I always believed,,, even in my worst using days that i had an ability to love and be loved,, that id love to give my heart completely !! I waited for that someone special to appear, but when they did I was not ready !! Simply because in the using days i was terrified of having to give up on drugs !! and also afraid to give up on the aimless,, non committeed way of life I lead ! Then i recovery after the initial year I became willing again,,but when they cae i wasnt ready yet,,yet again a fear overcame me each time a prospective soulmate came along= the terror of being so badly hurt in love that the pain will drive me back to throw recovery an use again ,,, so i held me back,,, but now,,, after many starts and stops and gradually become entirely ready,,, I think im in with a true love,, most of all im not afraid that use again because of love rejection,,, just for today know God will keep me clean and serene no matter what,,, I also truly believe that I love J. with all my heart,, and even if she rejects me for some reason or another later in life,,, that pain is much better that the pain of never having loved her at all,, they say that all people who come into ourlives will cause us pain sooner or later,, we need to decide who is worth the pain of keeping !! That i conclude leads to true love and acceptance !! For me the pain of having loved completely and then lost it is better than the pain of not avin loved at all !!! So i wan to know,,, how dyall feel on this subject of love vs.fear of rejection !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Right on I'd follow my heart inspite of my fears too... I remember when I realized I am in love with my wife before marriage, and there was no relationship experience that I ever had before then, I asked myself two questions, "do I love her?" and "would I want to live with her for the rest of my life?" and when the answer was "yes", I just went ahead and followed my heart. I told myself, "well, if it all lasts only for a day or two, nevetheless, it's worth it all." Recovery for me is to experience life fully and completely, no matter what the consequences are
And moreover when love dawns in one's life, there's not much that one can do about it I guess one is sucked into it... lol... I like what Leonard Cohen sings in one of his songs about this aspect... Let me recollect that line...
I am not the one who loves Its love that seizes me
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thanks for th ex.st.hp Tahir,, well I guess that the Power of Love and the ACt of Loving which add up as the Art of Loving are greater than the individual lovers,, and quoting from the Trads= 'as long as the ties that bind us,,,,,,,,,,,," Vini,, waiting to hear from you,, great to have you guys in my recovery !!God Bless !!!
The love songs I sing in my shows are suddendly more meaningful,,,,Lol !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The love songs I sing in my shows are suddendly more meaningful,,,,Lol !!!
Here here
I was a death metal freak before I was in a relationship, and always had an attitude of intolerance towards the soft and romantic songs... Once love entered my life, I was busy listening and singing along to songs by Leonard Cohen, Celine Dion, Bryan Adams, Air Supply etc... lol... all of these sounded magical and touched me deeply...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
mmmm,, yess,,, i think i identify,, love seems to mellow out even the most hard headed addict,,me icnldd !! good im touching that feeling again,,, after promising myself never to fall in love again after a bad marriage and few aff
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
OMG!!! Brian Adams.... I just picked up an old cassette tape of his at a thrift store, and I play it when I drive my husbands car, which still has a tape player.
Love is very hard. And as an addict I do not like WORK. I am at a stage in my marriage where we either work together on this and move forward, or it will surely not last. This is the beginning of our 4th year together, and things are so haywire right now.
I am hoping to get that 'feeling' again.... it has been awhile, and I have forgotten what it was like to feel warm and fuzzy inside like that.
Love is risky business, that's for sure - and there most certainly are no guarantees. Having said that, I also decided that the risk was worth taking.
I figured early on that the relationship had a path of its own and that it would be harmful if I tried to control or understand it. I practiced my steps, became powerless, turned it over, and let go.
Today I understand that surrender and acceptance are my best friends.
Just as importantly, I've learned to shut up - that I don't need to say every single thing that I think. I've also learned the importance of consistent honest and open communication. Yes, that's right - shut up and talk. It's kind of hard to explain...
other than in music I qualified a lot in business and management !!! One core learning I have is this= 'PROFIT IS THE GRATIFICATION A BUSINESSMAN GETS FOR HIS RISK" Which to me means if theres no risk,, theres no profit,,and too many risks also means loss ! I relate very much this idea= 'TRUE HUMILITY IS A REALISTIC APPRAISAL OF OUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES AND THEN WE BEGIN TO OPERATE FROM OUR STRENGTHS AND IGNORE OUR WEAKNESSES"
STEP 4 was the first time i was asked to list strenghts !! So i will not still feel like a defect ! My sposnor did share that in his experience as well as extensive study he was awrae that many times feelings which we had never truly felt before as well defects that we never thought existed do surface in recovery,, especially in relationships !! Basicaly I need to identify whether its a dark feeling im going thru or is it light !! In fcat after a written Fourth my sponsor suggested to use crayons of different clours to shade different feelings and experiences !! Confusion about thouhgs ,feelings and actions are also a challenge,, they compel me to move out of my comfort zones and get new perspective. Just For Today,,, thru NA I will try to get a better perspective of my life !! God Bless yall who are making the effort,,, and those that share other experiences too.. Now here I go,, looking for a laptop to courier to my lover 10000 miles away,,, a Christmas gift,, Oh God,, what all a freak like me will do !!!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I'd follow my heart inspite of my fears too... I remember when I realized I am in love with my wife before marriage, and there was no relationship experience that I ever had before then, I asked myself two questions, "do I love her?" and "would I want to live with her for the rest of my life?" and when the answer was "yes", I just went ahead and followed my heart. I told myself, "well, if it all lasts only for a day or two, nevetheless, it's worth it all." Recovery for me is to experience life fully and completely, no matter what the consequences are 
