the same for all= Im a luck guy, straight ahead after coming into NA !!!! but before that there was nonchance for me as each time i tried to stop thru geographical changes,medicine and religion,, it all came back. I did not know that when i used drugs in one form or another i was releasing my addiction all over again !!!!! My thoughts wre If only I knew how i can control my smack usage then i will use only on weekends and otherwise be gainfully employed alcohol is ok how can i stop being paranoid after using grass etc etc etc. I had no idea that addiction is a dis-ease , that gets released all over again because the methods presented to me were inadequate to contain it for any long period of time. I was actually relieved when they said in NA that recovery involved contionus and complete abstinence for all forms of mood changing and mind altering narcotics !! so I hope I was able to share some concept about the disease itself and how it leads to Relapse thru error in thought,, that later becomes action. Now about your question = keep attending meetings get a buddy system going like, make a list of friends in recovery,, we are here to help, use those phone numbers freely,, to discuss and share thoughts about using,about feelings and also good things that are happening !!! READ na LITERATURE LIKE THE BASIC TEXT AND THE JUST FOR TODAY !!! "'COMPLETE AND CONTINOUS ABSTINENCE IN CLOSE ASSOCIATIONAND ASSOCIATION WITH OTHERS IN NA GROUPS IS STILL THE BEST GROUND FOR GROWTH"==BASIC TEXT OF NA ALL THE BEST OF RECOVERY LUCK TO YOU SYLVIA,,,YOU ARE WORTH IT !!!!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
what is something that has helped you guys get back on track after relapse? the only way i find my way back is if something bad happens.
Sylvia I relapsed after over 5 years clean and i didn't want to go threw the whole cycle again because i was pretty damn sure I wasn't going to survive another 3-4 years out there like the time before, I HAD to get back and get cleaned up and get things sorted out in my head.
I had to face some things about myself I had not been honest about one being that my life was totally unmanageable and that is what lead me back to using. I had to take an inventory of who and what Iwas and what my addiction was and how it all effected me staying clean and happy.
Befrore I relapsed there were things going on I had to go over in depth, my life and behavior was shambles, my atitude was really wrong and I wasn't listening to my higher power who was YELLING at me to do just a few things.
I had to look at why I was hearing this direction and not listening, why my self will lead me straight back to using and what little effort I put into not using again.
This is something that helped me, a close friend and spiritual advisor who talked with me and told me I wasn't a bad person and I deserved to be clean and happy with myself that is what I needed because I felt like and thought that i was garbage. I had to get honest, I had to get willing, I had to be open to new things and that new thing for me was NA, Service, reworking my 4th step honestly, making a list of the unmanageable areas and aspects of my life and me.
This helped too, I found this one day while surfing the net and it hit me square in the face that this was my life and that it was ok to fall down to my knees in failure but it was up to me to get back up off my knees and work this out.
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. " Theodore Roosevelt
So you see Syliva the importance of having others in our lives, for me it was even a dead person LOL ol Theodores words helped me out.
its true for me... when i suffer enough i give in to recovery.. when i have enough pain and misery...i give in to recovery..
willingness is the key to surrender
i surrender daily
i choose not to shut the door on my past..but i don't live there today.
my last relapse had me out in hell again for a year, today i know that i was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I cannot control myself once i pick up that First one... period. today...using is not an option, i choose recovery, i choose to live in the solution, which for me is Narcotics Anonymous and all it encompasses, the meetings, my sponsor, the liturature, my higher power, and sharing with another addict in recovery as no one else understands what i am going through like another addict.
today it is a fear...not so much that i will die if i use...but moreso that i will stay in that hell...year after year.. if i pick up. when i use i hurt me, when i use i hurt others.
We have a feeling disease- dis-ease with our feelings.. some days i used so i didn't feel, other times i used so i could feel.
what i know today is that time takes time. one day at a time.
keep coming back, keep sharing, it takes the power away from our dis-ease.
thank you guys for taking the time to answer my question... its just that sometimes i convince myself that if i use in secret it's not going to affect anyone but me. reality is the only real "hell" i've felt while using is family and friends trying to stop me. i hate it when people get in the way of what i want.
wow that sounds selfish
i have read stories about people addicted to alcohol and meth..and it scares me what they have personally been through. they scare me..but in the back of my mind somethings tells me i can control it. like Raman said..he thought he could just use on weekends. i think "well hey i can just use pot!" but through past experience i know that it gets boring and i'll move onto something else.
i shall begin reading the NA book i have, and hopefully become more informed and maybe even scared of what i could end up like.
but Sylvia... YOU are the most important!!!! in secret... :)
there was a day when... i thought...if everyone would just be ok with my using... we would all live happily ever after.. ya...ok... i too wanted to do what i wanted to do when i wanted to do it.. self will at full force.
one of my relapses began with using "just pot" and yes...it was the gateway drug for me...
that "something in the back of your mind".... is your addiction.
we love you, and will keep loving you until you love yourself :)
keep coming back Sylvia,, we will all love you the NA Way !!! and please remember,, the time to call or write is before and not after !! If it is right then I suggest phone numbers= mines long distance to India,, but here goes anyway= 91-9845181485. I promise you Im like on answering 24 hours a day and it will be a previlege to be on call for you. Im sure many of us here are willing to help similarly !! This Forum has ceratinly met all my recovery needs these last three odd years im a member here,,Im sure you will gain too !! God (The Force that keeps us addicts clean and serene) Bless you in your recovcery too !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
thank you guys for taking the time to answer my question... its just that sometimes i convince myself that if i use in secret it's not going to affect anyone but me.
I can completely relate Sylvia. I used in private for 12 years on-and-off without anyone's knowledge. Now that my family knows, all I can wish for is that I never told them. It feels stupid and selfish, but it's a real feeling and you're brave to admit it.
and yes zeebot it sucks after they know. some of my family just dosnt even deserve knowing because they are not well informed. they have this weird idea in their head that all i have to do to recover is stop using and i'll be fine.
well i had been clean for 3 months but i was fine. the desire to use was still in me. i dream about using all the time. sometimes i feel like i'm high. i think its my body's way of saying "don't you miss it?". i'll even smell it in the most randomest times.
i dont think we can fully recover from addiction because its in us..therefore we say i AM an addict.
i feel really good about myself right now though i think its going to work this time because i want it for me. other times i was sort of "forced" to quit. its all me this time baby!!
I find that my addiction waits for a vulnerable moment to happen, Hungry, angry, tired, lonely these are common times that addiction will call on us there are many other times too it will call you.
The thing about compulsion and obsession to use is DONT FEED IT its like feeding a tiger a small piece of meat he's going to want more and more he'll even get more and more out of control, just stop the thoughts in its tracks, ask God to remove this thinking and feeling and do a quick inventory on how your FEELING, we , most of us used behind our feelings so we need to identify where we're at as soon as possible so take the time so exam where your at.
Soon these times will repeat themselves over and over and each time you get to know yourself better, you may need to go get something to eat, you may need to calm down if your too angry, you may need to call a friend if your lonely and you may need to rest if your tired.
These are ways we can get past these compulsions and we get to know ourselves better as we stay clean, the thoughts become less of a response and staying clean gets easier in time.
Keep coming back thanks everyone for sharing ESH great family here!!
thank you for pointing that out bigv. i really needed to hear that.
funny how that always happens!
i use to do that often when i was in the group home. it's not like i could give in because there were no drugs around. so i had to find a way to keep me sane. i had to take control of my thought before they took control of me. i found this to be extremley helpful and eventually the thoughts would come less often and when they did come i was able to catch em right away and pretty much eliminate them.
but sometimes we all forget!! so thank you for reminding me!!
Only a saved soul can maintain a effective objection toward a greatful future. I belive this is a moment to interlock those things in life, we otherwise i otherwise took for granted. The price is so much higher now, time is far from friendly. On the most serious pivot, I imagin the remote view of possiblities. Good or bad these mentionables range from family, love, suceess, and learning to just be alone. It is something my spiritual side has withdrawn from, to let me feel again. It is very odd but I hope the measure will outlast staggering emotion.
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Every positive action, rewards a positive reaction.
