The desire to use hit me today. It snuck up on be because it has been gone a while. I am out of town. I spoke at a professional coference today and I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke. After I got started with my presentation, I got more cormfortable. I did good.. some might say great. It was a huge milestone for me because last year at this very conference I hit bottom sitting up in the hotel room trying to kill myself with dope. 3-6 months ago my anxiety levels made me run as soon as someone I didn't know said Hi.
So as insidious as my disease is, it snuck up on me at what should have been a great time. I was all justifing that it should be time to celebrate. That it doesn't count if you are in a different state. etc etc.
My cell phone was dead so I did call not anyone. Was this the disease thinking ahead?
I went looking for a friend of mine that I new would be going to the reception. I could not find him. ty HP.
I took off on the streets of downtown Denver "to get something to eat" but I think I had other plans. I was about to go to a restaurant that serves "drugs" but there was a cab right there. I said are "are you on duty". He said "Yes". I said "Please take me to my hotel". ty HP
I know there are a lot of things I should have done differently like not going to the conference until next year but I made it just for today. Now I have the oppurtunity to use the tools tomorrow. I know what is at the bottom of that bottle for me. A bag full of misery.
Wow, Jason. That's quite an adventure you had. I'm glad you made it through safely. You're living life on life's terms and even though it's not particularly easy or pretty, you're doing it clean. I say: Hurray for you!
I'm happy you got yourself out of that situation, i've only been out of Denver for a few days, but yeah, i screwed myself over "going for a walk downtown" when i relapsed the second time
