I have not had a drink or a drug for a whole year!!!!
feels.... surreal... if i'm dreaming...don't wake me up!!!!
Most thanks to my HP! and thanks to your HP for bringing us together, i could not have made it alone, i have no doubt about that.
i really like this meditation i read yesterday..
"Build your life on the firm foundation of gratitude to God for all his blessings and true humility because of your unworthiness of these blessings. Build the frame of your life out of self-discipline, never let yourself get selfish or lazy or contented with yourself. Build the walls of your life out of service to others, helping them to find the way to live. Build the roof of your lfe out of prayer and quiet times, waiting for God's guidance from above. Build a garden around your lfe out of peace of mind and serenity and a sure faith." (Dec 27, 24 hours a day)
when my physical relapse started 2 years ago, i really thought i could handle myself and drugs again..control.. i really thought i was smart enough not to lose everything again. I swear to you it wasn't long before i was right where i left off and worse. I never gained any trust in myself never mind faith. I didn't because i didn't have trust and faith in the program, i didn't apply the principles to my life...heck i didn't even understand what the principles were.
I am currently reading a book called "Happiness Now" i highly recommend it. It says that the real issue is not time, it is acceptance, in particular, self acceptance. Happiness and self acceptance go hand in hand. That my level of self acceptance determines my level of happiness. The more self acceptance i have, the more happiness i will allow myself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, I enjoy as much happiness as I BELIEVE i AM WORTHY OF. As well, I suffer as much pain as I believe I am worthy of. Happiness is natural, easy and effortless to me when my self acceptance is high. To withhold self acceptance is to judge that i am not worthy of happiness.
One thing i know for sure is that i am meant to live clean and sober. I have an amazing life today thanks to this program. They say i must keep my HP first and foremost everyday, but it was this program that brought a HP into my life, and thankfully a Higher Power of my own understanding which is constantly growing, within. It is my ego that says look out, that i am not worthy, that i am not good enough, that i don't have enough, that i am bad, that i am wrong, that i am nothing. Anything to do with fear is my ego in full force. my spirit is love and says look within, i am worthy and whole. combat my ego with love. I don't think i will ever NOT have an ego but i believe that with practicing self acceptance i will live more by love than by dictation from my ego, I will live more with love than with fear. It is my ego that is powerless and definitely unmanageable!Not only do i strive daily for a reprieve from alcohol and drugs but for self acceptance. I know i can accept you awhole lot easier than i can accept myself. Practice makes correction. I come from a place of love, i got so lost in the shuffle, lost in fear and lonliness, the program brings me back to love, thank God!!! One day at a time. Commitment, something i never have had, to anything or anyone, until i found a chemical HP, It is no longer MY drugs..and MY alcohol.. simply drugs and alcohol, i choose sobriety today, i choose to stay clean today. By putting the program first, not myself, by putting gratitude and my HP first, Wendy has a great chance of living one more day clean and sober.
A fellow in the program says.. I must get to know myself, so i can control myself, so i can love myself and then I can love you. It really amazes me that this year has gone by so fast!!! I have so much to learn, I am excited about it. What have i learned especially? I DON'T HAVE TO USE DRUGS TODAY TO TRY TO ESCAPE WENDY! I have a gift, this day, to practice accepting me.
OMG WENDY I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GIRL it's an honest to God relief LOL I sit and wait for others to have Birthdays, really I celebrate with you all each time.
When you said:
i didn't apply the principles to my life...heck i didn't even understand what the principles were.
I could so totally relate that is exactly where I was I had no idea or even the concept and I don't think we get it until we hit bottom and are left with nothing , thats when we grab hold of new ideas pertaining to life and how to live it, you got it now girl and THAT right there is the solution and how of it's works.
SO SO HAPPY for you once again Wendy, you have "veni vidi vici'd" LOL BLESSINGS BLESSINGS BLESSINGS........
CONGRATULATIONS WENDY ON THE BIG AWESOME 365 MIRACLES
Acceptance is the key, just like you shared from this book. Most of my problems of addiction stemmed from my chronic dissatisfaction with self, others and life. I was all the time busy wishing everything about me and others and life and the world was different...
Once when I moved closer to acceptance and self-acceptance, for the first time, I could see the beauty of everything, both within and without, and I could allow my Higher Power to bring about the change in me and around me, in my Higher Power's own time.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
it's an honest to God relief LOL I sit and wait for others to have Birthdays, really I celebrate with you all each time.
on your 
year anniversary!
so we could have a real 
!
and two 
!
