Hi my name is Lauren....and I am not an addict. I am actually here becuase my fiance is an addict and I was wondering if any of yall know anywhere that I can get a support system online with dealing with his addiction. At times it is very hard on me and its like I have runn out of options. I dont want to leave him and not support him like i know I can...I just need some help and clarity for myself...any responses will be appreciated. and I wish all of yall on here good luck and the best to all.
Welcome to MIP and thank you for participating. You may want to visit a Naranon meeting in your area. Naranon offers support to the families of addicts. Here is a website with a meeting list:
do you know of any forums online for that....I dont have a babysitter for my baby and I cant really get away regularly. I do thank you for the help though
IDK he tells me that I press too hard on him and push him to his choice (crack cocaine). I just dont know what to do bcuase I honestly dont trust him...as soon as i give him any rope...he takes off and leaves me and my daughter high and dry...Like today...today is my daughter's first birthday and I had a party planned for her and everything but...he took off yesterday and still isnt back....you know I just dont know how much more heartbreak and dissappointment I can have...not to mention the fact that he must be feeling extremely guilty for screwing up...i dont know deffinately need to talk to someone...its very hard on me
I'm sorry you are suffering from the disease of addiction. It truly is a family disease for which everyone needs help and support. I hope you will visit Naranon and that you find the support you need there.
You aren't going to like what I have to say. But I have lived both sides of the coin so I can speak from experience.
I am a Recovering ALcoholic,addict with Co-occuring disorders. I will have 14 years to celebrate on February 19th this month. But I don't want you to think I have any PRIDE attached to it. I hear so many people going out and drinking, or using after many many years.
What I want to say to you is a "TRUE STORY."
I have a Son. He is my only child and he always was my Morning Star, the Sun rose and Set around this boy of mine. I gave Birth to him one week after my 30th Birthday. My pregnancy was very difficult and his Father drank, smoked, and used cocaine during the pregnancy. I didn't! This conflicted with me and we fought all the time so the Police were called all the time.
Abuse wasn't a stranger to me because my Father is a Recovered Drunk that is/was abusive to my Mom and everyone else. As a child I had and so did everyone else because of his violence. I Love him! I am not here to bash my folks. I have since FOrgiven them.
I raised my Son by myself from the age of about 3 months with one try to reconcile with his Father for 6 months. Boom! Bang! Forget it! I remarried a wonderful man in August 1995. ALmost one year after I got into Recovery.
I tried to change a man in my previous marrige that was impossible to change. I kicked him out. So I gave up that marriage. My ex remarried and is on his 2nd marriage. My Son said he is trying to stop drinknig, smoking again. He hasn't stopped and has Hep B and other problems that aren't my business.
My Story is that my only child (SON) got hooked on drugs and alcohol at 15 years old in a Private School. We put him through every program thinkable. Spent almost everything we had, his step-dad and I spent it on Attorneys, treatment programs, and more treatment programs.
None of them worked because he wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to let him go. I held onto him. While he tore up my home, hit my husband, and wrecked things here at the house as well as caused huge problems in the neighborhood.
Finally, God gave me peace, the economy fell, my Son kept going breaking the laws and burning his bridges, my husband lost his job, we lost some more income. GOD SAID NO MORE. I kicked my Son out several years ago because no one can live here using Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, pornography so on. It was a painful time watching my Son leave and never be able to return because he would rather "DO HIS OWN THING," than "DO THE RIGHT THING." He has since changed some, but he still drinks and is still in trouble with the police. One day maybe soon he will know the Truth and the Truth will set him free.
God and I wrestled over this and I cried and cried for days, weeks and months. Prayers got stronger and stronger. My Faith got stronger and stronger and my meetings got better and better. Anytime that you think you are helping someone that is using, drinking, that is in all reality doing you and your child harm.
I left out 2 molestations. One that happened to me, and one that happened to my Son. People that aren't in there right mind do sick evil things to children. Children don't know how to speak up for themselves either so they hide what has been done to them by the monster. Then when they are older it comes out after being hidden, damaged, twisted, to ruin and cause more havoc.
Unless, God is involved to shape, heal, and protect the people involved. Recovery is the answer!
I just feel so drained...I sometimes dont know what to believe....He tells me one thing but his actions are completely different. I would leave him if a) i didnt love him b) didnt feel like I would be giving up on him and c) if I had a friend in the world to go to..or if I had a way out. I understand that he may not be ready to stop....i just cant deal with the lying and sneakiness. If he at least would tell me that he was going to get high then I would at least feel a bit better...its not okay by any means to me but...at least i dont feel like I am being decieved. Not only that but the part that REALLY ticks me off is the fact that he takes MY car and is turning it into a crack mobile. I find chore and crac all over the place...if I get pulled over I can be arrested and have my child taken away because of him. I shuldnt have to worry in my own car...but I do. Also he has many health issues right now...he has a bunch of blood clots and he was told that if he does any drugs, that the blood clots can travel to his lungs or heart. You know so I never know if he is coming back and I never know if we are going to have the money to pay that bils or for formula, diapers, or whatever else. I cant look for a job because I am never sure if my car is going to be there when I wake up...I cantmentally really do anything because of this, and I dont have a way out of this situation....I would love to go and clear my head but I dont have the opportunity
I'm a husband of an addict, and as such, by working the Naranon and the codependency programs, I have come to realize that my wife's addiction is her responsibility and recovering from her addiction or not is upto her, that I'm powerless over that aspect. I CANNOT change her.
However, the program has made me realize that my life is my responsibility, and as such I don't have to play the dysfunctional roles of a savior, offender or a victim to my wife's addiction. Instead, I take care of myself first. I continue to recover to a healthy state of being - physically, time-space wise, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially and spiritually, to move towards acceptance, respect for self, integrity, detachment, inner peace and serenity. This also allows me to allow my wife to go through what she goes through and to allow her to pick up what she needs to, in God's own time, from her painful experiences, trusting that just like my Higher Power always and is taking care of me and would continue to, so would my wife's Higher Power take care of her, that her Higher Power is in charge, NOT ME, that I don't have to be that
Just my personal experiences, hope this helps. Thank you for sharing. Prayers and Best Wishes, Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I wish it was just that easy. I am a housewife...have been for 3 years now and i just honestly dont have a way out...I know I need to separate myself from him...because me being with him is just going to make my situation worse. He has stolen my car again for the umpteenth time...and i have no way to get anywhere no way to get wipes for my baby...I cant get food...nothing...so i find myself stuck over and over and over....I dont make enough from welfare to cover my bills. nor do i have enough to put my daughter in daycare...i find that if i do get a job...I will only be paying for daycare...and i will still be stuck. I just dont know what I can do anymore...and you are right that i have to stop trying to play savior...because it is all about his choices.
I agree it's not easy, Lauren. I still find that I'm too close to my wife and too emotionally entangled with her state of being to be able to detach and just watch her go through a few things that she goes through in context of her addiction problem(s).
But it's not impossible, and even if it's not easy, it can be simple if we keep take it a day at a time, a step at a time, along with others in a fellowship where everyone's on a similar journey and can relate. It does get better. All I need is an open mind to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, it does work that way, and willingness to try out the suggested program for sometime to find out if that is something that I want or not
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
