me to tolerate and even accept these people as part of the fellowship, as a necessary evil... lol... When I use the Steps on these people, their gossip and these situations, I still get to learn and grow a lot. In fact, such gossip and gossippers provide me a whole new aspect to work the program on, change certain aspects within me that I would seldom focus on if I was not exposed to such people and gossip within the fellowship, and grow into a more complete recovering person without having to avoid or fear anything
One of the oldtimers used to tell me, "Keep the focus on yourself always" when I was a newcomer. This helped me a lot when I was a few days, weeks and months clean in NA. I was always focused on the fact that I need NA and I come here for my recovery, to continue to stay clean, to learn, to change and to grow, with the help of others. Practising this left me with no room for all the other happenings around NA, like gossip at the cafes etc. And even if I'm exposed to such gossip when members just start talking shit about other members and their personal lives, it doesn't disturb me that much as I'm able to detach and remove myself from such situations without having to express disgust and despise them all for what they are doing. Today, I don't think I would want to disturb my personal recovery just because someone or some people live their lives like they do no matter how different and how sick it might look for me... lol...
Keep coming back, Kira, and always remember that it's me who needs NA, and NA is for me. No one can take away NA and the therapeutic value that this program, meetings and the fellowship offers for each of us. It's ours, gifted by our Higher Power for each of us, equally and anonymously. Don't give up on making the most of NA fellowship and program. You might come across certain members whose behavior might affect you, but you'll also come across many others who can offer us the care, unconditional love and support that we need for our recovery. STICK WITH THE WINNERS!!!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
When I use the Steps on these people, their gossip and these situations, I still get to learn and grow a lot. In fact, such gossip and gossippers provide me a whole new aspect to work the program on, change certain aspects within me that I would seldom focus on if I was not exposed to such people and gossip within the fellowship, and grow into a more complete recovering person without having to avoid or fear anything 
