Okay - I need help - desperately. I am now on my sixth step, problem is that I have only come up with a few defects - anger, judgmentalism, self-centeredness... I wish I had a list of defects I could pick from, but then again, I would probably find that I had every one of them. So, if anyone out there can give me some sort of list, or any suggestions, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
Maggie
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
I have one such list that I composed for my own personal use and for the benefit of others that I pass it on to... I tried to copy and paste it from the rtf document that I have on my comp, but for some strange reason it comes out in weird way due to non-compatibility of fonts I used in the rft document at this forum I guess... So, I'll have to post it in smaller parts by manually correcting the errors in each line...
Hope this list also helps you like it does for me and for many others Maggie. Feel free to take what you need and leave the rest
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Below you'll find a list of defects of character with their meaning (we call them defects, because we gradually discover in our Sixth Step that we end up achieving the exact opposite results of what we actually wanted innermost when we use these defects of character).
ANGER - A strong feeling of dissatisfaction or a strong urge to offend; a strong feeling of displeasure and often with active hostile opposition to an insult, injury, or injustice.
ANXIETY - Fear or nervousness about what might happen; a strong negative feeling due to some kind of pressure or an undefined threat.
APATHY - Lack of feeling, concern or interest; indifference.
ARROGANCE - A sense of one's own importance that shows itself in a proud and insulting manner; feeling better than others and expressing so by behaving in a demeaning way with them.
AVARICE - excessive or insatiable desire or greed; inordinate, miserly desire to gain more and more.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
BETRAYAL A disloyal act where one lets down somebody in the eyes of another; betraying ones trust by cheating him/her/them.
BLAMING Holding or placing responsibility on others for something that goes wrong or fails.
BOREDOM The state of being weary and restless when things are uninteresting.
CLINGING Remaining emotionally or intellectually attached to something that one believes harmful to oneself.
CLOSE-MINDEDNESS The state of being unwilling to consider the suggestions or explanations of others as possible or feasible.
CODEPENDENCY A person psychologically addicted to, and completely dependent on, another person. This defect often expresses itself as an urge in oneself to seduce someone, try to become a savior in anothers troubles, inflict hurt or offend another in an attempt to fix him/her or feeling like a victim in the relationship.
COMPLACENCY A false sense of extreme calm and satisfaction with ones life or situations that hinders the process of seeking change.
COMPULSION Once having started the process by acting out on our obsession, for example, with one fix, one pill, or one drink, not being able to stop or come out of it on our own, compelled to continue acting out.
CONFUSION A mistake that results from a lack of understanding like taking one thing to be another; characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior; a failure to distinguish between reality and misconceived notions; misunderstanding of a situation or the facts; feeling uncertain.
CONTROLLING To exert ones hold or power over someone or something (like using drugs or other people); to dominate.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
DISBELIEF A feeling that nothing or nobody could or would be able to help us; unable or not willing to open ones mind to others perspectives.
DECEIT Misleading a person or causing them to believe that which is false with a statement or act; deliberate and misleading concealment.
DEFIANCE Intentionally scornful behavior or attitude marked by a strong resistance to any opposing force.
DELUSION A false belief that we continue to hold on to, in spite of the facts.
DENIAL Defiantly insisting that facts are not correct despite all evidence to the contrary; refusing to admit the truth of a situation or a statement; the refusal to accept or believe in someone or something.
DEPRESSION A long-lasting state of sadness, gloom and dejection that is a by-product of addiction, common during early recovery.
DESPAIR A feeling of complete hopelessness; complete loss of hope.
DISAPPOINTMENT A feeling of dissatisfaction arising out of our expectations not being met, either by ourselves or others.
DISHONESTY The lack of honesty or the state of not being true to oneself and others.
DISTORT Changing the appearance of something in a negative or untrue direction; to suit ones convenience and motives.
DISTRUST the trait of not trusting others; doubt someones honesty; showing no faith or confidence; to perceive others with doubt and suspicion.
DOUBTFULNESS Uncertain about someone or something; indecisive or hesitating; unsure of the outcome.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
EGOCENTRIC Viewing everything in relation to oneself; caring only about oneself; selfish.
EMPTINESS Lacking purpose; feeling hollow and devoid; meaninglessness.
EMBARRASSMENT The shame you feel when you are faced with your inadequacy or guilt.
ENVY The feeling of discontent at anothers good fortune or qualities with a desire to have the same good for ones self.
EXPECTATION A desire that one places upon himself or another to fulfill or accomplish.
FEAR A strong unpleasant feeling caused by projecting the risks or danger; expecting something bad to happen; a painful emotion excited by the expectation or the apprehension of impending or unknown danger.
FRUSTRATION Disappointment due to an unfulfilled need or as a reaction to feelings of powerlessness; the feeling of disappointment or defeat; the condition that results when an impulse or an action is thwarted by an external or an internal force.
GLUTTONY A tendency to indulge excessively; habitual intemperance.
GREED An excessive, extreme desire for something, often more than one's rightful or proper share.
GRIEF Very deep sorrow; pain on account of something in the past; suffering arising from any cause, such as misfortune, death of a loved one, loss of a friend, misconduct of one's self or others, etc.
GRUDGE To harbor ill will or resentment towards another; carrying a feeling of bitterness or enmity towards another; sometimes with an intention of exacting revenge if an opportunity arises.
GUILT The fact or feeling of having done something wrong that causes one to feel shame or regret; remorseful awareness of having done something wrong, or self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
HATRED Intense and extreme feeling of animosity and hostility towards someone or something; a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action.
HELPLESSNESS Not being able to help or protect oneself; powerlessness revealed by an inability to act.
HOPELESS Having no hope at all; a state of despair where one has abandoned all hope because there seems to be no possibility of comfort or success at all.
HOSTILITY An unfriendly state, attitude, or action; a state of deep-seated ill-will.
IGNORANCE The state of not knowing; the condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.
ILLUSION The state or fact of being led to accept as true something unreal or imagined; perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature.
IMPATIENCE Lack of patience; restless desire for change or excitement; intolerance of anything that delays or hinders what one desires; getting irritated.
INABILITY The condition of being unable to do something; lacking the power to perform.
INADEQUACY A feeling that one is not good enough; a feeling of failure to reach an expected or required level one feels one must have been able to, in a certain context or situation.
INCONSIDERATE Careless of the rights or feelings of others; lacking regard for the rights or feelings of others.
INDIFFERENCE Having no particular interest or concern; apathetic.
INFERIORITY Feeling less than or of less importance than others.
INSANITY Committing the same mistakes again and again, but expecting different results each time.
INSECURITY The state of not feeling or being safe; lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety.
INTOLERANCE Lack of respect of the thinking and behavior of others; unwillingness or refusal to respect or tolerate difference of opinions, ideas, perceptions or beliefs in others.
IRRITATION A state of being annoyed; an uncomfortable feeling of distress; the act of troubling or annoying someone through unfriendly behavior.
ISOLATION Keeping oneself apart from others by completely withdrawing away from them; by living in solitude.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
JEALOUSY Mental uneasiness arising out of suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc.
JUDGING Forming or passing an opinion on others based on what we think is right or wrong.
JUSTIFICATION A character defect that is demonstrated in efforts to prove to be just, right, or reasonable. Defend, explain, clear away, or make excuses for by reasoning.
LONELINESS A feeling of depression resulting from being alone; the state of feeling alone; lack of belonging or closeness with others.
MANIPULATION Managing skillfully with the intent to deceive and get what one wants.
MEANINGLESSNESS Having no meaning, direction, or purpose; failing to find any meaning or purpose; disinterested.
MISERY A feeling of intense unhappiness and dissatisfaction; suffering or distress that one goes through when feeling that he/she has been unjustly or unfairly treated by painful experiences and difficult circumstances in life.
OBSESSION A disturbing or fixed and often unreasonable idea or feeling that cannot be put out of the mind such as resuming the use of drugs to feel better; that fixed idea that takes us back time and time again to our particular drug, or some substitute, to recapture the ease and comfort we once knew.
OFFENSIVE Treat somebody in such a way that their dignity or emotions are attacked.
OVERPOWERING To subdue by being too strong or forceful; so strong as to be irresistible; imposing.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
PANIC a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly.
PARANOIA: Extreme, irrational distrust of others; a mental state induced by repeated use of drugs over a period of time characterized by delusions such as grandeur or persecution.
PEOPLE-PLEASING Acting to the pleasure and satisfaction of others so as to feel good about oneself through others acknowledgement and approval; a dishonest behavior to deceive others by flattering them to get our way.
POVERTY Feeling poor and lacking; a tendency to look at only what one does not have and an inability to see the good things and blessings one has.
PRECONCEIVED To form an opinion, for example, before possessing full or adequate knowledge or experience; already being in the state of having formed an idea of, imagining, or understanding.
PRIDE Too high an opinion of ones own worth that results in a feeling of being better than others; excessively high opinion of oneself that may lead to conceit.
PROCRASTINATION To put off doing something until later; to put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
PROJECTING To place ones own expectations and desires in place of what is actually happening, and thus experiencing a skewed reality.
RAGE A state of extreme anger; to speak or act in violent anger.
RATIONALIZATION Finding believable but untrue reasons for ones conduct; a defense mechanism by which ones true motive is concealed through explaining the actions and feelings in a way that is believable.
REACTING An inappropriate response of the body and mind to a stressful situation; a response that reveals a person's feelings or attitude.
RECKLESS The state of wild careless behavior; with defiant disregard for danger or consequences.
RELAPSE To slip or fall back into a former condition after a change for the better, such as using drugs again.
RESENTMENT A feeling of angry displeasure at a real or imaginary wrong, insult, or injury; Indignation, bitterness or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance about someone or something that happened in the past.
RESERVATIONS Holding back something; to accept something but with an exception; setting up a condition for possible future use; giving in partly due to doubts arising within.
REVENGEFUL to exact punishment on someone for a perceived wrong in a resentful state of mind; seeking an opportunity to retaliate or gain satisfaction.
RIDICULE To make fun of; expression or behavior intended to mock or humiliate.
RIGID Stiff or unyielding; not flexible, unbending.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
SELF-ABSORPTION Great interest or engrossment in ones own interests and affairs; preoccupation with the self to the exclusion of everything else.
SELF-AGGRANDIZING The act of enhancing or exaggerating one's own importance, power, or reputation; to increase ones influence by drawing attention to ones own importance.
SELF-CENTERED Concerned only with ones own affairs; selfish; caring only about yourself and your own needs.
SELF-CRITICAL A tendency to obsessively focus on and find ones own faults, mistakes and weaknesses.
SELF-DESTRUCTIVE The act or process of destroying oneself; suicidal tendency to indulge in an act or process that is detrimental and dangerous for ones own self and life.
SELF-IMPORTANCE To take oneself too seriously to an unhealthy extent and detrimental effects.
SELF-PITY Feeling that life or others treat you unfairly; pity for oneself; a feeling of sorrow (often self-indulgent) over your own sufferings.
SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS Being strongly convinced of the rightness of ones actions or beliefs to a point where others actions or different beliefs are perceived wrong; moralistic; feeling satisfied with ones own intelligence and wisdom expressing itself in an annoying and offensive way with others.
SELF-SEEKING Seeking to mainly further ones own interest; taking advantage of opportunities without regard for the consequences for others.
SHAME A painful emotion caused by having done something wrong or improper; caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, lack of personal capacity, a regrettable act or disgrace.
SPITE Nastiness or refusing to come to order.
STAGNATE Exist in a changeless situation; to become inactive; be idle.
STINGINESS Unwilling and reluctant to part with, share or give to others; miserly and niggardly in spending money, energy, time or interest to an extent where even necessities are ignored.
SUBMISSION Submitting to various demands that are contrary to ones innermost self with a belief that others would fulfill ones needs if only one throws oneself on ones knees and flatter others.
SUPERIORITY Feeling that one is more important than others.
SUPERSTITIOUS An ignorant belief or notion not based on reason or awareness; an irrational fear of the unknown due to ignorance.
SUPPRESSION An act of control in an attempt to refrain from showing; to put down; subdue.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
UNCERTAINTY Lack of faith due to having to rely on incomprehensible and thus unpredictable factors; that which involves perceived danger due to ones inability to predict or to place confidence in the unknown; unsettled, flickering, not clearly determined.
UNKIND Being nasty, mean or callous with another; harsh or ruthless.
UNMANAGEABILITY Impossible to manage, to keep under control or within limits; out of ones control.
UNWILLING Reluctant to be open-minded; loath to suggestions or directions; offering resistance.
VANITY excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.
VOID A strong feeling of emptiness; a constant feeling that something is lacking that needs to be filled within us.
WORRY to torment oneself with, or suffer from, disturbing thoughts; to feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled.
You can add more defects of character to this list as you identify them as also being active within you while doing your stepwork.
All the best...
P.S. Most of the explanations/meaning given for the defects in this list has been coined by me according to how I feel these defects express themselves in me from time to time. Hence these meanings I have given to many from the above list might be subjective, for example, what it means for an addict might be entirely different from what the same word means for people outside NA and so on...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I was taught that the list of character defects in the 6th step is taken directly from that which was uncovered in steps 4 and 5.
I have my sponsees to do the same. We then talk about which from the list are defects that are currently active and which have occurred in the past but are not present in the present. It is important to know that any of them can reoccur even after being dormant for some time.
If you are struggling, your sponsor can most likely help since she probably recently guided you through your 4th step and heard your 5th step.
I use Step Four to identify and acknowledge my defects, Step Five to own them through an admission to myself, to another human being and to my Higher Power.
Step Six is the Step of transformation, where I get to see what I achieve when I take my defects into use, explore the principles of the program that I could use in those situations instead, and become entirely willing to cooperate with my Higher Power towards this transformation.
My first Sponsor always exclaims "Step Six is an ACTION step" that springs us into action as a consequence of our fourth step inventory and the surrender and acceptance that the fifth step brings into us.
I become entirely ready and willing to allow my Higher Power to help me drop the rocks by shifting from a tendency to use our defects of character to practising the corresponding spiritual principles instead on a daily basis, in all situations that crop up and with all people. It's a life-long process for me because having certain defects removed this way through my sixth and seventh steps doesn't mean that they are gone. They do rear their ugly heads since I'm never cured of my addiction, which is subtly patient in it's manipulation over me and progessive too I get to apply Step Six again and again as a practical action step everyday.
When I was a few months clean and had just started working the steps, I thought that Steps Two and Six are just a formality that can be breezed through without any effort for the more important next step
But today, I realized that Step Six along with Step Two are real "action" steps that demand that I approach, behave and respond differently right here-right now to any of my existential problems...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I understand that some of my defects were shown to me in Steps four and five, however, I am sure that I have many more than were shown in those steps. So, I asked for suggestions to figure out which ones I am missing... As I begin to work on my sixth step, my sponsor asked me to prepare a list of what I "thought" my character defects are - she also will prepare a list for me. For my list, I only came up with three - LOL!!!!! I figured there were many more that I didn't exactly know how to name, hence, the post and request for help! So, thank you all for sharing with me.
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
Actually my sponosr of that time gave me a simple task on Step 6 and 7. Basically he said they were the ""forgotten steps"". very few addicts actually apply these Steps till the apin gets unbearable,, hope to God its not too much to handle. The basic thing was to identify a defect,, then work on releasing that,, with love and understanding. Althgough somking is not really the defect, i nevertheless used 6 and 7 to be rid of tha habit. I had come to believe that smoking wasnt in line with a positive self image and so i decided Ill do what it takes to stop smoking. I asked around the meetings and found someone who had stopped in recovery,, I used his experienec and lo and behold,, its now 14 odd years since i stopped. I never had to smoke again ,, i had tried doing it on will power,promise to myself etc,,, but it was always back to smoking after few hours,, only one time did i "score" about two months or so when I was in the treatment centre. This time around,, with these two Steps,, ive been a non smoker for 14 odd years,, thank God for teh Steps 6 and 7 !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Elder's Meditation of the Day January 25 "Also ask your heart to purify and cleanse this defect and harmful desire. Ask also the help of the inner father and mother. Every time we eliminate a defect, we build our soul, our inner temple. We ascend. like going up a stairway." --Willaru Huayata, QUECHUA NATION, PERU The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of our character defects if we constructively review our conduct each day, asking where we are resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Remember, we need to review constructively, not destructively. Destructive review is when we ask, "what's the matter with me anyway." or "how could I be so stupid?" These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect our self esteem. In constructive review we ask, "what will I do next time?" With constructive review we progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom.
My Creator, allow me to have my defects because through them I gain in knowledge of Your will.
Beautiful reflection, Wendy. Thank you so much for posting it.
Verily, I couldn't have understood the paradox in the last line of this reflection if not for the continuous spiritual awakening that each of the steps of our program blesses me with. My Intellectual reasoning always falls miserably short of perceiving and experiencing these paradoxes of life, self and creation.
The mind cannot make what the heart sees...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Lately I have really had to concentrate on this step, once again I find myself in the snake pit of defects, even repeating behaviors that are so hurtful and harmful and find myself on the losing end of the pit.
Once turning these things over and having faith they will at some point be removed I carry on and try to keep that faith in front of me and my big mouth :).
Hi BigV, I feel I can share with you and for anyone else who might make use of it the Step Six worksheet that was passed on by my first Sponsor to me and which I use in my own personal recovery to this day Feel free to take what you want and leave the rest. I post it below with the hope that it helps another soul just like it does for me and a few of my NA friends...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
NA STEP WORKING GUIDE FOR STEP SIX The principle of Step Six is TRANSFORMATION.
It is suggested that you first read the text of Step Six from the NA book IT WORKS HOW AND WHY [pages 59-68]. Share your perception of what you read with your Sponsor and also at meetings. Mark those parts that you need more understanding on from your Sponsor and discuss those parts with your Sponsor until you have arrived to a clearer understanding on the same. It is suggested that you carry out a minimum of one inventory every day for the next 30 days as per the format given below taking one situation that arose in the course of the day. If you have problems identifying a defect (or naming a defect), you can use the list of defects of character provided in this step working guide or seek help from your Sponsor for the same. It is suggested that you answer the questions 1-6 of the Sixth Step Inventory everyday.
Share your experiences of working Step Six as suggested in the above tasks with your Sponsor and at meetings after the completion of the above tasks. If both you and your Sponsor feel you are entirely ready to have your Higher Power remove your defects of character after the completion of the above step work tasks, you can move on to Step Seven. If you are not sure that you're entirely ready yet, you can continue your daily Sixth Step Inventory until you feel entirely ready. Your Sponsor can also help you assess if you're ready to move on to Step Seven. STEP SIX INVENTORY
EVERY DAY, I TAKE A MINIMUM OF ONE SITUATION OR EXPERIENCE FROM THAT DAY WHICH GENERATED EMOTIONAL DISCOMFORT WITHIN ME AND LEADING ME TO ACT OUT ON MY DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. EXAMINE AND FOCUS ON THAT POINT IN THE SITUATION WHICH TRIGGERED THIS DISCOMFORT WITHIN LEADING TO YOUR ACTING OUT THROUGH THE BELOW INVENTORY QUESTIONS [If there were more than one aspect that triggered or caused this discomfort within, examine each of those aspects separately using the below inventory questions].
[1] LEARNING CONSCIOUSLY TO RECOGNIZE A DEFECT OF CHARACTER WHEN I USE IT
Describe briefly the situation where I began feeling this emotional discomfort, and where I became aware that I acted out on one or more of my defects. Note down this/these defect(s) you took into use in this situation at the top of your answer to Question 2.
[2] ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF USING THIS/THESE DEFECT(S) OF CHARACTER Advantages - (a) What does (name of the character defect) do FOR me? (b) What do I think I get out of using (name of the character defect)? Disadvantages - (a) What does (name of the character defect) do AGAINST me? In reality, what did I get out of using (name of the character defect)?
[3] FINDING ALTERNATIVE POSITIVE WAYS (Spiritual Principles of the Program) TO ACHIEVE THOSE BENEFITS THAT I THOUGHT MY DEFECTS WOULD ACHIEVE FOR ME (as identified in our answer to the firs part of the above question) WITHOUT HAVING TO ACT OUT ON MY DEFECTS AND ENDING UP ACHIEVING THE DISADVANTAGES (as identified in our answer to the second part of the above question) (a) What did I actually want to achieve when I used this/these defect(s) of character? (b) In which other positive ways as suggested by the Program can I achieve the same?
[4] WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY IN THE SITUATION? [5] IS THERE A SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE I WOULD LIKE TO ASK FOR MY HIGHER POWER'S HELP TO PRACTICE? Additional Tasks for Step Six
[1] While working on the above Sixth Step Inventory, I also simultaneously write down a minimum of one thing/incident/situation which I experienced as a success on that day and ask myself why I experienced this as a success.
[2] Next, I ask myself if my feeling successful was due to acting out on my defect(s) or as a result of practicing a principle of the program.
[3] Today, did I feel joy that I had difficulties holding on to, and if so what was it about?
[4] Did I have difficulty holding on to my joy because I could not get myself to share it with others? If no, why did I have problems experiencing my joy? If yes, why did I have problems sharing it with others? Was I not able to share it with others because I feared their condemnation, envy, ridicule etc.?
[5] How can I share my joy with others with fearing anything? In what ways? And why do I need to share my joy with others? What do I feel sharing my joy with others would do for my recovery?
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Oh wow, what a wonderful threat. Step six is my absolute favorite step together with step seven. I also perceive these two steps to be the center piece of my daily appliance of my program, because I need to use them quite frequently in the course of a day. I use the same format as you Tahir and would like to share how I make an actual sixth step.
1) I got annoyed with my friend because he failed to return my amplifier the agreed on time. ANNOYANCE 2a) What is my annoyance going to do for me? It is going to secure that my friend returns my applifier on time. 2b) What do I think I get out of my friend returning my amplifier on time? I think that I will be feeling more peaceful when lending him the amplifier. 2c) What does my annoyance do against me? It allows me to get angry with my friend so that he will return it on time. 2d) What does being angry my friend so as to change him do against me? Being angry with my friend creates disturbance in my mind. 3a) What was it I wanted to achieve by using my annoyance? I wanted to be more peaceful about lending him the amplifier. 3b) What was it I achieved by applying my anger? I achieved disturbance of mind. 4) How can I achieve peace of mind without taking my annoyance into use in the situation? I can stop lending him the amplifier, or I can accept that he is the way he is and stop expecting to get my amplifier back on time. 5) Higher Power, grant me the capacity to set a boundery or to accept my friend as he is.
Additional task: 1) Today I experienced a great succes in my social interactions with my sponsee from Denmark. 2) I experienced that as a succes because I was sharing with my sponsee and she with me whatever issues she had in life presently, and that gave her the opportunity to clear up her mind and me the opportunity to express my perception of similar issues seen through the eyes of my program. 3) I had difficulties holding on to my joy because I was not able to accept that I needed time to digest our wonderful talk before I moved on to the next thing, and I started feeling euphoria instead of joy. 4) I had no difficulties sharing my talk with my sponsee with another. In fact I did just that but I forgot to focus on the joy it brought me. I just shared what growth I myself got from it and the joy expressed by my sponsee. 5) I can share my joy of my succes with others and I do believe that my perception of my successes have a tendency to grow wild and be exaggerated, if I keep them a secret, same way as my defects of character grow wild if I keep them a secret.
Well that was about it! Hope it can be of use to some other members in the same way it has been for me.
Awesome share Solvejg, thank you for sharing. Glad you're here with us. NA Hugs & Fellowship Love
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Solvejg, thanks for sharing your experience. Steps six and seven are also my favorite steps. Together they have brought me tremendous peace and transformation.
In addition to the practical applications that have been shared, there is also a very spiritual aspect to the sixth and seventh steps. For example, I find that I have a very deep, almost secret fear of achieving spiritual bliss. Why? I'm not sure. The fear of "success," perhaps. Or maybe I fear what will happen to me. (I do!) I might even be afraid that if I let go completely, my spirit will soar -- and then what?
Nevertheless, it is because of that fear, that I develop character defects. I hold myself back because I am afraid to let go. I somehow believe they (my defects, bad habits, whatever) keep me "safe." They are behaviors, attitudes, thought patterns, etc. that I hold tightly. When I manage to achieve that rare moment of being free from all defects, I actually experience the sensation of falling - as if I am in a free fall into nothingness. Into the great void.
I am learning to not be afraid of heights.
I am learning that filling the void is not the goal. Being in the void is the goal.
Fear of success is part of the addictive personality,, each time im enjoying myself,,theres been fear of later pain,, ( it used to be self fulliflling prophesy that after pleasure will come pain) but over the years ,, as my self esteem grows, as my sense of self worth and honesty grow, iv come to believe that Im entitled to success and happiness ! to share and hold onto good feelings and success is my responsiblity !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hey thanks all for sharing your experiences, very insightful.
Thank God, the steps permit me to acknowledge, own and embrace all parts of me, my virtues and my defects, my rights and wrongs, the angelic me and the demonic me, that I don't need to deny or suppress some part of me by saying that's not me or that's not supposed to be me or that shouldn't be and so on...
Grateful for the understanding that I need to own the whole of me before I can work towards change through this step...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
some more thoughts I have on this subject= t and the Basic Text reads MANY OF US TEND TO THINK OF ADDICTION AS PART OF OUR TRUE SELF. i it also reads reservations rob us of the benefits that this Program has to offer. I believe that aggressiveness,dishonesty,loudness etc.are part of a false character . that s part of addiction the sickness and dis-ease.. its time to let it go whenever it begins to control my life. i am responsible for my recovery,, i believe that i may own up to being angry,greedy etc,,, but thank God im ionformed that i dont own those defects,,, its just something id cultivated ,,now i can simply decultivate them. so they dont cause pain in my life again. I crave that transformation simply because thatll make me a better recovering addict than I ever was till now !!!
-- Edited by Raman at 16:03, 2008-01-31
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Tahir's post reminds me that I reached my greatest level of self-acceptance through working steps six and seven. I learned to embrace and love all aspects of myself rather than fighting or attempting to control the parts of me I didn't like or was ashamed of. I love me today in all my imperfect glory!
humility is a true understanding of my strengths and weakness,,, it also means that just for today Ill act out of my strengths,, stop acting out my weakness and be entirely ready to let those weakneses go !!! with love and understanding,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Something beautiful that I once read in our literature comes to my mind at this moment...
When we see how our defects exist in our lives and accept them, we can let go of them...
We learn that we are growing when we make new mistakes instead of repeating the old ones...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Okay - so I've officially started writing on my Sixth Step and it is actually making me feel very accepting of myself (I guess that's the humility kicking in). I truly feel that this is a pivotal step for me. Every step I work, I feel a little more free and I see a little more growth in myself...more acceptance, more serenity, more powerlessness, etc.
I am grateful for all of your comments and suggestions. I am grateful to be clean today...grateful for those who came before me and for those who will surely follow....
AND GRATEFUL TO BE ME! THAT'S REALLY BIG!!!! - THAT'S GROWTH!!!
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
Thanks for actually starting this thread. Has been a very productive thread this one, touching at the core of the program - living the steps
So many perceptions and experiences shared here, wow, I'm richer in my awareness now as compared to what I was before this thread came into being...
Thank you all,
I AM
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Ok ok, I couldn't resist from sharing some more of my personal Sixth Step tools that were passed on to me...
Take what you NEED and LEAVE the rest!
I perceive Step Six as an action step because I have to act differently in those sitations where I usually am tempted to use those defects of character that I have decided to become entirely ready to be removed by my Higher Power. That is how I show my willingness in action. And my urges to use these defects is strongest in my crisis situations.
The following are some "Action" affirmations that I remember and attempt to use in these situations as part of my Sixth...
Be gentle. It's an act of trust.
Trust yourself. Intuition is your brain working behind your back.
Get help. Sometimes things are too much.
Create space for yourself - use environment, time and boundaries.
Cocoon yourself for transformation. Surviving is not enough.
Embrace your antagonists. Struggle, anger and disagreements lead to renewal.
Admit mistakes, including the ones no one else would know.
Keep focused. Grandiosity works only for the messianic.
Stop doing things that don't work. Trying harder only creates shame.
Sustain your visions. You will become your images.
Avoid catastrophizing. A stranglehold on reality helps you, as well as others.
Finish things now. Incomplete transactions make for obsession.
Care for your body. it is the primary spiritual act.
Act to contain disasters. If too late, watch.
Plan for surprises. Only victims are surprised.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I have found the main taproots of my disease is despair and all its forms
rage and all its forms and fear and all of its forms. Think about the different forms these take and there are many, despair, is quitting, whats the use attitude, why bother, its useless to do anything different,avoiding, leaving, evading,running away, I have no value, Im no good, its useless to try to be different, and more, rage, anger, resentment,separation,isolation,against others,violence of thought or action, angry language, cursing,disatisfaction,hositility,defense,retaliation,that leads to self destruction, suicide, anger against self, depression,reaction,angry attitude,macho,pride,arrogance,etc, and fear, non action,projection into the future negatively, negative thinking,pessimistic,hiding from self, running,evasion etc, they overlap each other and lead into each other,
Anger is not a defect. Defects are our dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Anger is a feeling, and as recovering addicts we are not in the business of avoiding feelings. Anger may well be the entirely appropriate emotional response to a situation, and as such we need to allow it. What we do NOT need to do is act on it. We are not human pinballs, living is not about reacting to whatever the world throws at us. We have choices. We are not meant to control our thoughts and our feelings, we are only meant to experience them, but we have absolute say in how we behave, and recovery is about recognising that choice and being empowered by it. All of our feelings actually contain important information, and we must learn the lessons they are trying to teach, or we'll be doomed to repeat the same mistakes. It is dangerous thinking for an addict to mis-categorise any emotion as a defect, as well being exactly the kind of mistake that our illness wants us to make. Feelings are OK, feelings are actually our friends, and the source of much of our wisdom and freedom from active addiction. The illness doesn't want you to know that. Be kind to your mistakes, take the lessons that they offer. You will feel far less anger when you can stop reacting and start to exercise a choice. Two things that I find helpful to remember here are 1) What other people think of me is absolutely none of my business 2) If the honest answer to a question is "I don't know" then have the humility to own it, you don't have to have the answer right now, this instant...
I just have to say that this is the most complete and through list of Character Defects I have ever seen. I will use this with all my sponsee's and on my own step work.... Thank you !!!!!
