what you see is a pic of my 4th Step being burnt,, i gave those 4000 pages of my history a decent cremation. I finshed about 13 years ago afer a two tear effort and wrote my whole life out in terms of incidents and events,thoughts and feelings. Ive been set free of may adictive behaviours,,when I moved on from there to the 5th, 6th, and the rest of the Steps ! I believe that in writing those pages of my history, i was thorough and fearless !! ive never had to do a 4th Step again, this last December when i moved from my previous palatial but old mansion,to a new apartment, i decided to burn it all up and thereby give it a decent send off,,, cremation !! I believe that each and every dark secret,shame,sorrow,fears and resentments and hates ,selfishness etc.have all been shared and that I was willing to let it all go back to where it all came from ,,, addiction,, and now move on further into recovery,,, just for today my thoughts will be on my new associations,people who are not using and have found a new way of life,,, so long as i follow that way i have nothing to fear !!!
DAMNIT RAMAN that would have made a great docudrama I would have directed it and gotten RICH
Nice having some peace and freedom inside isn't it. I need to burn mine it sits in a locked safe i'm not quite done with it I keep holding on for some reason.
Thanks Vin,, you sure do make me feel like a hero/villian,,, and a real anti hero sort of guy !!! boy do I hate the hero s@#$ !!! ha, ha, ha !!! yep,, ike my 4th Step Guide told me "yull know when yuve finished,,lsten to IT !"
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks Vin,, you sure do make me feel like a hero/villian,,, at heart im a real anti hero sort of guy !!! boy do I hate the hero s@#$ !!! ha, ha, ha !!! yep,, ike my 4th Step Guide told me "yull know when yuve finished,,lsten to IT !" i feel peace ike you say ,,, more so when i be myself !!! and i realize form what people tell me,, whether good/bad/,,, or hero/ villian,, we addicts are real,living characters !! we have a character that makes people want to loveus ,adore us and trust us !! Thank God the Steps gave me a turn around !! happy writin to you too ol buddy!! You sure are for real man !!! a real man in a fancy,false world !,, speckeld however with Goodness and Truth !!!!
-- Edited by Raman at 15:32, 2008-01-04
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
yes dave,, i had to write the 4th 4 times to get it done with,,, finally I did !!! someone once told me "3 INTO 4= 12" WHICH IS LIKE KEEP AT IT,, DECIDE TO WRITE,KEEP WRITING,TURN IT OVER WRITE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN TILL ITS OVER !!! THANKS !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Wrote mine at least 3 times I can think of in different periods in time, the last one was honest and pretty thorough. I was working on one before i relapsed after 5 years clean finished it after icame back and did it with my sponsor right away, maybe something got cleaned away but I still have more to do now, life goes on events and things happen even clean we make mistakes and do hurtful things to others, i'm still doing it which sickens me but rome wasn't built in a day :)
my first recovering addict friend said to me if u r a tightrope wlker and tell yourself " i will never fall" then if you do youd not want to get up and go on again,, however if you tell youself "i will reach the other side " then the chances are you certainly will,,, even if you fell,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. " Theodore Roosevelt
yeah Vin,, and each time i sing the song MY WAY,,, i realize the truth !! and then theres another= its better to have loved and lost than to be in shame of not having tried !! when you love entirely, you cannot lose entirely. the pain of having loved and then lost is better than the pain of not having tried at all !! thanks buddy and have a great day and nite too !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I would have directed it and gotten RICH
