ow,ow,ow,,,,,Beth thanks for sharing !!
Im in a situation thats different but maybe we have same feelings=
confusion and sense of lonliness !!
Well its like this=
after my divorce and also during my seperation i had a great relationship with a woman that helped me and I was able to help her too,,, we met many needs thru each other,, but it was always clandestine !!
That relationship wasnt coming out i the open cause she was a married woman,but deserted by her husband and the faith she belongs to dosent allow divorce !!
She was there all these years till I began feeling its a dead end,, tho I asked her to get a divorce she couldnt !
So i began to think of letting her go and be a loner again,,, no problem.
In the meanwhile by chance i meet someone on th net,,, shes many thousands of miles away !
But the connection is strong,,,
SO i tell my first gf that this is it,, she still calls,,, but im avoiding as Ive promised my new gf complete fidelty
( a principle ive always followed,,, even in my worst days of marriage)
she(my new gf J) was the one that proposed a relationship with me and i gladly agreed,, shes an angel !!
We chat many nites a week,,, then one evening she tells me about her sickness and how shes doubtful about her and me,, I console her and shes back on great terms with me.
However she was to visit me in Xmas but because of prior commitment cannot,, then I was to goto England in January but that dosent seem a great idea considering its very cold,etc,etc,etc..
Ive been able to reassure her about us and shes responding positively about that but what next ??
Thats the big question ,,,
"Whats next?",, all i cn say is
"God knows"...
Theres joy and pain,, frustration and pleasure,,madness and sanity as well as confusion and clarity !!
So now going thru all that once again Im inspired to follow a certain Principle found in the Basic Text Step section which reads
""""IF IT ISNT PRACTICAL IT ISNT SPIRITUAL"'''''
and also something my previous sponsor taught me to ask myself
"IS IT DARK OR IS IT LIGHT?"
and ive also talked to my dauhter,ma,NA friends,others concerned for my welfare and sponsor and also to God as i Understand(#d Step Prayer)
finally I believe that in my heart lies an answer,,, to seek that and understand it i need my ego and base desire to get out of the way so I can see clearly the TRUTH<<<
God Bless you in your recovery ,,, may the Goddess of Love and Light grant you the TRUE love you seek and the Gods of recovery keep you in !!
The Steps are the solution !!
WQriting,Praying ,sharing and Meditating have shown me Im complete as it is,, howver a soul mate facilitates the realization and appreciation of that fact of completeness !!

powerless,
I have to agree with Tahir. Know this: that no matter what happens with this relationship, there will be some lessons learned either way.

That said, I am worried about the potentiality of your shying away from the rooms of NA because of this, and your feelings of inferiority or being judged. That would not be a good thing, so please stay in the meetings, no matter what.

I have had this experience myself. Although I was not married yet at the time, I was dating a man who was married in the program a few years ago. He was telling everyone in the rooms that he was getting a divorce, including me. He would come over to my apartment for the weekends and we would do program stuff together all weekend. His wife was not an addict, and they lived about 40 miles away.

Long story short, I discovered after a time that I was just not happy with the relationship. I discovered this on my own. The things I thought I liked about him were outweighed by the strong sense I had that I deserved better. I began to feel real good about myself when I let the relationship go. Incidentally, I found out after the fact that he had began using again since a few weeks after we got together. I truly had NO CLUE. And he never did get that divorce. I had to later wonder what kind of 'fuel' I may have provided for him to start using again. I made amends to him. And that was that. And I learned a lot. (Incidentally, years later, I am now married to a non-addict who is the most accepting and understanding non-addict you could ever meet.)

Your situation may be completely different than mine. I wish you the best, and I absolutely do NOT judge you at all. Not one iota. You have just got to walk your way through this clean and see what happens down the road.

From your statements it sounds as if YOU do not feel 100% "good" about yourself, which is far worse than anyone else's criticism, sponsor or otherwise. You just have to write about it, and try to find out what you really need for yourself. Keep asking your HP for guidance.

If you ever need anything, please feel free to email me at jonibaloni@neo.rr.com. Sometimes it is nice to have someone who is neutral to talk to, but who also may have some insight.

((((hugs))))
Joni

Sponsors are not saints, they are people to recovering the same as us, they have issues  keep that in mind Beth.

I think everyone covered this pretty well I am with a woman who is still married but separated and i have questioned myself about this this is the 3rd one in a row I have been with that was still married legally thats going threw divorce. I do wonder " whats up with that vini, are you just a rebound? but like someone  said we can get something out of these relationships that we learn about ourselves and grow.