People keep telling me; and I sort of have a sense of it, of what I used to be; apparently i used to be... gregarious, outrageous, fun, funny, dynamic, outgoing, outspoken and bodacious. If the truth be told, they didn't abbandon me when I was drunk and popping pills; they did protect themselves from me. They put up walls. And who wouldn't. As addicts we reek havoc not only in our own lives but in other peoples, so I don't blame them.

I remember listening to a share by another addict who'd been in recovery for 12 years and he said. "If you sat down and told a pyschaitrist everything you've been doing he'd lock you up" - the purpose of his share was to try and convince a group of addicts to commit to treatment.

So in a couple of days I'll be seven months clean and I'm no longer auducious, let alone bodacious. I'm real careful around people. I have a set of clearly defined boundaries. People I used to hang with I no londer hang with. And they are surprised. I don't feel I owe all and sundry answers. It is my life after all. You remember what it was like when we would befriend anyone and tell any Tom, Dick or Harry our most intimate secrets... well we just didn't have any did we? I don't do that shit anymore (pardon my french). And I do believe I've earned the right. And maybe just maybe everybody's going to have to live with the fact that Ms. Bodacious is dead and buried and long gone. And no one is is sadder about it than me and I don't need to be constantly reminded of the fact either. I'm not sure that there's anything you guys can say to this. Maybe I just needed to vent..