something really messed up happened last night. i was walking home through sort of the side of my townhouse complex and next one of the A/C units there was this 2 liter bottle of vodka with maybe 3 big fingers full of vodka left in it (probably abandoned by some of the neighborhood kids). and i mean, i called a couple people and told them what happened right at that moment, like its been somehow engrained in me which is a good thing i guess. and they both told me to dump it out and i said i would but something really strange happened. i didn't want to. i didn't want to drink it but i didn't really want to pour it out either. and i just stared at it for a bit. and then i finally poured it out, after smelling it (real insanity right there) and it all freaked me out. and i guess it goes to show that i'm still really, really, really sick and thats really sort of humbling and scary. but yeah, thanks, i just felt like sharing.
Yeah, sometimes even now when I'm walking down through a particular locality here in my town, there's a whiff of Marijuana smell in the air as people sit their at the nearby park and smoke it. At times, I've found myself inhaling my breath deeply and enjoying that old familiar smell... lol... That's when I'm certain beyond doubt that I'm still an addict and I will be an addict no matter how long I stay clean and work the program. I can never get cured just like my mom can never get cured of her diabetes... a daily reprieve is all I can get by staying clean and working the program... I'm but just a sip or drag or fix or snort away from landing in the gutter again
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Good share. I don't think I could have dumped it out either. I think of some poor addict that stashed it and was maybe coming back for it to slow down his craving for his/her drug of choice. If it was missing, it would be a devestating day for them.
kenh
__________________
God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
