Hey everyone... I am Stefanie a recovering heroin and crack addict. Yesterday marked nine months without using for me. Although I have been to countless rehabs and NA meetings in the past, that is not what helped me get clean. My mother and my boyfriend's extreme disappointment in me is what got me clean. I am 19 years old and I did every "I never" in the book. Anyway the reason I joined this website was to get some things out since I am a full time college student with a full time job I don't have much time to make meetings. Anyway recently more than ever I have been feeling this overwhelming shame about my past that I can not shake. Sometimes it makes me want to use just to take away the feeling I am feeling but I know using is what got me into the situation I am feeling guilty about. I guess I just need to talk more but the thing is...
My boyfriend and I used to use together but he got clean a year before I did and treated it like it was no big deal. When I finally got clean it was a monumental task and still is at times nit he never wants to talk about drugs or spirituality.
Welcome to MIP Stefanie And great big hugs for your 9 months birthday!!!!! way to go girl!! This is a great place and many wonderful people who humbly share their experience strength and hope. YOU and YOUR RECOVERY come first remember this. I know that shame you speak of...i lived there for way to long..honestly my guilt and shame helped take me back to active addiction. continueing to practice a program of action, going to meetings and picking up the phone for starters has brought me out of that shame, today i don't have to live there, actually for me it has become a choice. I choose to live IN today, this moment, right here , right now. |W|e are not bad people Stafanie, we have a disease called addiction, we are good people trying to get better and as long as we don't pick up that first one we are ok. The rest takes time, we do not recover over night.. give yourself a break. Do you still go to NA?
I haven't been to an NA meeting in the entire nine months I've been clean. I got this great job at a casino and I work 3am-10am and go to college from 11:30-6:00pm so I am exausted at the end of the day and most of the time I work seven days a week to keep up with bills and save for a house at the same time. That is why I was interested with this sight when I came across it because my scheduale is so different than most people and I don't of many meetings after 12am.
Yellow, my name is (your name here), I am an addict. It represents the sun. We can see it when we get up in the morning, instead of coming in after a night of using. There is nothing yellow about being in recovery. We're also pregnant with the program at 9 months. How do we get it? We don't pick up!
Hi Steffy dee, thanks for sharing with us. I know where you are coming from with the guilt, shame etc. You have done an amazing thing, getting clean from those drugs. That takes more will power than the non addict world can ever imagine. You have completed a monumental step in the right direction. Please try to stay in touch with the NA groups and more important your spirituality. Every meeting you go to, will be alot of things that you like and don't like. Pick up on the things that make sense to you. There is always one point made that will make you happy that you made the meeting. Glad you are staying clean and strong. I look forward to hearing more of you shares. Thanks again.
Congratulations on 9 months!!
In Recovery, Kenh.
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
