Last week, my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me. I was beyond heart broken. He aparently cared alot so he stayed on teh phone with me until very late so that I would not hurt myself or relapse. He said he does not know how long he needs to "want" to be with me again, however, he hopes I am open minded enough to some day be with him again. We have been through alot. including my personal addiction and problems. He lied alot about stupid things. Hurt me emotionally in alot of different ways, but i stayed with it for security and the love i have/had for him. he was and still is so very important to me. this evening he wished me a merry christmas after not speaking for a week to let myself relax and emotionally recover. I sent him a comment via facebook (because he had signed off instant messaging) and said oh i have missplaced your number i need it again... because i had deleted his number to make sure i did not call him whenever i felt sad or upset. He then deleted the comment, and sent me an email via facebook telling me "i'm sorry but that's bullshit".
oh sorry, i was supposed to believe everything was fine and still keep you saftely tucked into my phonebook.. i sent him one back explaining (in 2 sentences) that i only did it so i would not break our deal of no talking and that i was sorry whatever. but i realized, that even when we arent together, he still makes it MY fault. like I'm the one who broke up with him.
He has always turned the table on me and I would just take it and cry and cry and cry and he would yell at me and fight with me because i was just hurt and couldnt handle College, Recovery, Physical therapy (from shoulder surgery 2) and everything else. I had alot of pressure on me this semeter but i pulled out clean with a 3.0
i have also been exposed to an experience of sexual and physical assault from a year ago before i met my ex boyfriend. i have depended on him as my saftey and was ok with everything that happend because i thought i was just going to be safe. i know this does not have much to do with recovery or whatever, but after i got his message tongiht, i wanted to relapse so bad. just take some xanex or perocet, anything i could find. i found some tylenol pm so hopefully that will help me sleep without the harsh after-affects.
im not sure how long this will last...both of me waiting for him to make up his mind and me being able to deal with it. i want to just give up and let go forever, but i am so in love and so dependent on this one person as my best friend, i cannot let it go.
i'd like some advice if anyone has any. i guess this has to do with recovery because i am trying so so so so hard to NOT fall into similar situations that I did when i was last hurt.
Thank you Claire for coming and sharing this and I wish you a Merry Christmas .
Theres a lot going on here I have been right where your at, I pushed an pushed to have it go my way tried to control other people, expected to come out the winner and I lost. I pushed her further away and in the end I relapsed but it took that for me to see a few things about myself and things I needed to face about ME, and these were things that weren't working in my recovery.
So we get to view who and what we are and its painful and it feels hopeless and we feel helpless and powerless.
I had to go back to the first step and the unmangeability in my life that was making my life difficult I had to see where i was powerless not just of drugs but life stuff and living stuff, I had to make an inventory and see that the way i was was harmful that I was powerless and there were a few thing i could not change on my own . Just like with my addiction I tried everything to take control and I spiraled downward. I had to get honest about who I was that hurt like hell and I got scared and I felt like I was cornered in my own self made prison, how was I going to get out of this place?
Well I worked the steps, that was the answer.......
Much Love I hope that helped just a little i try not to give advice just share whats worked for me and that is this program, its all set up to help us so grab ahold of what works.
I've also been in the position of ending a relationship in recovery and it's certainly not easy. However, you can go through it clean. Here's how: At least one meeting a day, talk one-to-one with at least one recovering addict each day, and don't pick up no matter what.
I agree with BigV's topics as well: powerlessness and step work.
In your case especially, the first three steps are imperative: 1. You are powerless over the relationship and it is making your life unmanageable. 2. A Higher Power can and will restore you to sanity, so have faith! 3. Based on that faith, you can give your life and your will to your Higher Power for safe-keeping.
Take good care of yourself, Claire. Stay in safe places with safe people, okay?
Hi Claire,, whew,,, felt your feelings,, as truly as I could over cyberspace !! Right on,,, shaing that pain is lessening it. the time to talk to us /another recoverin addict is before and not after using,, the JFt spells i t out real clear= God is the answer as others may be busy,tired,angry etc.. Ive experienced God to be the Forcethatkeepsusclean and Ive come to realize that God is Perfect !! all we need to do is call !! Happy Christmas and warm fuzzies accross cyberspace from a friend in recovery in India== Raman
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
