i posted on here around the time when my ex boyfriend and i broke up.
i realized i was drinking quite a bit after this happend. i went to a friends house for a get together after christmas and i relapsed by using percocet vicodin pot and drinking alot. i then began to enjoy cold medicine because of a bad cold i had for about 20 days. i returned to college and blacked out often with various perscriptions and pot. my therapist here was very worried, my ex is really worried too because we still keep in touch and he has always been there for me in recovery. i went to an AA meeting with a girl my therapist introduced me to. i also met another girl. i never realized that so many of these people posess both drinking and drug problems. i never realized i was one too until on saturday night my ex bought me some wine and i drank way to much way to fast and smoked alot. he was very upset with me today about my irresponsible behavior. and hes right, i am irresponsible. but i dont want to be like that anymore. i've lost about 15 pounds and i just feel so physically and emotionally weak, i need to take care of myself.
i went to another meeting today with my friend. i have chosen to become completely sober. it will be hte only way this works. as drinking has been the reaction to stopping drugs. i remember last semester when i stopped using again for the wrong reasons i drank far too much and too often.
this is going to be really hard because i go to a real big party school, but i have my therapist, meetings, fellow recovering addicts, my ex matt, and my friends to support and love me.
and all of you, i'm sorry for relapsing i feel really awful because of the crap i've put my body through.
Relapses happen when we take any kind of drink or drug into our system. For me it was alcohol, cigarettes, and cocaine. I had a bottom of all bottoms. So I am not going to hit it again, "One Day at a Time."
Oh, I remember the pain of relapses when I wasn't in a program. I just couldn't get straight for the life of me. What I had to do was change me life. My associations had to go, my family even had to go for the first year and even now I am very careful around them because they aren't in Recovery and I am.
WhenI got into Recovery in 1994 my ponsors told me "Do Not drink," don't take any type of cough medicine with alcohol in it, no mouthwash with alcohol in it, no food with alcohol in it, no binaca breath spray with alcohol in it, anything that has alcohol in it candy, cakes ,food, DON'T TAKE IT. I have listened to that and lived by it each and everyday since. I have been blessed.
