Pain

Scott · Senior Member

Pain

BigV · Senior Member

Stop using Scott the pain will pass.

BigV · Senior Member

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tc26IzNFySo

LISTEN TO THE LYRICS Scottt take our hands bruther........

Love you Bro

-- Edited by BigV at 10:24, 2007-11-17

BigV · Senior Member

GOD I relate to this one LOL freaken ANIMALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT-f6HBny44&feature=related

Three Days Grace Animal I Have Become Lyrics

Animal I Have Become Lyrics

I cant escape this hell,
So many times Ive tried,
But Im still caged inside,
Somebody get me through this nightmare, NA NA NA NA NA NA CAN!!!!!!!!
I cant control myself

So what if you can see,
The darker side of me,
No one will ever change this animal I have become
and we believe,
Its not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal.)

I cant escape myself,
So many times Ive lied,
But theres still rage inside.
Somebody get me through this nightmare,
I cant control myself

So what if you can see,
The darker side of me,
No one will ever change this animal I have become
[Animal I Have Become lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

help me believe,
Its not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

And we believe
Its not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!

Somebody help me through this nightmare,
I cant control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare,
I cant escape this hell
(This Animal! x7)

So what if you can see,
The darker side of me,
No one will ever change This animal I have become
and we believe,
Its not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
and we believe,
Its not the real me,
Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal I have become

-- Edited by BigV at 10:31, 2007-11-17

-- Edited by BigV at 10:33, 2007-11-17

cledus · Veteran Member

If we choose to use 'Pain Medication' for any reason other than they were or in any way they were not prescribed to be used, then we Relapse and have used drugs to feed our addiction.

We do not relapse by accident.

cledus

Scott · Senior Member

I just took 5 of them, and i'm fucked up, but i can't even enjoy it, i feel like complete shit and depressed, why can't i fucking stop taking them!?! oh god.. i've tried to flush them like 3 times now.. my sponser is coming over soon to help me out, but i'm going back to chicago for thanksgiving this weekend, and i'm so fucking afraid i'm gonna shoot up when i'm there you know being in this mind frame, i'm so fucking nervous and freaked out and and already setting myself up for this self-fulfilling prophecy.. i thought after i got a month i wouldn't fall into shit like this as easily and throw in the towel.. what is wrong with me?! i'm acting as if i don't even want to be clean anymore.. i'm really sorry you guys, i dunno maybe i wasn't ready to be clean? or meant to be clean? i dunno what to do, sorry for all this doom and gloom talk, it's the drugs talking, how could it fuck up everything i worked for in a matter of 1 day?! jesus christ.. i might not be around for a little while.. if i don't talk to you guys then take care..

love, scott

cledus · Veteran Member

Scott? Do you have reservations about the NA Program? Normally that's what leads us to relapse. We have to want and believe that NA works but it won't work by itself. The program is set up to act as a tool or a guide but if we are not willing to put the work into it or actually use the tools provided we will be doomed for failure. Any addict can become clean and find freedom from active addiction. There's no use beating yourself up Scott. I don't know why I used for 32 years either but I can tell you honestly I too wanted to stop everytime I used like you. For me it was a matter of being completely beat and willing to do whatever it took. I had to surrender to the fact I could not do it alone and put my faith in the NA program and those members that have found the freedom I so much wanted for myself. I also had to surrender to the fact that I could never use or abuse drugs of any kind again. As far as medication went I had to be completely honest with my physician about my addiction and if I needed meds see if there was an alternative to mind or mood altering meds. My way got me addicted the NA Way got me clean and free.

All is not lost Scott. Stay willing and keep coming back my friend.

-- Edited by cledus at 12:35, 2007-11-17

Tahir · Member

Scott, nothing is as devastating and disastrous as it seems to some of us at times. The situation, of itself, that you are taking this pain medication or you're gonna go to Chicago for thanksgiving is not as big a problem as you might tend to believe it is by blowing it out of proportion. That is a very typical and common way in which our disease subtly works on us towards using. Don't build on these thoughts. Don't dwell in them. Let them be. Good that your Sponsor's coming down to be of help to you. Make the most of him. Share your heart out. Be open to what he shares with you and willing to try out his suggestions. Remember Scott, nothing is too difficult or impossible a situation that we have to use over it. With the help of the tools that we have been blessed with through this program, WE CAN stay clean through come hell or high water Just For Today.

You don't have to be sorry for us. We all can relate, we've been through what you're going through. It's quite normal to go through in the early process of recovery. There's nothing unique about it. Pain shared is pain lessened. An obsession to use loses the power it holds on us when we share it with others in NA. You are doing the right thing. Keep the faith.

While using, we never gave up when we could not get our drug of choice or when we did not have money to use. We were capable of using, no matter what, every single day of our active addiction. Today, this same trait can be a great asset to us. Don't give up on staying clean no matter what. WE DO RECOVER.

Prayers and Hugs, Tahir.

Kenh · Senior Member

Hi Scott, I agree with Tahir. Looking from the outside your problems are very minor and can be easily overcome by sticking with the NA guidelines and working with us. If you look at your notes in a week, you will also see that your problems are not really so bad. I hope that you stay on track, you are a smart decent person and you don't deserve to live an addicts life.

Medication - I had a fairly major surgery. I told the doctor flat out that I am a garbage can addict and asked for help. The doctor was very good about this and would not give me a prescription, if I needed pain relief I would have to go to the clinic or my wife would get a single dose prescription.

Hope some of this helps. Stay with us Scott

kenh

BigV · Senior Member

Keep sharing Scott don't be runnin off, sept at the mouth talk about whats happening.

We do what we don't want to do because we want to do it but its something that hurts us , this is insanity I know I've been there and for a long time, this makes me did down inside and ask HOW DID IT WORK FOR ME I have a helper I use and he's realpsed at least 5 times in the last 6 months he keeps coming back and trying, gets it and loss's it just can't figure it out.

It sometimes takes some of us a long time and a lot of pain to get entirely to the point where we give up, not give up trying but give up on using.........once there the program begins working and us along with it.

Keep coming back Scott don't run or hide we need you here love you Scott

NA_ROCKS · Senior Member

Hugs Scott....Don't give up the fight!!! Cuz it's a fight.....for your life my friend. This is why I don't pick up, exactly what you are going through. Do you think one would be enough for me? Hell no!! And that's why we are addicts; one is too many and a thousand never enough.

I have turned down medication just for this reason, I know ME today. Sorry to hear you're having problems with it but we are here for you.....we know what you're going through.....we've all been there ourselves. Some of us more than once, my friend.

A person can sure see how utterly insane we get when we use after being clean for awhile eh? I know I did. And even when I thought I would never be able to stop again after I lapsed, relapsed, whatever the heck it is......it's using.....but I was able to stop. You all gave me the courage to keep on trying when I failed, to pick myself up, dust myself off.....and get right back to it!!!

Who of us is perfect in this program? Not I.

Love you brother.....Just DO IT!! Stop using :) I will pray for ya.......Hugs and Love, Glora

JasonD · Senior Member

I am proud of you Scott. Even if you have to pick up a white key tag(thats between your hp, your sponsor and you), you are using the tools and I am sure you will walk through it. Just a month or two ago, things would have been much worse by now. It is critical to have complete trust in your sponsor. Do as he says and be completely honest. If you don't, the lessons you learn may be much tougher.

Scott · Senior Member

Sorry for my small meltdown you guys, my sponser came over and took me to the best meeting i've ever been to, i met a ton of cool people, and got invited to have dinner and watch the pats game tonight at sum guys house, god im so insane you guys, and when you add drugs to it, it makes me crazy and ready to jump off a cliff, anyway i think i'm going to be okay, much love, talk to you guys later

Tahir · Member

So glad to hear that, Scott, you rock!

Kenh · Senior Member

Hey Scott, that was a mini melt down. Sounds like you are getting yourself straightened out. Glad that you have a good sponsor and made it back home to NA. Keep coming back Scott. We need you with us.

kenh

BigV · Senior Member

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. "
Theodore Roosevelt

tduchess · Member

I can relate to where you were coming from, Scott.. I had quite a few yrs clean, and scratched my cornea really badly. The pain was so bad, I had to wear sunglasses indoors. My doctor knows I can't use mood altering chemicals, but in this particular case, I had to. And felt terrible doing so. I took them as prescribed but to be honest, the temptation to abuse them was there. When I first got clean, however, the most I ever used was Ibuprofen. Even now, I have arthritis. And I am on Celebrex. I am extremely honest with any medical professional. The fear of becoming addicted is just too much pain to bear, for me. I gained way too much in recovery to not be vigilant in this way... Keep coming back sugar, and share. No one said we had to like the things we go through. But sharing them makes them seem much better than letting that garbage can overflow.. Sometimes it really is just a minute or second at a time..

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