My husband and I have been clean for over 9 months now. His son, 16, is also an actively using addict. When I got back from in-patient, he was very distant. Recently he was called to the principal's office as the teacher suspected he was high at school for the 3rd time in a week. His mom (I'm just the step mother) took him to the local courthouse to meet with the social worker and to get a UA. Both his dad and I showed up and insisted he get a Rule 25 CD assessment done as the son failed his UA (THC).
His mother is very standoffish when it comes to treatment as, according to her, it's a direct reflection of her parenting skills. It all revolves around HER, not her son. For the past two months, she's cancelled appointments without notifying my husband then comes up with lame excuses about why she had to cancel. He got the CD assessment finally and we were told he needed out-patient treatment. He was supposed to start this last week, but she decided to have him wait until she was back from her vacation (another 2 weeks). She said she didn't understand why he had to start this right now as he would miss part of school and wouldn't graduate on time. Boy, do I wish she could see the full picture.
When talking to him today about attending a NA meeting tonight, he bucked the idea. Initially he stated that he needed help, but now that there's been so much time inbetween, he's backing away. He states now that he doesn't have a problem and "isn't going to treatment anyway." I was taken aback by all of this, as treatment isn't even a question for him. The school was involved this time (he's been in trouble in the past) and something HAS to be done. Prior to this, he received a minor consumption, had a few drinking/drugging related accidents (2nd and 3rd degree burns on his legs because he fell into the fire while drunk), and things are only going to get worse for him. He's seen the genetics in action at our wedding (all of my husband's family was pretty well shit-faced at our wedding ceremony). He even stated that it was a turning point for him as he didn't want to become like the rest of them.
Of course I've told my own set of lies and things to get out of trouble, but geez... I'm just frustrated and thanks for anyone who reads this. I appreciate all of you and for having a place to vent...
hi Amanda,, thanks for sharing that, we aint the cause we cannot control the disease and we cannot cure it( as yet) the basic issue ive seen in relating to using people is the powerlessness,,I need to practice that with a sense of natural wisdom. hugs and all the best raman an addict clean and serene jft
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
hi Amanda,, thanks for sharing that, we aint the cause we cannot control the disease and we cannot cure it( as yet) the basic issue ive seen in relating to using people is the powerlessness,,I need to practice that with a sense of natural wisdom. hugs and all the best raman an addict clean and serene jft
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I didn't cause it, I can't change it, and I can't control it. When I found out that my only Son was using and drinking at 15 I thought I was going to loose my mind, sobriety, and life. It wasn't supposed to happen to my child. WHY? I took every precaution! Placed him in Christian private schools so that he would know God and his word. I educated him on the disease of Alcoholism and addiction up one side and down the other. I wasn't Sober and Recovering until he was 9 years old though. He saw and went through a whole lot of pain in those 9 short years. I went through 34 with my Dad. But my Dad didn't use drugs and alcohol, I did. The mind is more twisted on drugs! People do hidious things under the influence of drugs. My point is that my Son is still going through stuff with the courts. It cost my husband ( Step-Father ) and I over 6 digits in attorneys, recovery schools, so on. All my SOn did when he came out was go right back to what he was doing before he went in. That is exactly what I would have done, I have just blanked it out. Getting loaded isn't anything new under the Sun. (I am a 60's brat lived through the hippy movement, the tailend). As for me and my husband going to meetings. I go, he doesn't. It's about me and my Recovery, Serenity. I can't have any peace, joy, happiness. Unless I go to meetings see other women that are in Recovery doing the same thing I am. I am still learning how To Let Go and Let GOd," That means I have to FULLY TRUST GOD with EVERYTHING. GIVING HIM ALL OF MY LIFE. He can take care of it! RIGHT? OF COURSE HE CAN.
My sponsor is currently experiencing a similar situation with his son. In fact, his son came into recovery and stayed clean for a year, but then decided it wasn't for him.
I suppose it's true that we can't force another person to get clean. The person has to want to. Sometimes the best we can do is to gently plant a little seed and hope it will someday grow into something more.
I also think it's very important to be a good example. Your actions, attitudes, behaviors, etc. as a recovering addict could deliver a more powerful message than anything you say. Work hard on your recovery and someday he might want what you have.
