A wise addict shared with several of us this story one day in a meeting.  It provides a test by which we may all learn....It's called the Triple Filter Test.

Next time someone starts to spread gossip, think of this:

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

So Crates Rocks :)

Hey Vini!!  What's up with Brit? 

Thanks for that awesome Socrates anecdote on gossip Glora, and as for Brit, poor girl, still a long way to go I guess, hope she makes it to recovery...

And yes, now the hottest gossip - I put on a big pouch lately (can't bend down to wear my socks and shoes anymore) hogging all the delicacies that my mom and wifey have been
cooking and dishing out to me lately... I'm one spoilt brat right now, I guess long way to go before I come face-to-face with my powerlessness over "overeating"... lol...

Way to go, Vini, glad I'm not alone... lol... together we can be good 'overeating friends', just like using friends

P.S. shared denial with another addict sometimes makes it easy to act out on our obsessive-compulsive tendencies, aint it? lol...

I try to understand others and keep myself in check from gossip, if i'm putting someone down i'm probably putting myself down also ( that'll stop me ), birds of a feather.....

Some more great reasons for gossip;

Hide a character defects.

Lack of useful tasks to be done

Low self esteem.

To demean other people.

Laziness (No effort to make oneself better) it is easier to gossip about another in an attempt make oneself look better.

Hugs on that Blithe !!!!
Brings to mind the three "no" can dos=
1.Speak no evil
2.Hear no evil
3.See no evil
I beileve understanding to be the key to my Serenity lode=
I accept that many of are and will stay M.I.C.A,,,
mentally ill chemically addicted !!!
However the therupatic value of one addict helping another is without parallel,,,
and many times in my recovery,,
ive seen the many, no matter how far gone they may have been(including me  !!!)
totally exclude gossip as an alternate way in recovery and of avoiding the Steps !!!
the Steps are the solution !!!
Exactly what the Seventh took care of !!!
Im still not perfect but whale a lot better than I was even five years ago !!

I want to add that I wasn't always the fabulous hardass I am today. I gossiped early in my recovery like so many do. I didn't understand how hurtful it could be until the day I became the subject of so much gossip. It was incredibly hurtful to me and cured me forever of that behavior.

Mostly, I have found that whenever one gossips about another, it is because they are dissatisfied with some part of themselves. They feel so inadequate and suffer from low or lack of self-steem that they are forced to put someone down so that they get to feel better about themselves. So when I gossip about someone, it tells more about my state of being than that of the one I gossip about

Gossip as it is perceived in NA is a dark hunger in us that is fed by the thought that we can only feel good about ourselves by making someone else look bad in comparison.

But I have found through my personal experience that the kind of self-esteem that can be purchased on another's cost is definitely not worth it. The way to build our self-esteem is not by tearing others down, indulging in a character-assassination. I've found that the right way to build self-esteem is actually the opposite - to try to understand and accept another's being as they are, and to still appreciate what and how they contribute to my recovery and life. That way, I build, not destroy. Living this way of life is, just like Blithe shared, is not so easy and it comes after a long period of committing this mistake (just like I used for 15 years before staying stopped, but I was able to stop eventually).

Yes, I have come to personally know some members over the years from all over the world whose recovery doesn't have space for gossip (my Sponsor being a most prominent example and a role model for me here). I've personally been able to stay away from gossipping and from getting affected from gossips, just like I would from using, when I simply accept the way things are, the way we all are, and continue to live the principles that the 12 steps offer. The more secure I am with my personal program, with the decisions I make and the guidance I receive from my loving Higher Power, the less I'm inclined to gossip or lesser the opinion of others affect me. Not to say that I don't get disturbed either by my own tendency to be part of gossip or by the gossip of others against me, but it only lasts a few seconds or minutes, this disturbance within me. With the help of staying grounded in the security of this program, I'm quick to eliminate this disturbance and respond, not react. I've come to understand that this NA program is not about seeking perfection. It's about progress, growth, it's about allowing a loving Higher Power to free us from the insanity of repeating the same mistakes over and over again (just like we are freed from going back to using)... With the help of this divine spiritual program, we don't have to necessarily become saints, but then, saints are mortal human beings, just like us, and only their practice of spiritual principles made us perceive them as saints and place them on a pedestal. For me, all saints prove only one thing. That it is possible for humankind to grow spiritually by working around his/her defects of character. And today, the 12 step programs make this possibility even more available and accessible for those who have reached a point of stagnation in their attempts to gain control with the use of their defects of character, like we addicts We have been to hell already, and have realized that hell is not a place where we can live anymore. Thus, when we knocked the doors of the fellowship, we were given the 12 steps. What a gift it has been for a spiritual being like me who is learning to live as a human being with their help

well all said and done,,,
I believe that the only way to self esteem,, which sense of self worth stops gossip, is to DO ESTEEMABLE ACTS !!!

Hugs bro buddy !!!

not necessarily from friends as such, but yes, I have seen it right clearly on their face on occasions, and few of them who are very close friends of mine today have been honest enough to admit so with me later on in our relationship while making amends with me...

Nothing wrong with that, envy is natural, it's a human condition. And for an addict like me, it's one of my defects that does threaten to have the better of me at times, and it can come in between a good relationship, even in a close and intimate one at that, due to possessiveness. I've also observed while growing up in NA that a few members do get disturbed initially by the fact that a newcomer is no more a newcomer seeking their guidance as he/she has grown up now by working the program, and especially when they feel that the comparatively newer members have outgrown them.

Most glaringly, I see it happening many times at the cafe where members try hard to come to terms that one of them has suddenly found material success and lives in comfort and luxury, as Raman shared. But that's no big deal. That's how societies and communities, be it NA or outside function, and I'm not exempt from it too. Just that being an addict, envy can cause havoc in my personal recovery if I don't acknowledge that I have indeed been envious in a particular situation or over a person, own my feelings of envy and remove/transform it with the help of my sixth and seventh steps.

Envy occurs between siblings, even in a married couple, everywhere... My first Sponsor used to tell me that envy erupts within us due to comparison (the most damaging thing to do) and lack of faith in a Higher Power that one can also achieve what the other has achieved.

I have a childhood, using and recovering friend in NA who always saw what I had, regretted that he didn't have it, and was shocked by his own admission that he was overwhelmed by envy in my context, someone who loves dearly and would do anything for.He had so many other qualities and natural talent that I could never possibly have. He failed to see all that all those years we spent together. Today, with the help of the program, he has instead opened up to what he has, tapped into those qualities and skills, and believe me, even outshown me in some of the areas where he thought I was more good at But just because he felt envious about his best friend doesn't mean he is not a good man. For me, I cannot escape an occasional feeling of envy over something or someone (being human and an addict on top of that), and the only way I can work the program and remove this kind of a negative energy is when I admit that I'm envious, own and embrace my envy. I can only change what I acknowledge and own. If I deny that I'm envious like I did before my first Fourth Step, I cannot do a thing about me. I'd be overwhelmed by this defect of mine instead.

I feel this is exactly why steps 4-9 are so very important. Before I work this steps on a particular situation, I completely feel that I was not on the wrong at all. But when I dig deeper, even in situations where I feel others have wronged me, I come to realize that I was on the wrong too, but was just not able to see it without the help of these steps and a Sponsor

Yeah, I agree with you. When I work the program and am involved in more important issues of my own recovery, I don't have time and space enough to take this negativity of others to mind and heart. Even if I did, I don't usually fret and frown about this negativity, instead look at it as a necessary unpleasant-good for anyone, before the dawn of wisdom brings serenity into their lives.

Yeah, I've observed a lot of DON'TS preached in the fellowship too, like don't get into a relationship or don't go to work so soon or don't take up studies too soon etc. Even though the intent of such advice is concern, it only shows the state of mind of the one who advices such things and the way they perceive life and recovery, more than anything to do with whom the advice is given to.

I have no DON'TS as such, neither do I have DOs to 'advice'. I only share my experiences if I can relate (by which I mean if I have a similar experience and how I have dealt with such a situation with the help of the program). If I can't relate, I just say I don't know and ask the other to reach out to some other member who have had a similar experience. For me, it's important to remember that I'm not a Professional Counselor or Therapist or a Legal Expert in NA, that I don't have to pretend to be one. I'm a recovering addict who has found a way to apply the spiritual principles of NA in all areas of my life to my best capacity, and that is all I have to give, to share with others. I share this information, and then leave it to the other to decide if they want to make use of it in their personal situation or not. The Choice is theirs. That's what it means for me, when we in NA say, "My Gratitude Speaks when I Share and when I care with others the NA WAY."

And yes, avoiding life on life's terms cannot be a solution in recovery. One has to experience life in it's fullness in recovery, be it falling in love, or taking up a job, or joining school again, and all the changes that these factors bring into recovery. For me, NA is exactly 'how we face these challenges of life with the help of a 12-step program', not how we avoid or run away from these challenges. Staying clean does bring in some clariy as compared to our confused minds while using, but no matter how long one stays clean, still one has to work the program to be able to deal with relationships, work, career pursuits, finances, health & illness etc. The power to deal with all this doesn't come just because I've been clean long enough. We get this Power when we work the steps, irrespective of the fact whether we are 6 months clean or 6 years clean...