Hello... I'm 34, I have been heavily abusing opiates for around 4 years... now I'm on my 7th day of using Suboxone in efforts to get clean for good.
I have tried to clean up twice before, once by using suboxone and once by going into an inpatient detox. I stayed clean for about 6 months after the inpatient detox before relapsing.When I tried the suboxone before I dont believe I really wanted to quite but after the detox I truly did want to quite, as I do now.I have put myself and my family through true hell.My wife (11years now) has put up with more than can be imagined and she is now still my greatest supporter.Without her support I would not have the strength left to get clean, fact is I would most likely be dead.We have two beautiful girls I cannot even imagine the torment Ive put them through but they are doing ok and are also being supportive.Anyway, thats a glimpse into a VERY LONG 4 years.Its good to be here on this site and Im hopeful that there will be a happy ending to my story.
i just celebrated my 1st birthday, i was fortunate to have 8 members of my family attend, when my oldest daughter shared she could barely talk for her tears..
what i know for sure is that my girls have unconditional love for their mommah, even through all the BS and pain my addiction has caused them, they love me, they support me... they want me to live, clean and sober, more importantly.. i want me to live clean and sober..
in order to do that i must be honest, openminded and willing, to do whatever it takes to be clean and sober, just for today, this 24 hours ahead of me..or if need be a breathe at a time, a minute at a time, an hour at a time.... my sponsor says...breathe in, breathe out and don't use in between. :)
my ego tells me i am not good enough or strong enough... my ego is weak and wants to kill me
my spirit is whole and strong and wants me to live in love.
it is who i feed that wins the day...
and so...we are given a 24 hour program, called Narcotics Anonymous
knowing from experience that i can not recover alone, together we can recover!!
i go to meetings, i keep close to the program and the people in it who want what i do.
today, for me, using is not an option, just for today.
Don't give up
and keep coming back
you are important and worth it!!
many hugs Wendy grateful addict in recovery my spi
Hitting bottom is different for everybody. Mine came after 25 years when she said "we're done"
For me the most important step I've taken was admitting my life had become unmanageable. My addiction had made me a self obsessed person without hope. I was resentful of the past, angry with what life had done to me, and was scared to death of things to come outside of my control.
There are a groups of people who thing you can make it. There are 12 steps that can show you how, there's a power greater than ourselves who wants to help you.
Thanks for the comments... I'm going around and around and around right now... I couldn't tell you if I feel good or bad, happy or sad... Im starting a new job Monday and can't even manage myself... I just want to SCREEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMM!
LOL, That's sound so familiar, SLOWWWWW DOWNNNNN! Welcome, everything will work it out just like God would have it. Try and remember to stay in today and don't use no matter what.
Glad your here, keep comming back, John
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When I truly believe in something, there will be no need to convince everyone else.
Welcome home Travis, thanks for sharing with us. Keep coming back, it does get better, NA Hugs & Fellowship Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thanks!!! I have not looked into any local meetings... I'm not sure how I feel about the 12 step program. It is so relign based... which I did not know before the other night.
It's NOT religous, it's spiritual. Your higher power can be the group, or the 12 steps, or a God of your understanding. It's can merely be a power greater than yourself.
I was down and very out, struggling with divorce, when I happened upon a friend of my late dad's. He said to me , "do you know your dad passed away in my arms? No I didn't...we were in a public place so I said, Are you a friend of Bill W's? He said yes, and I said I needed to talk to him. I told him of my divorce, of being diagnosed with a form of manic depression, and how I was at my wits end.
He told me his wife of 47 years had just booted him. This man had gone through bankruptcy and re-inveted himself and built a wonderful new carees in his 60's. He was so full of hope, it was like my Dad was speaking to me through him. Saying Dave you can do it, this is not the end of your life,you can go on and things will get better. This was my first awakening of spirituality in my life.
One bad aspect of addiction is your spirituality is replaced by self centerness. By learing to turn things over and asking to know his will for you, and the strenght and courage to carry it out, it takes your focus off of you, and let's you grow faith... Atleast this is my simple thinking.....
My first understanding of a "Higher Power" was a rocking chair where I sat and pretended to pray. My first sponsor's first "Higher Power" was an oak tree! I started out just learning to be quite for a few minutes in the morning and at night. To say please keep me claen and thank you for keeping me clean. The rest will come in time.
