i went to my old treatment center friday night meeting last night. Want a refresher?? thats what it was. I'm so grateful to that place, i learned alot there. A newcomer came with me. Only a 40 min drive to the big city. Good convo while traveling. We talked lots about anger, anger is the only thing i know of stronger than fear...newcomer said " anger is the only thing that she can see that takes her to a relapse"... I suggested that she quit telling herself that...as it would be permission for her to use. I Love it when i see light bulb moments in another person, and I know what those moments feel like :) I shared how I learned to breathe in, breathe out and not use in between :) I shared how ... i stop saying MY drugs...MY drinks.... i don't own them today nor do i want them to own me, Today its MY RECOVERY, MY MEETINGS..MY SERENITY...
IN active addiction, my relapse lasted for a year,... my sister called me one day and said... I've been thinking bout you Wendy...and when you are using...you have control. I said huh...what?? What she meant was...i then have control of others pain, Well i gave her a few choice words and hung up... I realize today how right she was but also how i was choosing to live in pain, guilt and shame. I also remember how freakin' hard it was to come back to recovery!! And i don't have to live there today...all about choice, I thank my higher power that I have a choice!!!! I don't have to do DAY 1 again if i make the right choices today.
A visit to my treatment center occasionally and reading the placard on the wall above the entrance that says, "The rest of your life begins here from today" is always a spiritual experience for me. Nothing to strengthen my realization that I AM an addict, and I WOULD BE an addict for the rest of my life than a visit to the place where I was born again... Also to reflect where I was, where I am and where I could go
Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience you had, Wendy. Hugs and Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Wendy thanks for the share. Makes me feel good that you had a chance to help someone and that most of you here are helping someone on a daily basis. I know where you are coming from getting back to normal after a relapse, tomorrow never comes. It takes a while for the shame and guilt to go away. I listen to people, that is what helps me. I get more out of someone sharing than I do reading books. Thanks for helping me today.
Kenh.
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
