Something I shouldn't be doing, but I really care so here goes...
Well, I'm a recovering Alcoholic/Drug Addict.
You could say I was a pretty high bottom person and it was meeting my fiance that saved my life. He introduced me to the program. He had 5 years off of crack/cocaine/pain pills/alcohol, etc.
Well, he relapsed a couple times on pain pills b/c of chronic back pain generated from 4 herniated discs and siatic nerve problems. Well, he finally admitted to his doc that he was an addict and to stop giving him the narcotics. Now, his pain is unbearable even after going to the gym every day.
He also relapsed last year on ecstacy. Here is my point.
My baby is unlike any addict I've ever met in the rooms in Los Angeles. Maybe it'll be less unique here. The thing is, even as a sober one, he is EXTREMELY OVERLY OBSESSIVE in EVERY area of his life. Okay, he quits smoking, now he's a vegan, no, now he's a vegetarian, now he goes to the gym EVERY day sometimes twice a day. He takes melatonin because he can't sleep at night, HE CONSTANTLY WANTS SEX. If I don't give it to him, he masturbates like 2 times a day. He says he can't sleep unless he does it. His moods are up and down. If he drinks too much coffee, he is paranoid and can't go anywhere. You guys...I'm not kidding and I'm sure it's nothing you haven't heard before...
I'm really concerned about him. WHen we were out there together, he COULDNT stop. He never thought he was high enough....
Idk....Is it okay to ask you guys? I get really worried about him....
You might find some good support at a Naranon or Alanon meeting. Naranon and Alanon members have more experience to share with those living with an addict. Our experience is more along the lines of dealing directly with an addict who wants help.
All the best to you and your fiance. I hope you both find some peace.
#1, I am a guy too, so this is a guy's perspective. #2, I live in SoCal, not that I would ever break anonymity, but just so ya know.
I don't know if I have much to offer except support and a personal opinion. You state that he is working a program, which is a good thing. I presume you are both staying clean, going to meetings, working steps, have sponsors, etc. If that is the case, then we're on the right path and going in the right direction.
I *think* you are asking if your fiancee's behavior is normal. Or in your words.. "unique". I don't think he is "unique" I know people in the fellowship who are very similar. One of them is in my sponsorship family, he is an adrenaline junkie, ever since he quit his drug of choice he spends his time and money on various thrills, extreme sports, etc. By his own admission he says he has always done things in excess. Another guy I know was similar to what you mentioned about quiting smoking and changing dietary lifestyle. He quit smoking, became very very particular about what he ate, [mostly all natural health foods and supplements] worked out 5 days a week, etc. Is that a problem? I don't know, I suppose if responsibilities are being ignored as a result, but if not, then it's just one's personal preference. Is it obsessive? I don't know.. maybe? If it IS an obsession, it that a problem? It is only if you have a problem with it.
On the subject of sex. My personal opinion is that some people simply have a stronger desire for sex more often than others. Is it normal? I don't know, the only normal I know of is the "normal" cycle on my washing machine. I must admit, I am a 46 year old married male, I think about sex at least 10 times a day. I don't always have sex every day, but I know people who do. One of my best friends is a gal, she says her husband complains because she wants sex everyday and he's just not up for it that often. So she masturbates once or twice a day. Does that make her a sex addict? I don't think so, she just has a stronger sex drive than her partner. [BTW that female friend is not an addict or in any kind of recovery]
Maybe the suggestion about alanon or naranon might help? My wife is not an addict, she went to alanon once and said it was not for her. I've never been, so I don't have an opinion. Years ago a recovering freind of mine in the program was getting married to another recovering addict. They decided to go to couples counseling prior to their wedding. I wont get into details, but basically the professional said that they very possibly could have a rocky road ahead due to some incompatibilities. They married anyway knowing where they stood with each other. However, one of them thought that they would change the other one eventually. [does that ever work?]
Only you can answer if you love your partner for who they are. If you do, then great. Personally I believe that every couple experiences a few differences and wishes one or two things about their partner was different or better. But if there are deep concerns about behavior or personality conflicts, that's different. That's something that only each individual can answer for themselves. Or maybe do as one couple I know did, they went to couples counseling for professional guidance.
Thanks for sharing, especially on sex. Glad I read your perspectives. I agree with what you shared, and also, some of what you shared filled the missing link in my perspective
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
