I am very new to recovery, and I am starting to face the mess I left behind while I was in active addiction. As you know what we can do during that time is not nornally things we would do. I am a good person and anyone who knows me that I am non judgemental, positive, enjoy people, I am a free spirit. As I said I am facing some of those things I 've done during addiction, and through recovery I have learned very well to let guilt go, it is a useless emotion that will drive us back there. But I got to say this thing I am facing now is really difficult and close to home. my morals and values went out the window. I know that drugs have forever changed me, it took a piece of me, that I am wondering will I ever get back? I've done something that is tragic, I mean I never physically hurt anyone, but I've hurt someone very close and it feels as if I don't have a conience. I am really lost in myself right now and I need help in dealing with it so I don't drive myself nuts inside. I am new to this site and I really don't know if I should have posted this, I guess it is okay. Please if anyone can share anything with me, I would really appricate it. Thanks
there is an NA step guide book that is excellent for this stuff. we all carry very similar stuff and the steps really do set us free and show us the way to deal with stuff in productive ways. it is highly recommended to work these steps with a sponsor. an addict left alone in his/her brain is in trouble! love and blessings.
I agree with Galeon and Blithe. By working the Steps with the help of a Sponsor, it has become possible to not only clear the wreckage of the past but these tools of the Steps have made it possible to let go of the addictive tendencies and the defects that come in the wake of my addiction, and transform from within to the person that I WANT to be.
I might not have got back what I lost during my active addiction, but I continue to receive much more than what I could have possible had or lost due to my addiction, and the gifts and blessings that living the Steps bring into my life are still pouring into my life, infinitely...
The Steps ARE the principles that make our recovery possible!
And yes, this is not advice. There is no space for advice or opinion in Narcotics Anonymous - only hard-earned personal experience, strength and hope
Keep coming back, freedom, IT WORKS!
NA Hugs & Fellowship Love, Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I also agree with the others about doing the Steps. But I was also a person whom expelled allot of what was on my mind in meetings. I got hurt a few times at meetings in A.A. for doing it and it just about sent me out in my first year.
Because others haven't experienced what I had experienced and didn't feel that it was appropriate in an upper middle class meeting. I got mad and was at that time the Secretary of that meeting and left A.A. for awhile. Thinking that they were all hypocrites and that they just didn't care about how much I was hurting inside once all the substances weren't there to numb the pain of all my tragedies.
For me at that time it was the best thing I could do for myself. Because I was having Seizures and I had a 9 year old Son, plus I was single and had health problems. Physical health problems that I still have today! The mental ones Thank God have been since diagnosed 6 years into my Sobriety and I am being treated for them.
Last evening I went to the Abuse Board and spilled out allot of what was on my Heart.
For you to have a safe place to take all that you have stored up over the years. You can Pray, do your steps with a Sponsor, journal, seek counsel, and seek medical attention if you need it, as well as do allot of meetings.
If you find yourself in a place that makes you uncomfortable you have the choice to leave. No one says you have to stay in that meeting, or in that place, or with that Sponser. You can go to a different meeting, in a different town, change with dignity the Sponsor that you have to another one. Everything is suggested! Nothing is FORCED! Take what you want and leave the rest.
In my first year of Recovery I had a woman Sponsor that took me through the Steps I cried, and shook, and had seizures with her through my first year. Then she got too possessive when I met a man and wanted to get married. So I dropped her as a Sponsor and got another one. My new Sponsor attended the wedding I had that August, to the same man I am married to today. No he isn't an addict, or alcoholic, he does respect that I am so he hasn't had a drink in 13 years. We had a gorgeous Clean and Sober Wedding.
Anyway, I am praying for you, and all of the Newbies and the Oldtimers. God's Blessings to you all.
I forgot to tell you I worked both programs and go to both meetings. Because I am a recovering Alcoholic and a Cocaine addict.
