We used drugs to cover our feelings, and did whatever was neccessary to get drugs. Many of us woke up sick, unable to make it to work or went to work loaded.
This is found in the "Why are we here " section of the N.A book and it goes further into detail of what we did that got us here.
There were times toward the end of my usage that I couldn't make it to work sometimes for a week or more, I could barely walk I was so week from using and drinking. There were many times I drank before work or drank when I was at work, I even wore a dust mask to work one time saying my allergys were bothering me so no one would smell the alcohol on my breathe. One time I was working near one of my connections and went and bought some dope went back up to the apartment I was working in smoked it and hid in a closet until I came down.
The chapter also says that " Our minds tell us we would never make it " when we get here to NA we see others doing it that tells us and shows us something different that maybe we can if we follow others leads and get involved in the program.
Is it brain washing? I say yes it is, but with a filthy brain like I had/have a washing would do a lot of good its definetly a cleansing. I have been thinking aobout what was going on inside of me when I was using and it was horrible, I was so down on myself beating myself up continuosly and getting loaded to stop beating myself, when I finally started to get clean I started telling myself something different, and today theres very little negativity going on other then fear, it's nothing like it was I'm not as hard on myself thats for sure.
AND I'm ok with Vini today it's ok to screw up once in awhile, its ok to admitt I'm wrong, it's ok to feel things and express them, its just ok to be me I accept that today , it didn't used to be ok, I hated ME.
So the program promiss's we will learn how to love and the first thing I started loving was myself I'm working on others still
I hope all the new comers who show up get what I've gotten and more and something different and good we all payed our dues and deserve better all it takes is a desire and some effort, put the energy you put into your addiction , coping dope lying cheating hiding , put that same effort into recovery and you will be amazed at what you get back.
Hi all, to the newcomer and those reading my post first time,,, my name is Raman and I am an addict. When i first came into recovery i had no idea it involved complete and continous abstinence,,we recover as long as we stay clean and serene. Id had laughed at someone whod have told me i can do it too,, id probably have called em mad even,, first off i didnt know i was an addict,didnt know that i had a diseae called addiction and didnt believe id ever get well. The low self esteem and the low self image made me seek more drugs.In fact i was at a piont when id decided i will manufacture my own smack, to hell with the pushers,the bad smack etc,id make my own and chase it all to my hearst content and all would be well and id get on with life I thought. then providence came my way when some told me about a treatment center and there i was lucky to read the Baisc Text.The chapter "why are we here" explained exactly what id gone thru,change of places and drugs,ashrams,religions,medical cures and most of all wishful thinking that one morning ill get up and all will be fine with me. The Basic Text then went onto what I need to do in order to recover. I know that from that time onwards my life has been along those very lines,,, Im an addict seeking recovery theres no end to recovery and no amount of clean time assures me iLL ever be able to use with control, that recovery is a process wherein though I live clean life has its own challenges and problems,which I can truly say ive been able to slove via the 12 Step Program of NA. Thats why were told= "Recovery as experienced through our 12 Steps is our goal and not mere physical abstinence" I pray that God Bless all the addicts into recovery and when someoone somewhere reaches out the hand of NA will be there,,, for that Im responsible !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
its definetly a cleansing. I have been thinking aobout what was going on inside of me when I was using and it was horrible, I was so down on myself beating myself up continuosly and getting loaded to stop beating myself, when I finally started to get clean I started telling myself something different, and today theres very little negativity going on other then fear, it's nothing like it was I'm not as hard on myself thats for sure.
