I'm not going to say "this time i'm going to stay clean for good" or anything like that, i mean, that is what i want, but i'm only going to worry about the day i'm living in, i was going to pick up a journal tomorrow, so i can sort through my emotions, and make lists of things to get done that day, to help with my procrastination and lack of motivation.
I also am going to go to a meeting. I hate being asked "do you really want to quit", but this whole time, if i didn't have the desire to stop, i wouldn't be here, no one is forcing me to try to stay clean, my parents can't do it for me this time, it's all me, i want this for myself, and now i want it more than ever, after almost loseing my friend, no more half-hearted attempts, i'm going to show how much i want it, by how much effort i put into it. it's going to take me outside my comfort zone, but staying in my comfort zone hasn't helped me stay clean.
And besides, when am i ever going to be lucky enough again to have a clean date that is the 1st of a month? .. kidding.. but really i won't forget my clean date as easily..
Much love to you guys, thanks for putting up with me, i'm sure i've caused your guys' heads to shake at least a few times..
my friend, i have tears, for you, for me, for the addicts that suffer in and out of the program.
we are not bad people, we are sick people trying to get better, and we do get better.
i to learned to never say never.
when i heard the concept of mindful moments, living in the now, takes just for today to a whole new level.
i thought...holy crap... i live everywhere but here, now.. constantly in the past or the future. one foot in the past, one in the future, leaves me pissin' on today.
today is a gift
when i think of the addict who is not fortunate enough to make it here, the one that actively stays in suffering and misery,...and the one who doesn't know anything about the gifts of recovery, and the one...who dies...
how fortunate and blessed are we???
today ,Scott, is the 1st day of the rest of your life, welcome :).. as is tomorrow.. everyday is the 1st day of the rest of your life,
Scott - Missed you at the meeting. Had to work. Glad to hear you went to another meeting. This is how we do it. One day at a time! Drop me an email hagize ( @ ) yahoo.com
Scott my head would shake off my neck if I thought about all the things I did in the years finally getting here.....i left one helluva a wake of disasters and failures but we have to keep trying, I gave up many times but it wasn't for good i kept trying ONE LAST TIME ONE LAST TIME>>>>>>>>>>>>>..................
