Hello all, I've been on here for a while, reading posts, going to the meetings. I've been an on-and-off (mostly on frankly) opiate addict for about three years now. I want to stop. I'm ready to really comit to something. After telling my boyfriend (whom does not tollerate my using) frequently that i had a problem and had to stop, i came clean last night. I told him that over the weekend when i went home because of a big fight we got in and just my own personal frustraition that i did use that weekend. He is very very angry with me, its hard because you want someone to help you, not lecture you or make you feel like a little child after getting into trouble with her parents.
I go to counseling at the University i am attending. I was suggested by my counselor to go to an out-paitent rehab facility. I was hoping to just wheen myself off and finally make it to meetings in a near by urban town. I'm just scared to take this big step. my family cannot know about any of this, so I will have to figure out my own way to pay and hopefully i will be able to find a study to recieve free treatment, (which would be PERFECT). I'm ready to go and do this. I"m just so scared. I understand that at this point there is a chance that I will loose my boyfriend, which would be such a shame because I have used him as such a big support system with staying clean.
alittle background i suppose... i became addicted to opiates after various years of drug use. i had to recieve pain medication for a shoulder issue three years ago. I fell inlove with the substance and after having a major operation on my shoulder i was over perscribed and continued to use for about a year and a half straight. i smoked opium in this time period and fell even more in love with the substance. i was good for a little while after telling my family and after they decided not to help me and assumed because i was out of medication that i would stop. i entered my frist year of college and just was content with smoking and drinking. i was clean for 8 months (woo!) but then relapsed for a week and then i recently had ANOTHER shoulder operation from this last summer and was equally perscribed medication. I am in the last stages of Physical therapy in the sense where i need the pain medication. i've been horrible with it. ive been bingeing whenever i can get the free few hours. i just dont want this any more.
i think i had to admit to my boyfriend i was using to really get out of it. any advice? words of wisdom? support (god do i need that..)? Rehab is just such a scary word. I'm not sure if i can handle this...
Welcome! Thanks for sharing a little bit about yourself. For me, I find meetings and sponsorship to be extremely helpful for my recovery. Internally, I try to maintain a lot of willingness and open-mindedness: willingness to take suggestions and the open-mindedness to try something different. After all, my way of doing things most certainly DoES NOT WoRK. It got me no where but back to the same place over and over again. I need to find another way.
As for rehab, it was a very positive experience for me. I learned a lot about addiction, recovery, and myself.
Perhaps it is time to take a suggestion even it scares you. It doesn't seem like your way is working any better than mine did.
Thanks Claire,,, your sharing of your life situation was so lucid I could connect at once !! Basically i was an opiate man too,,,loved the stuf,, brown sugar,opium and morphine !! then the ugly side in the form of withdrawls,scarcity,dishonesty took over and i wanted out but couldnt. No matter what i did addiction always resurfaced till in NA i was introduced to the 12 Step way of life !! the first thing i learnt,,
addiction is a dis-ease,,,( note Dis-EASE)(not at ease is what addiction is !!!) family and friends need to know this ! its not a moral issue nor are we mad,bad,sad people !! I for one thought i could enjoy life better with drugs,, Well all said and done,, i never want to use again, no matter what,, just for today !! May the Forcethatkeepsuscleanandserene grant you your desire !! Keep coming back !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
