So on the thirteenth of february, i got four months under my belt. and while i know that this a big deal for me, i don't feel like i've made a big accomplishment. it was hell getting here, and it's still hell, but i feel like i still suck and that there's no progression.
i've also been too afraid to go back to a meeting. i pulled into the drive one day and i froze. i couldn't walk in. i'm afraid to talk to people about this, and i know it's exactly what i need to do. i panic in any size group of people and it's already hard for me to convey my felings to those close to me. i need help finding the guts to walk into a meeting. because i NEED TO GO.
You sund a bit like me when I first started to go to meetings. Even when I go someplace new I am very nervous in a group or crowd. I used to sit in the parking lot of an A.A. meeting so frightened and alone that I couldn't even muster up the courage to walk in there by myself. I could walk in with someone else, especially my Sponsor. Once I got to know the people in that meeting I could go there as well.
It is only a suggestion but try to just stay focused on today. Living your program One Day at a Time. I say that because if you don't you are setting yourself up for stress that you don't need.
Four months is an accomplishment and it is something that each of us remembers having to walk through alone.
Have you done your 12 Steps yet? If you haven't please get busy and read the literature about getting a sponsor. Then look carefully for the right Sponsor to match yourself with a SPonsor soon. Then that person ( opposite Sex) can take you through the 12 steps.
Hang onto the Serenity Prayer right now. Can we pray?
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference. Amen
GOds Blessings and Congrats on your Birthday of 4 months.
A big hug and congratulations on your 4 months! It's a huge accomplishment. A miracle, actually.
As for getting to a meeting, ask your HP for courage and willingness, and then keep trying.
In the meantime, try not to beat yourself up about it. Practice self-acceptance (this is where I am today; I am taking suggestions in order to grow past it), ask for help, and try to go every single day.
Congratulations Caitlin on your 4 months clean. That is one great achievement!!! I have about the same clean time so I am in no position to offer you any advice.
kenh
__________________
God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
Hi Caitlin - I felt the same thing. I just kept forcing myself to go. I thought I was living in fear and it was not going away. At about 6 months clean, I finally shared about it and after the meeting another addict told me his experience with anxiety disorders. I went to a good doctor who I was honesty with and things have been so much better. That is just my personal experience.
Anyway, it took us a long time to get like this and we do not get better overnight. Probably the best thing to do right now is commit to doing a meeting a day for the next 90 days and go no matter what.
Cailtyn something this program gives to us that we may have lacked is Courage.
Why? because we have to change the things we can , you can do that, unfreeze get out of the car walk to the door walk in the room and take a seat it's that simple, you will then have grown in courage
Hi Caitlin, so great to hear from you and congrats on the Big 4 Miracles! Way to go.
Have you tried out a brief 10-15 minute meditation just before you head for a meeting? It helps me calm down and relax. Just a simple breath-in-breath-out meditation, maybe you wanna try it out...
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
