I just moved into my dorm 5 days ago, and had to start self-detoxing the minute i got here, feeling better now, just lonely and bored, i am happy about the fact i don't know anyone, keeps me out of trouble, but at the same time it's not too fun being home-sick and dope-sick at the same time, i decided to brave the city roads to go to a meeting today, a lot different than my country roads back home where you can just cruise along and enjoy the view, but today in the meeting there was a guy talking about how he had 8 years clean time and then relapsed. How can i expect to stay clean for more than a month when i hear that, i've only been to a dozen NA meetings or so, but i don't really talk, i just get really anxious, i guess i'll keep going to the meetings out here, because i have nothing else to do.
Your young juniper and have a long happy life ahead if you can stop using thats what you have to look forward to otherwise, your life is probably going to be pretty miserable and messed up those are your choices today.
Do it one day at a time just like the rest of us are, try not to jump ahead in the game , it's tough staying clean no doubt about it you can either do whats suggested and whats known to work or give and become a prisoner of your addiction.
People stumble Juniper, time doesn't matter theres things that get missed there are things that will throw you so far out of knowing what to do and how to handle them that at times it feels hopeless. For instance I love sobriety but I let myself get frustrated with people and things and want to give up and I also want to blow up and i do at times, i get so sick of doing the same things over and over again things that make my life unhappy and others lives unhappy, do I use over them today? HELL NO i try to work on it and work the program and HOPE for better days ahead but i'm not giving in to my addiction its always going to be here I just need to learn to not give into its pull, because IF I use this is going to be alot worse.
Take it easy Juniper, easy does it, keep it simple, have hope and hang on it gets better.
Glad your here keep coming back, we want you here and clean and getting thru school with good grades and making good friends and having a successful career and life ahead.
It does get better. I have thought the same things. if this person has such and such time and went back out how can i do it. But the reality is, when you keep coming around you will also see the person... and this is my own personal experience, with 15 years, and 20 years. My grand sponsor has 36 years clean. We all have just for today like vin said. Go to meetings, and just listen if you feel uncomfortable. As time goes by and you keep coming back you will notice it will get easier to talk and share. We were all at the point you were at. just have faith that things will get better. Just dont take anything... no matter what. and when you think about using play the whole tape through and think were it took you when you were at the end. Remember how it feels to wake up dope sick. remember how it feels to screw over your family and friends. when you do that you will probablly realize its not worth it. Thats what i do atleast. Just keep coming back
As they say.... " Bring your ass.... and soon your mind will follow."
Keep sharing. Don't take anything. and i promise things will get better. Just don't give up before the miracle happens
"Bring your ass... and soon your mind will follow." i've never heard that before but i like it hah, it's so hard to take it one day at a time, i'm going to try to go to a meeting at least once a day, with all this free time alone with my mind, i get down on myself hardcore, i've broken my parents hearts so many times, and i know thinking about all the bad stuff in the past, won't help me have a positive future, i just want this to be the time i quit, i want to graduate and make my parents proud for once.. so i guess one day at a time it is... thanks for replying you guys, i'm pretty starved for conversation, but i actually met a cool guy in my dorm today, i dunno maybe things will turn out okay
Hi Juniper, I'm new in recovery as well. I was scared to go to meetings at first and nervous in them but I kept going and now miraculously I have 27 days clean. I don't know if I can stay clean for 6 months, or a year or 8 years but i do know that I can stay clean TODAY. Just take it one day at a time and try to get to at least a meeting a day. 90 meetings in 90 days is what I was told and thats the plan I'm sticking to. Like they say, "Don't quit before the miracle happens!". I hope you keep posting and let us know how your doing.
-- Edited by Keli at 22:09, 2007-08-19
__________________
We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
Don't dwell in the past, but also dont forget where you came from. We all did fucked up shit, we all hurt the people we loved the most, but by remembering that and remembering that using is what got us there will help. Thats what they mean when they said remember the pain. Because thats the stuff that beat us down spiritual mentally and physically, thats when we became willing to do something about it. Keep it fresh in your mind and remember if you do the next right thing and don't use no matter what, you will graduate. and your parents will be proud. but most of all you will be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see.
Just got back from a second meeting today, that is a record for me, first day of classes tomorrow, i only have one class and it doesnt start until 1 o'clock, how awesome. not like it matters im just going to be thrashing around in my bed all night, covers on, covers off, covers on, covers off. i dread the nights now, how long does it take before i will actually sleep more than 3 hours, and get back to my normal sleeping ways?
Hi Juniper, welcome. Glad to know that you made another meeting, inspite of feeling the way you did on your first one That clearly shows you're openminded and willing... that's all it takes my friend... Take what you want and leave the rest. When I hear members sharing they relapsed after a long period of cleantime, I take it positively. Glad these members share it as that clearly reminds me that no matter how long I stay clean, I never stop being an addict, as an addict I can relapse if I don't work the program of recovery on a daily basis. These instances of other members relapsing makes me more vigilant towards my own recovery and I recommit myself to the basics again at such times, doing what I did to stay clean in my first few days... the same needs to be done even now on a daily basis, no matter if I'm 3 days or 3 months or 3 years or 30 years clean... I cannot stay clean today on yesterday's recovery just like I cannot stay high on yesterday's dope lol
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Prayer and working the steps with a sponsor really helped me to sleep....Congratulations and keep going back to the meetings!!! No Matter What!!! Love ya Juniper :)
__________________
Just For Today....I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
Hi Juniper, we all know what you are going through. The good thing and the best thing is that you are not using. Get over the hump and start being the person that you want to be. Your parents will be proud, you will be proud of the things that you are doing. You won't have to lie anymore (think of that!!) You will have credibility. People will rely on you. People will make you happy and mad, they will make you serene and irratible, but it is great to feel something after the times you have probably had with no feeling at all. Keep clean and enjoy all the good simple things that happen every day. One day at a time, it works. Keep coming back, we all want you to stay clean.
Kenh.
__________________
God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
The sleep thing will come in time. Remember we through our biological clock way out of wack while we were out there. Also as the withdrawal symptoms start to go and the sweets and shivers go you will find it easier to sleep. I remember when i was in rehab i didnt sleep at all for like the first week. eventually your body will just shut down and youll get the sleep you need. Just hang on and it will come. Hope that helps
Last night was the worst experience of my life, i watched the sun come up, i was like screaming in my head, i think i'm making it worse cuz i go to bed expecting not to get sleep, so my mind races and i get anxious and angry, my roomate moves in tomorrow, that will make it worse cuz ill have to try to lie still while being wide awake the whole night so i don't wake him up, there was a kid that seemed pretty cool that i met at a meeting, he just got out of being in treatment for 14 months, but i think he went out to use lase night, so now im the youngest one in the meeting by like 40 years, i went today, but left before it started, i don't know what is happening to me cuz i was getting a bit positive, but today is like a 180, there is no doubt in my mind i would have used today if i knew people, i kind of want to find a methadone clinic here, but that stuff is addictive too? i am going insane, today was my first day of college classes, and i had to take hours of notes and already have homework, i feel too crazy to deal with that stuff right now, i feel like im going to fall behind and then just give up all together, all your guys' posts seem to be real positive and happy, sorry for tainting your bored with my negativity.
Its all good man. Just keep in there. you are going to have your ups and downs. one minute you will feel great and then the other minute everything is "negative" just keep doing what your doing. even if its just dumping your feelings on the message board. Just remember Using will only make things worse. School is tough at first either way, this is an adjusting period. Dont think about all of the work and stuff you have to do because you will sike your self out. Just worry about what you have to do for that day. Go to class. take your notes and do your homework. Whatever the next day brings is out of your control. Dont waste your energy thinking about something that has happened yet. Remember ONE DAY AT A TIME. When ever your roommate moves in if your tossing and turning and worrying about things just go take a brief moment. walk to the end of the hall or go out side for a second. Take acouple deep breathes and regroup. You got this. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and if you hang on things will start to get better. Hope this helps player. keep coming back we need ya
Juniper just be aware that methadone withdrawals are even worse than heroin withdrawals, I've been through both. My experience with methadone was like a horrible ball and chain that took me so long and so much pain to finally be rid of. I finally kicked it about 6 months ago but I kept using other drugs til i found the program and got totally clean a month ago.
Just remember, this too will pass. And you will be so grateful and relieved. hang in there and try to get to some meetings and talk to other clean addicts, maybe try out some other meetings to find people your age. And I'm not sure if this is an option but at the university where I live there are resources for students trying to get clean and even meetings right on campus. Does your school have anything like that? Keep posting because we know what you are going through. If the posts here seem happy and positive thats because being clean feels GOOD! But we're all addicts and have been there - and its damn important that we never forget. Your in my thoughts and prayers
-- Edited by Keli at 00:42, 2007-08-21
__________________
We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
Keli, i just spent the last hour searching the internet for NA meetings on my campus, nothing came up, but then i realized, this is a college campus we are talking about, so i typed in AA, and there is one! it's close enough to NA i guess, but thank you so much, i'm very excited now, unfortunately it doesn't start until next monday, but fortunately monday is the only day that my classes won't interfere with the meeting time, i hope i can meet some cool people my age. thanks so much this makes me feel refreshed.
that is awesome Juniper, I'm so glad! Now that i think about it the university meetings here may be AA too, I just know theres several young people in my homegroup who go to the campus meetings too so I was hoping there was something like that where your at. And yes in my opinion if you can't find any NA groups then AA is definitely close enough, the 12 steps are the same in both. I'm so glad that things are looking up for ya - hang in there for another day, its so worth it! (((hugs)))
Your friend in recovery, Keli
-- Edited by Keli at 08:12, 2007-08-21
__________________
We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
That clearly shows you're openminded and willing... that's all it takes my friend... Take what you want and leave the rest. When I hear members sharing they relapsed after a long period of cleantime, I take it positively. Glad these members share it as that clearly reminds me that no matter how long I stay clean, I never stop being an addict, as an addict I can relapse if I don't work the program of recovery on a daily basis. These instances of other members relapsing makes me more vigilant towards my own recovery and I recommit myself to the basics again at such times, doing what I did to stay clean in my first few days... the same needs to be done even now on a daily basis, no matter if I'm 3 days or 3 months or 3 years or 30 years clean... I cannot stay clean today on yesterday's recovery just like I cannot stay high on yesterday's dope lol
