And today my remodeling/redecoration is officially finished. The walls are painted, the new curtains are hung, and the last painting has just been put back on the wall. PHEW.
And I got my bank account opened yesterday morning and the account number and everything is locked away in a filing cabinet so if i ever wanted to make a withdrawal i would have to come home, unlock the drawer, get it out, drive to the bank and go to the counter to get any money out of it. That should be enough time for me to stop myself in case i try to do anything impulsive or insane. Sigh...Its going to be awhile before I trust myself lol.
This next week I'm going to start looking for a job, I've been supported by my boyfriend and others for too long and i need to stand on my own two feet at some point, but I'm just going to look for something part time right now - to get into the feel of having a job and being a 'normal' person. I haven't had a 'normal' job ever really, not one that lasted any amount of time. and I don't even know what to put on my resume. I don't think strip clubs look too good as past work history.
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
You gotta start somewhere. It's great you're taking the initiative to get out there.
That was hard for me when I got out of treatment. Explaining my gap in employment had me up in arms until I just went and did the damn thing. The rest, as they say, is history! I have a part-time job now that I absolutely adore and I'm thinking of going into business for myself!
There are possibilities out there... asking for a little guidance is the best advice anyone ever gave me. Good luck on the job search!!
I am still pretty psycho, just not near as psycho as i was 40 days ago. A part of me is just trying to make up for lost time. I'm 34 years old and i have nothing to show for my life except allot of bad memories, allot of guilt, and allot of scars, physical and emotional. I don't want to end up on the street and thats exactly where I'll be if I don't stay clean. I am not a 'functioning addict'. When i use i go straight down and i go down fast.
For the first time in so long its like i see a way out - and i'm grabbin it and holding on for dear life. I just want to be able to hold my head up and look people in the eye and not be ashamed of who i am anymore
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
Keli, congrats on 40, the redecorating, and job hunting!
Whenever I look for a new job, I experience a wide range of emotions: hope, fear, excitement, sometimes anger and disappointment, sometimes faith and confidence. I've learned, though, that not getting a job is not personal. It's not about rejection or failure. It's about a door closing because that is not the right place for me at that moment.
Similarly, I've learned not to accept every job offer that comes along. Some jobs just don't feel right. I can tell when I get that sinking feeling in my gut or when I'm faking interest and excitement at the interview.
Congratulations on the 40 days, it's really fantastic! I agree with Blithe, there are lots of jobs out there. Try to find a place where you fell comfortable with the people. The money is important but not as important as the way you feel, especially in the beginning. Good luck on the job. Talk to you later.
Kenh
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
Hey Keli, great going Recovery's always happenin'... I guess we just need to be able to recognize these miracles in our daily lives be it the first day clean or the fifth year clean... I always go gentle on myself, loving myself back to recovery, just like my Higher Power would want me to Slow but sure... Faith is a powerful tool against our fears... Lost dreams awaken... New possibilities arise...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thank you Tahir, your posts always seem to calm me down and make me take a deep breath. I'm finding out that clean and sober i tend to be a high strung person who wants everything to be done YESTERDAY, and i'm learning that i need to slow down and keep it simple
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
Recovery's always happenin'... I guess we just need to be able to recognize these miracles in our daily lives be it the first day clean or the fifth year clean... I always go gentle on myself, loving myself back to recovery, just like my Higher Power would want me to 
