I can relate, i act really impusively on my emotions, and it never helps anything to get better, but if you can catch yourself right before the impulsive action then there is something that i've learned to do that might help, but it is really hard to catch yourself before that impulsive action, really hard, at least for me. But if i can catch myself when i get caught up in a blind rage, or really depressed, or whatever, i do this breathing technique that works amazingly. you start by taking a breath through your nose slowly counting to 8, making sure you fill your lungs completely, then you exhale out of your mouth counting to 4, making sure you exhale all the air out of your lungs completely, and then inhale counting to 8, and out 4, and you repeat the process, and you can work your way up to 10 and 5, or even 12 and 6, depending on your lungs, but if you do it consistantly for a few minutes, the effect is truly amazing, i don't really know the science behind it, but i think it's something like when you do this your brain thinks something is wrong because of the way you are breathing, and it sends out some chemicals that relax you. This has made me do a full 180 in my negative mental state before. Try it out whenever your stressed, and if it doesn't help i'll give you a dollar. Actually you should just try it right now after reading this or before you go to bed, do it for 5 minutes, and it will give you an idea of how it effects you, even if you are already calm. I dunno if this post will help you or if it was what you were lookin' for.. but that's just my two cents..

-- Edited by Juniper at 05:57, 2007-09-06

-- Edited by Juniper at 05:59, 2007-09-06

There's a book I picked up in early recovery which still helps today. It is entitled "Of Course You're Angry: A Guide to Dealing with the Emotions of Substance Abuse "

Book Description

Though we may not like to admit it, all of us get angry. At times we feel irked, exasperated, irritated, resentful, even enraged. Anger is a normal and healthy human emotion; learning to acknowledge and express it appropriately, however, especially for those in early recovery, is another story. First published in 1985, this timely revision of the best-selling Hazelden title on the nature and resolution of anger shows us how to make anger work in a positive and effective way that can ease, rather than exacerbate, the problems and challenges of early recovery. In a friendly, nonconfrontive manner, Of Course You're Angry guides readers to discover the source of their anger and the forms it takes -- such as violence, depression, resentment, and manipulation. Authors Gayle Rosellini and Mark Worden continue by exploring various anger styles, and then provide clear, sensible, and practical guidelines for expressing anger, conquering "common conceits," and "wrangling with rancor." Their real-life examples and down-to-earth advice for dealing with anger without fear or guilt -- and without hurting oneself or others -- offers addicts as well as their family members and friends a way passed one of the most dangerous pitfalls of early recovery.

About the Author
Gayle Rosellini has worked and published widely in the field of chemical dependency.

I looked this up as I don't have the book around :) Might want to see what it's about; it helped me and keeps helping me even today in my recovery. Here's a link to some of the other books, one of which is about anxiety....I hadn't heard about that one yet.  http://members.wizzards.net/~mlworden/turb/anger.htm

Hang in there brother; seems the more we work on ourselves, the more that comes out. I can really relate as far as the "I've turned into my dad" as I've turned into my mom in alot of ways....too bad it wasn't the good stuff eh?

Love and Hugs to ya Vini and thanks for the post Juniper....I may practice that breathing technique during meditation :)  Love you guys :)

Sounds like there are two different issues you are struggling with, V.

Your resentments with your father and yourself. - You know what the solution is here. You gotta work the steps.

Communicating your feelings during an arguement. - This is for me and may not apply to you but usually when I get to this point I am not accepting that someone is just how they are. I try to manipulate and control. I blow up when the results do not meet my expectations. I find that if I start off in acceptance, it allows me to control the stuff that I can, my actions and reactions.

Hang in there Vini. The other night I heard that "Things usually aren't as bad as they feel" and "My feeling do not have consequences but my actions do."

I've turned into my dad, my dad was a very forceful personality and he would talk over you and interrupt you all the time, and shout over you if he didn't agree with you. my mom was the quiet people pleaser. my poor mom, growin up she had both me and my dad shouting at her and at each other all the time. i just got done arguing with my boyfriend and i completely bit his head off over a small disagreement. I also have a bad habit of interrupting people when theyre talking, exactly like my dad used to do to me lol. I don't even realize I'm doing it half the time. sounds like a book i could use as well, Glora

Hey man, just like you tell me there is good in me, i'm going to give you the truth, and tell you that there is a lot of good inside you, i would have never guessed that you are struggling with your anger, because you come across as so calm and are the voice of reason when i read your posts, you've helped me out a lot. resentments are hard as hell, i haven't even started to attempt to deal with mine yet, so the fact that you are working on yours is awesome. man.. it's almost 4 in the morning, i suck at the whole sleep thing, but i always log onto the board when i want to go to sleep, because reading all the posts helps to calm me down and center myself. talk to you guys tomorrow.

Thanks Scott I may come across calm but i am the demons seed spawned for satan himself LOL


Raman for some religion may be a means to spiritualty?? i'm not religious much I was raised Catholic and I saw very little spirituality when those Nuns were slapping the hell out of my hands with rulers and flipping my desk over while I sat in it so my idea of religion is a bit shaky anyhow. I don't care much for organized religion but feel its up to each individual to find and get what they need.


The spiritual aspect of this program is another reason why and how this whole thing can work for each of us, we, some, have some serious issues dealing with life on lifes terms and spirituality is the answer but actually putting it to use and using spirituality takes practice and diligent work and me for one are is a lazy person LOL

Blithe, all good advice. I am glad that you posted this. I have been through this anger thing time and time again. Even though I know better, I was letting myself get angry to the point of ridiculousness today with some of the people I work with. Now I Feel stupid, embarassed etc, it is better to just keep quiet, learn something, get rid of the pride, ego and feeling like a victim and accept reality, not everything goes our way.

Good Post

kenh

Today, I read this quote in the newspaper...

Don't teach children not to get angry, teach them how to express anger...

"many these ( religious ) practices left us in very strange mental s tates "


"I ts easy to leave on a cloud of religious zeal "

Quotes from the Basic TeX T of Narcotics Anonymons



-- Edited by Raman at 03:38, 2007-09-09

And I guess it all depends on how one percieves what religion is. For me, I see religion as just a way of life, a spiritual path, just like Narcotics Anonymous. I don't attach dogmas and rituals or the misuse of what the scriptures say by distorting them as the religion itself. The spiritual principles are the same. The word God and Prayer, the two important tools of NA on which our recovery depends are great gifts that we, in NA, have embraced from religion.

However, me being an addict, having this incurable and progressive disease of addiction, I realized that the only way I could open my mind to many teachings of these spiritual paths as experienced by great spiritual people like Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Ramakrishna, Aurobindo etc only when I open my mind to these spiritual precepts through the eyes of the 12 Steps, not through the eyes of the committee in my head

The second, third, seventh and eleventh steps are deeply personal steps for all in 12 step fellowships. These steps gently led me back to my religion and to many other religious precepts that I continue to benefit from today in a perspective which only the 12 steps could have provided me with. One important part of my fourth, fifth, eighth and ninth steps was coming to peace with all my conflicts and misconceptions of many religions and what they supposedly preached (which were actually, I realized and continue to realize even today, based on my limited uderstanding or what I heard or thought I knew)...

I just worked the 12 steps with my Sponsor (did not attempt to explore these religious teachings left on Earth for humankind's benefit), continue to try to live these steps in my daily life, and the rest of it just transpires in this process... sometimes, through a quote from the scripture that catches my eye outside Churches or Mosques, sometimes, through what someone shares at a meeting, sometimes through the spiritual section in the newspaper, sometimes through a simple gentle touch of another human being or while stroking one of my dogs, sometimes through a soothing caress of wind, sometimes through the Suprabhatham Mantra at my neighbors that wakes me up early in the morning or through silence... The NA program has the capacity, in my experience, to transform the those theories in our Basic Text into spiritual realities in our daily lives, for each of us. I have no doubt about it at all. There are so many ways I realize today through which I can experience the presence of my Higher Power clearly (a "Greater Consciousness" as one way our Basic Text describes our Higher Power) it leaves me amazed and in constant wonder at times. I just need to look at it all from the eyes of recovery and the 12 steps, not from my addictive point of view

Thanks Raman, some of my comments may have initiated your response and your response is correct. We should not distinguish between any Higher Power. Thank you for your good advice as always. I will keep my thought of a higher power to myself and out of NA.

Thanks Brother, in recovery kenh.

Hi Ken,

I have mailed you the extract from It Works How And Why Book. Check your inbox brother Miss your loving posts and active participation here (even though you haven't posted only for a couple of days or so... lol)

Hope all is well with you & your loved ones

Hugs and Love.