is it normal? I just miss my girl Chelsea I still cry 1 or 2 times a day my girlfriend had a picture made up for me of chel all framed and pretty she says, before she died and she told we what it is and I can't open it yet.
I have been to 2 concerts lately and at both I hear one certain Christmas song they sing I start ctying and its embarrasing LOL.
I feel like i'm holding on to her still, feeling so much grief I dont know how to let go I guess just keep letting go each time it comes up.
Just need to share that, thanks not a downer just getting it out.
Have a wonderful Christmas everyone gotta go to a party now just family.
hey vini! i'm sorry that you're still suffering from this loss, time heals all though, you know this
i can relate to getting emotional over songs too, i know it's embarrassing for us manly-men with hair on our chests to let songs get the best of our emotions.. but it happens to the best of us, you're not alone hah!
you're deff not a downer, your posts usually boost my mood, but yeah you are sharing what you're dealing with right now, and i like seeing that side of ya too.
Hey I also get emotional at times and end up crying too, what a healing gift it is to cry at times... I really can't imagine what you might be going through in context with Chelsea, Vini, but I do want you to know that I have lost a few close dear friends, still think of them and dream about them too at times. They might have moved on in their journey of creation, but I don't miss them. They are very much alive in my thoughts and memory, in those wonderful, loving endless moments that I share with them. Today, I have decided that I'd rather keep them alive in those great moments that I cherished with them than to miss them with my grief... Yet, there are times when I do think of them and cry, and that only shows how much I love them, so expressing my love by crying is, for me, a healthy expression
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thank you very much Scott its good to see you and yes I'm a real regular old person LOL I used to be something much different much uglier, more stuffed up with hate and anger and bitterness and hopelessness. I was closed off to the world but I always felt weak if I let things out into the light. Today thats changing and sometimes I guess from holding things in for so long , honestly I let myself go and it scares me to let that side open up and flood out.
I still can't quite identify why this is bothering me so much but I think what it is is I had an intimate relationship with Chelsea ( dont get any weird ideas LOL) she new what i was saying to her and i knew exactly what was on her mind, we could read each other. I tried for several years to find out why she was sick and we did finally after 2 years and we got her health back but she just never rebounded all the way back and there real wasn't anything more I or the doctor could do since I was unable to afford what needed to be done. So many times I was going to have her put to sleep and i just couldn't do it so now nature has taken its course and #1 I feel guilty I feel that she may have suffered some before dying #2 If I had put her to sleep before this it may have kept her from whatever suffering she went threw. And #3 I just simply miss her,,,,,,,,,.
Tahir I just can't see it the way you do YET, i'm hoping I can come around to that I suppose i need a little more time and a little more letting go , thank you dear friends.
Thanks for sharing honestly about your feelings. Sometimes it's all just inexplicable, isn't it? When I get like that, I try to just let myself go through the process (or whatever it is) without distractions. I stay focused on the basics of recovery, take good care of myself, and try really really hard to not make anything any worse.
An important lesson I've learned in recovery: Grief is long.
buddy Vin,,last year tis time i had to go thru the loss of my pom-dog male Chinook !! hes been there for nigh on 17 years in my recovery and then hes gone,, kidney problem. the most heart rending thing was to ave to leave him at the SPCA shelter as we couldnt handle his sickness anymore !! that nite as i left hi there i came away with a heavy heart knowing i most probably wouldnt ever see him again !! when next morn they called to say he was gone,, i was choked !! I later did a "PUJA"/prayer rite for his departed soul, i was also ovecome with grief when Ma says :God give my voicless pet souls rest : that was a very poigant moment i recovery and hurt me like hell,,, id been violent with hm wen he was younger and regretted it,,then i had lot of ove for him and he was a great watchdog too,, consoling comes from knowinh his time to move on had come and nothing could have saved him,, the bond was so great that many days later id mistakenly call the other dogs Chinook !!
-- Edited by Raman at 06:28, 2007-12-26
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman I have been calling Samantha Chelsea many times now mistakenly, Samantha was her baby, not birth but samantha thought Chels was her mom trying to nurse from her when she was a kitten ,so I am doing the same thing.
I think now that holidays are over I will get on with this, knowing it was her time to go and let go more fully and as Tahir said not missing her but keeping the memorys open in my mind and smiling at them.
I read once that we addicts are super sensitive people , overly sensitive even I guess that be the case , I know to I can be a whiny cry baby LOL some areas take much maturation and need for growth knowing how to handle emotions is beyond me at times. I had to spiritually grab hold of myself yesterday when I started to shoot off at the mouth uncontrollably, tired and cranky baby started to have a tantrum LOL
yes vin,,, i was off the handle t the same place last evening and this evening too,, made a fool of myself too,, last nite i was abused so i abused,, this nite i thought i was being abused so i abused bak,, well,, im going to practice a suggestion my old sponsor gave me "dont take offence" feeling offended gives me a mistaken notion that its alriight to be angrer than the perosn im angry with,,, forgeting in the meanwhile that im powerless over that perosns madness,, but more importantly im also powerless over anger simply because once indulged in is outa control,, anger has an agenda ll its own !!
Im so sensitive at times that a little practice of ESP may go a long way in shifting the focus to outside of myself !! ge,, i never want to do that again ,,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
There are 4 stages of Grief you are going to go through. Personally if I were you I would take a Greif class at a nearby Church. Usually the largest Church with the most Ministry opportunities will have it. If not Kaiser Hospital, or John Muir or some other Hospital will have it also. You don't have to be a member to attend a class. You just have to pay so much for 6 to 8 weeks for this Bereavement class. I have talked to many A.A.'s N.A.'s that have gone though the class that have commented on hoe much it had helped them get through the lose of there wife, husband, so on. Just the thought of loosing my husband gives me chills. He is my everything here on Earth. Blessed
I'm so glad to be able to read this post today. I live alone with just my 3 dogs and 10 kats. I'm back up on a small mountain and they are so much company. I'm so very thankful for the joy they bring. On Christmas morning I had a blast as they tore open their presents and chased each other over the new toys. As I write this Cotton, my Jack Russel is in my lap, Thunder, a 12 year old Austrialn Shepard is laying at my feet and Tatum, a Spitz is on the front porch guarding all of us. The cats are strays that I've been feeding for about 3 years now. I'm so sad when I think of the ones that came here and left. But I think part of the gift of recovery is that we get to learn to love the critters too. I'll say a prayer for that heavy heart and hope that the memories of her will bring that smile back and you can see her photo with love and remembrance. Bless you and Her.
Wow, it sure does look like you have found a "neverland" Katlady
Thanks for sharing your life with your loved ones and the joy that these loved ones can bring to our life. You sure have a striking commonality with Vini in this context
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
