making this spiritual life more then a theory I'm finding is tough.
Like a roller coaster ride , up down up down maybe need something to smooth out my ride like prozac or is that a cop out?
Emotions run amok, one minute I am in control the next totally burzurk.
Worry, economic nothing saved to get me threw the winter, barely enough to pay the rent this month, trying to have faith yet still taking it back with worry.
Can't seem to get along with anyone have to force myself to keep my mouth shut, hell didn't even get a Xmas bonus at work no one did and no one says a thing asking WHY i'm like wanting to go into the owners office and ask if we didn't make them freakn money this year, not that the $100 freaken bonus means much it did at least show some small degree of appreciation for us.
Greatful? where did it go i have been to several really good meetings lately made me feel good about where i'm at , clean but not recovering from all the crap in my head and defects.
A few things here have really frustrated me I have just about been ready to run from it , trying not to get overly involved but i did somethings that really bothered me and made me uncomfortable, had to ask a few people to stop helping due to the lack of clean time they had and that made me feel like a bad guy I hope I didn't hurt anyone from what I did.
I thought about using last night, the booze bottle showed up in my head, just a picture "HERE I AM COME GET ME" easy way out isn't so easy theres a price i'm not willing to pay today so take the hard road which is actually the easier road in the end
I'm going to run off another woman I feel it coming, guess this time i'll take a longer break inbetween relationships and get some recovery.
Nope, I don't want to trade places with you! Got a set of those things of my own going on! I think the longer I stay clean the more I don't know. Or maybe I just keep having to learn more things in a different way. I'm working on that not running people off thing too. But it's a hard one for me. I find that if I'm alone I don't have to work on me so hard and I'm a hard soul to work on. But I don't really want them to go and if I can ever get it up an out of my throat to say help me change this, I've been able to stop a couple of people leaving. I feel as if I can do it again if I can just get past causing one person to leave my life. I work hard at not doing intentinal harm. When I do it always harms me and I feel it more the longer I stay clean. I'm glad you had this message here. I needed to know somone else feels the pull of streaching more in my growth. I'll hang in there a little longer if you will!
I don't think anyone here would trade places with anyone else after a glimpse into each others lives lol. I'm still trying to figure out what spirituality has to even do with sobriety??
Big V I hear you, life is full of challenges, and they don't seem to stop coming, do they?
I had a good friend pass away from a sudden heart attack today who was only 41 years old. He was so full of life and a good dad, and would do anything for you and expect nothing in return. I'm praying for his children and his Mom, and I just can't understand how this was God's will...
Travis, I joined the fellowship, and remember that in my very first meeting I spoke about how my Dad had saved his life with the 12 steps, but I didn't know about this "higher power" stuff. Don't look forward just try to get your handle around the first step. Believe me it will make sense to you in time....
Like a roller coaster ride , up down up down maybe need something to smooth out my ride like prozac or is that a cop out?
if you thought you had cancer wouldn't you talk to a doctor about? just be straight up with the doctor. I found a doc who understood addiction and specialized in my type of issues. After a few months I understood why I used far so long. Just my ESH...
Not alone katlady am I. I should name myself Katguy I have 4 now just lost my oldest girl recently, been really grieving over that but starting to be ok with it.
The reason spiritual principles work for me is because of my total self centered nature, because I try to control everything and everybody and I always end up dissapointed. some of us did a lot of bad things to get what we wanted and its all we knew, spirituality gives us a way of living that is good and healthy.
If you came here like me absolutely powerless over my addiction we have to find something that gives us strength to overcome our dilema a progressive, incurable and fatal dilema at that, if we keep using.
Instead we can have something that is greater then addiction I found that to Be a God of my understanding even with the small amount of faith in that God that I have it seems to be enough to keep me clean in my worst times. Others choose there own high powers, it might be the groups they go to for support,or even the program of NA but this is one thing many need to find for ongoing recovery and staying clean, this is the experience of many who have tried it many different ways like myself. Please above all else read the NA book it explains it much better then I ever could .
Thanks Jason I am giving it some thought I have an appointment in another month and will discuss it with my doctor I may just try something.
This afternoon went better I made some amends and admitted I was wrong about some things, I have some what calmed down and gotten grounded again. I always keep in mind that "This to shall pass", Dave my condolences to you and your friends family 41 is so young still, I just got on blood pressure meds this year I was so close to having a heartattach or stroke myself, just lucky sometimes some of us the least deserving.
A few comments and questions come to mind while reading your post:
How long have you been clean? How are you doing with sponsorship and step work?
As for your fears and frustrations: They are very temporary feelings and should therefore not be the bases of any decisions.
One of the great gifts of recovery is that we learn that our emotions/feelings no longer need to govern our lives. Decisions about jobs, relationships, finances, using, etc. are based on intellect and fact rather than shifting, fleeting feelings.
Having said that, I would now make the following suggestion: DO NOTHING. Allow the feelings to run their course. In the meantime, take very good care of yourself: Stay in safe places with safe people. Make more meetings than usual. Call your sponsor more than usual. No major changes or decisions. Don't do anything to make things worse.
Once the storm of emotions clears, you will more easily return to your intellect and be better able to make rational decisions - with input from your sponsor and support group, of course.
Unknowingly, you've helped me yet again. So I think your probably doing a better job of leading a spiritual life than you think you are. And I'm not quoting exactly cause I don't have The Big Book next to me but we seek progress right, not perfection. Something somebody said totally pissed me off when all i thought i was doing was reaching out -, and I was promptly put in my place - so I got what you said about frustration - it wasn't a debate or anything, and I thought; "What the F...?".
Most times, through trials and tribulations, I'm telling myself, "This too shall pass", This time I remembered another one; maybe you can use it too when you know your intent was not to offend, harm, hurt or make anyone uncomfortable and in return the vibe you get back is less than positive or hurtful; "It's not worth letting them rent the space in your head." But, like you, I'm not here to be an asshole.
On that note, I'd like to say If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted anyone here; it was not my intent. And you have my sincerest apologies.
How long have you been clean? How are you doing with sponsorship and step work?
I have been clean 18 months
For now God is my sponsor, this group and the NA group I go to and the program.
I try daily to live the steps, I have worked threw them all. At different times I focus on particular ones yesterday was step 10 step 7 and step 1 LOL.
I keep the program first in my life, without it I have nothing but myself to rely on and with just that in my life I have nothing but an addicts mind to work with, with that I have total failure. Yesterday I stayed clean and did'nt destroy my life because of this program and what its taught and given me.
Today I believe that my higher power will take care of me because, well, he always has in the past why should I stop believing in this proof. I try to do God's will which I believe is to love myself, my God and the people in my life and to help others when I can and to do all of this with the best of my abilitys. At times I lose this focus but I always find my way back pretty quick since usually I am some how jarred into it LOL, I just hate getting off track cause I have amends to make most of the time.
Ok hope everyone is having a nice weekend we have had nothing but rain for 2 days and we have a moment here where its clear so going outside to get some fresh clean air and sunshine. Love you all and thank you have a great day.
Hey BigV, no one needs to be spiritual all the time in all areas in the NA program no one possibly could... for me, it's about acknowledging my humaneness first. Then embracing it through self-acceptance, and only then comes the wisdom to identify what I could change to my advantage and the courage to change them... It's more about balancing for me... I have come to realize that I can grow spiritually and live spiritually without limits with the help of this program, but I cannot forget that I'm human too, in this body and mind, and as such subject to faults and flaws. I have to work towards the right balance, balancing between my two wings - spiritual and human wings I love progress and despise perfection... it's ok that I am the way I am at times, my Higher Power is cool about it too... lol...
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
well Vini you know how it felt to be in my position I do not envy you I know the stress you are facing feeling MIP is in your hands the tough decisions asked of you and carrying those out I guess God thought you needed to walk in my shoes I love MIP dearly but I am grateful not to be in service position any longer there is alot of pressure in this position but I left it to karma guess it bit back???????????
no one needs to be spiritual all the time in all areas in the NA program
OH beleive me Tahir I'm realizing this
Manon John has been very busy with a sponsee who passed away so its just a matter of time we'll get more help , I dont know anything about karma biting chit happens and it will all workout one day.
hey Vin,, im going to share a sharing i once heard,,, this old timer walk in and is asked to share he intros and says,,
"i had a great week,, mon my car got taken away for non payment tuesday an important contract got cancelled wednesday my ex says shes filed for more maintainance thursday i get abusive mails and sms form an ex grilfriend friday the heating in my house is gone and i have a cold cold nite saturday i cm home unexpectedly and see my gf in bed with my best friend,, but gee,, here I am, sunday morn this is a great meeting and im greatful to be here and still maintain after what ive shared that this has been a great week !"
and so he finshes his sharing ! at the end,, at Q and A time a newer member asks " you know im confused,,he shared all that and said hed had a great week !! How ?" to tis the old timer gets up and says "ye it was a great week, cause inspite of all that happening I stayed clean and serene and came to believe again that this Program works,, come hell or hogh water and under all circumstances !!!"
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Life can seem a little over whelming at times, but as the Oldtimer that shared in Ramon's post, (sic)there is nothing in life over whelming enough that needs cost us our Recovery. Nothing, except Reservations, Excuses and the Addict.
A very good anecdote, this one about the oldtimer's share, thanks for sharing it Raman, NA Hugs.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hard time remaining Spiritual in all aspects of life,
If it is SPIRITUAL POWERLESSNESS: We always have the First Step to work on then go on to the next. Call on your Sponsor, if he/she isn't getting you anywhere get another one.
Chapter 5 What can I do? Talks about using the stepsto improve our attitudes. To change is a huge part of Recovery. Guilt and worry keep us from living in the here and now. Denial of the disease keep us sick.
Worry, depression, anxiety, apathy, discouragment, procrastination, so on. These feelings that can knock me off my butt into a deep depression where I can't even pray. What I can do during that time is try to sleep until it lifts, praising God until I can pray. I have asked for others to be praying as well to intercede.
Last Year: My husband and I just walked through : I'm permanently Disabled, Cancer, amputation of a finger, Diabetes 2, He was fired no work for 4 months, cleaned out our savings, Our Son 22 is in trouble with alcohol related crimes., My Sponsor Died from Cancer at 49, our hunting dog blew a knee, my daddy has Cancer in his head. Surgery is Thursday.
God has been so good that it's amazing. No! Everything isn't perfect to us here. But God's Will is being done through his plans and directions. I can't see it, YET. But it is perfect he has the Master design, the completed piece. Praises to you Lord! Prayers are without seizing, going 24-7. God say's where two or three are gathered together in prayer in my name, I am there in the midst of them. Pretty awesome that as you are erading this God's with you. I certainly enjoy the presence of the Lord. Goodnight, Goodday, Goodmorning, Blessed
no one possibly could... for me, it's about acknowledging my humaneness first. Then embracing it through self-acceptance, and only then comes the wisdom to identify what I could change to my advantage and the courage to change them... It's more about balancing for me... I have come to realize that I can grow spiritually and live spiritually without limits with the help of this program, but I cannot forget that I'm human too, in this body and mind, and as such subject to faults and flaws. I have to work towards the right balance, balancing between my two wings - spiritual and human wings 
and it will all workout one day.
