hello all......i just wanted to say hello.....i am a 50-yr old mother of three, Midwest resident for 20 yrs, Texan born and raised...we have beautiful children, Joseph, 18, a freshman at school in Iowa, Kyle, 15 yr old soph. in high school and my "pearl of great price," Hannah Joy, 11. i was on bedrest for 5 months waiting for her birth.....
i have had a lot of surgery over the last 13 yrs, which is where my narcotic pain killer addiction started, i abused alcohol starting when our 18 yr old was about 2....my husband traveled a lot, i was in Minnesota pretty much alone, but that's all just an excuse, i know....
then, my mama died suddenly 13 yrs ago in Texas and everything fell apart for me..it just felt better being "blurry" to life.....
i have gone through rehab twice, but now just have quit again on my own. i've been a patient at a pain clinic for 8 months, but figured that was just an excuse, too, to use....my pain is bad, but it's not unbearable. i am trying to find other ways to deal with it now...
it's hard, these first few weeks of not using. i'd been really tapering off, then tonight gave the rest of my meds to my husband to get rid of for me..man, was that hard, a bottle of about 120 Vicodin probably gone down the tube...and the oxycotin, i'd just started that, too....
i feel really horrible right now, all of the symptoms i remember so "well." nausea, bathroom "problems," sweating....it's horrible....
and, two weeks ago i passed out and crashed into the wall in our dining room, the EMS had to take me to the hospital, tomorrow i have an MRI to go through...i didn't tell the drs. in the ER about my addictions, they gave me a 'script for a few more Vicodin...i think, too, there are a few "hidden" around the house....
isn't it funny, i've been counting down the days til my favorite singer, Steve Earle, has his new CD out, that should be tomorrow....one of his songs is "Oxycotin Blues." i seem to gravitate to recovering addicts...
i am looking for another NA meeting to start attending in the Minneapolis area now....
University of Iowa? i have a lot of friends that are freshmen there this year, in Lincoln, anyways.. glad you are here, i deff know the withdrawal that comes from opiates all too well, i hope you stay well
Hi Joanna, and welcome. You've been through a lot and here you are beginning your new life clean and soon-to-be serene.
Some things that helped me in the beginning:
1. Make as many meetings as possible no matter how I felt.
2. Read the literature. It gave me something to think about.
3. Get a sponsor and a homegroup as soon as possible.
4. Surrender. Surrender to the fact that I'm not going back. I am on this path of recovery. Period.
5. Acceptance. I'm just not at my best every single day. That's doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It's just the way it is.
6. Patience. Recovery takes time.
7. Don't use a drink or a drug NO MATTER WHAT.
I came into recovery about six months after a very serious car accident. Although I had spent months in the hospital and had had numerous surgeries, I was still quite sick and in a lot of pain.
The first twelve years of my recovery included a tremendous amount of physical pain and numerous hospitalizations and surgeries. Although I had a couple of close calls, I did not need to abuse a substance and I learned a lot. I learned to pay attention to all the little thoughts that go through my mind and to share every single one of them with another recovering addict. I learned that I am responsible for my recovery. I learned to stay connected and how to prepare myself for pain, surgery, medication, etc.
It's not to say that it was an easy time. It was not. But it was my path to follow.
I went to many doctors looking for help and a way to relieve my pain. For twelve years there was no help for me. Suddenly one day a woman I hardly knew telephoned me and said, Blithe Spirit, I have met a doctor I think you should see. I think he can help you.
I went to see that doctor and he did help me. The funny thing is that at first I missed my pain! It had become my friend. However, it has now been around ten years that I have been pain free and I am grateful for my journey and all that it has taught me.
you have found a great place for experience, strength and hope, please keep coming back!! my name is Wendy and i am a grateful addict in recovery.
i have 2 daughters, Amy is 18 and Rylee is 13. i remember oh so well the first weeks of recovery, one of the hardest things i have ever attempted, even harder was throwing my recovery away and going back. the Great thing today is i have a choice, i don't have to do day 1 again if i choose not to pick up the first one.
God willing i will have 9 months clean this friday :)
hope to hear more from you, again, WELCOME hugs in recovery Wendy
Welcome Joanna, I too remember oh so well the withdrawals from opiates. When my withdrawal symptons started I always saw them as some sort of horrible old friend, way too familiar. I'm glad your here and that you were strong enough to take the step and give your husband the rest of your pills. I know that must have been hard as hell. Keep posting and let us know how your doing. Just remember this too shall pass. The day you wake up and realize your body doesn't need opiates anymore just to function correctly is such a wonderful feeling. Hang in there girl, believe it or not, it does get better. (((hugs))) (Texas born and raised here too )
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
hey juniper, our son goes to Iowa State in Ames...i think he's doing real well so far, better than his mama is at this point....
i slipped the last couple of days and used Vicodin, had a few left in the bottom of a drawer...the arthritis in my knees gets so bad sometimes that nothing else works, then i kick myself all day for doing that....so, it seems back to square one and i am still not 100% through detoxing......again......
i got the new Steve Earle CD yesterday, he is my favorite and, surprise surprise, another recovering addict......i've loved his music for years, seen him twice down through the ages, he has me beat at age 52 by two years.....so, it's kind of like following the life of someone in my own generation, i guess he's done better than i have though.....well, maybe not.....i haven't used heroin, or done time...but maybe only by the Grace of God anyway....
you hang in there, too....i'm starting back next week to the NA meetings.....don't really want to...but....you know the story.....
oh, thank you for your note on the board...it's been a horrible day....i did use again today, found a few pills that i thought i had thrown out.....now, i am scared to death to be totally without.....
i had made some progress with the withdrawal, but knew this morning, when i woke up nauseated and sweating that the worst wasn't really over....i hate to go to sleep now and wake up to it all again.....
but, i will....
there is a show on HBO i really like, even though we can't afford HBO, called "Wired." one of the main character is a singer i've loved for years, his name is Steve Earle and he's a recovering addict, too....in one of the episodes i was able to see, he was at a meeting and talking and said something to the effect of , " i know i can use again, i just know i can't go through another recovery." that's about how i feel now. i've been through rehab twice, just do not want to get back into that sort of program again, but i know i need the meetings and i need someone to talk to, my blessed husband, a sweetheart that he is, just does not "get it." and i don't expect him to anyway...he's maybe taken 3 aspirin in his life, his addiction is going to Bally's for an hour every morning of the week, something i need to do....
i get to a point where i don't want to leave the house, just stay inside and wait out not being sick.....i can't just go to bed and sleep, i still have two children at home who need me and i guess a husband who needs me sometimes, too (although, God love him, he's about given up on sex, i guess.......)
thank you for being there.....it really means just so much to me.....
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