I walked a lot this last week Raman, 3 out of 4 days I walked down into my canyon to my river gorge and MY BACK IS KILLING ME LOL

But it was great, looking around at all the beauty surrounding me and appreciating just that moment to have and hold I was so so greatful to be able to enjoy life and all it had to give .


That must have been quite an experience with all those other people I felt at times the same as you did climbing back up the hill with my pack on my back, chest burning from the elevation and degree of the climb and the weight baring down on me. one step at a time slowly making progress towards the top.

i wish i can take a walk each and every day of my life,,,
even the other day i was feeling groggy and dint relize i was stredssed out by being in the same place for most part of the day,,, thennit happened.
I got into a vicious arguement and the resulting resentment made memfeel like im worthless,
recovery is worthless, im making the same mistakes etc.
That painful feeling was with me for a long time,,
i was irritated with a fellow musician, with a family member,nudged my jeep into a wall and some damage,restless nite,feelings of madness.
without sharing that with a Fellow NA and then discussing feelings with my gf things would have gotten crazier.
In fact i did goto a face top face NA meeting ,, but eased off when i saw an ex sponsor of mine,,, his usual feedback is
":you are mad " and thats not good enough for me.
Nowadays I steer clean of those peop[le who can only say whats wrong with me,, without a F!@#$% hint or insight of what to do next time,,i suppose their life is .like that too and they havent got a clue too,,,
much of my resentment is from an inability to say no,,
so just for today and this week Ill work on that and walk too,, each day !!!

Raman, thanks for the share. I know a part of what you are feeling. It is very frustrating when people damage our property or attack our feelings and then they are totally indifferent and say to others what is his problem? It is only a jeep, it is only his feelings.
There are many people out in the world with an attitude. They are normally selfish, mean and are concerned mainly with them selves. Any slight attack on thier feelings or property will send them freaking out. They cannot work out problems or face difficulties, that is why they try to be indifferent when they cause problems for others.

They have a problem Raman, not you. You are able to anylize your feelings, share them with your NA fellowship. You know how to stand up, face a problem and work it out to a good ending. You have the forsight and strength that is gained from turning your life around from an addicts dispair to a normal, noble life. You also have your Higher Power that is always with you. You always have very good advice for others. This is my attempt to give some support back to you.  Hope some of this helps.

We are here for you Raman - Kenh


-- Edited by Kenh at 09:14, 2008-01-26

yes thanks Vini,Kenh and Tahir,,
God what an emotional price to pay,,
trust someone and share feelings that one cant handle on ones own and the next thing I know theyre either saying
"youre too fucked up to get better"
" you had too much psychosis "
"what are you looking for defects of character for, ,,pal YOU ARE THE DEFECT "
God knows that Ive had many late hits like these,,
thanks fopr letting me share my pain,frustration and fear of relapse,fear of violence,fear of self abuse ...
God Bless you guys,,,

yes thanks for letting me share that guys,,,, it works,,
like during a walk after sharing with you all, I had a few thoughts =
"this Program teaches forgiveness"
"let em go with love"
"Forgive and also forget those guys,, time to move on emotionally"

and lines fro the Text ran thru my mind,, setting me at rest=
"whats appropriate for one phase of recovery maynot be so for another"
"we let go of what has served its purpose"
Gods Grace !!!

I met a young boy of 14, son of one of the members from Denmark whom we met on our vacation to Goa, and he wanted a particular type of tattoo done on his arm in Sanskrit the meaning of which goes...

When you walk, the path appears...

Now, when I read the expression in the above post, I feel it more reaffirming... Thanks.

Amazing that my Higher Power reveals or reminds me of messages that I must get at a particular time from unexpected source and ways

Great Walking Meditation:


Dear Walkers,


When I was first getting Clean and Sober February 19, 1994. My favorite thing to do was walk. I would get up and take a long walk down the path while my Son was at school, practicing soccer, or when I was just hopping out of my skin.

Walking was how I first became committed to praying or back then I didn't call it praying. Because I truly didn't know how to pray back then. I would speak or talk to the air to an someone I call God.
I was exhasberated with him for causing all the pain in my life. LAter on that has changed I have found that GOD is All LOVE and he didn't cause any of my pain. Physically I was ill and hurt so much that I couldn't stand it when I stopped walking.
I thought that it was from all the withdrawals, the alcohol, cigarettes, drugs.

How could I hurt this much physically and mentally, seizures that were unexplainable I had been having for a year before I stopped everything. I would go into convulsions and lost my voice for days and weeks rolling into a ball like a fetus. This wasn't a very pretty sight considering that I was earning my living as a Mistress. Killing myself slowly with my lifestyle was always on my mind, each and every time I saw him.

Walking, walking, walking, it took me right into the doors of a fellowship 3 months into my Sobriety. I could no longer handle my illnessess alone, isolated from the world with no one to share what was going on inside of me.

Even after getting into the rooms where I lived at that time. I came from a  affluent area so many of the women and men didn't understand what was happening to me. Most accused me of still using!
That made me very confused and very hurt considering I was going through such severe withdrawals.

For any Newbies, remember to take what you want and leave the rest. When you first get Clean, take care of you. I took a Cruise when I was 3 months Sober. Non drinking, smoking, but "oh by Gosh" do they like to feed you. Everywhere I traveled I could find a meeting, even in the deepest coldest part of Lake Tahoe in the snow. 

Happy Walking!
Blessed






It seems that all of you gentlemen know each other very well. Several of you may remember my postings from before. You may even remember speaking to me on the phone because I was asked to Monitor the Chat room. But declined due to health problems!


-- Edited by Blessed at 05:55, 2008-02-06

-- Edited by Blessed at 05:57, 2008-02-06

I believe that we amy be different from each other in many ways,,
we all each have a private and intimate space to go into,,but always connected in the Spirit of recovery
but no one gets in there without our invitation 

however we are on common ground  and near each other physically when we get in the water !!!
to be in the water or to be in my space is entirely a matter of personal choice and a matter of mutual understanding !