Last night I went to a meeting I have not been to before. When I arrived, everyone was standing outside smoking. Since I do not smoke and do not wish to inhale or smell like smoke, I went inside. There, I sat in a room alone until everyone rushed in at the time of the meeting and it started.
Halfway through the meeting, there was a "five minute break." Again, everyone went outside to smoke and I sat in a room alone for more like 10-15 minutes until the meeting started again and people trickled in.
At the end of the meeting, most people rushed outside to smoke some more.
No one greeted me. No one welcomed me. I had no interaction with anyone. Having lived in five locations in the past two years, I have attended quite a few meetings for the first time and I am quite sad to report that more often than not, I am completely ignored.
I have been clean for a long time - 20+ years. I have a sponsor and a program and a full, mostly happy life. I want to stay connected and to be of service. I believe that meeting makers make it. I do not want to be one of those oldtimers that drifts away.
But, after too may meetings like last night, I wonder why I bother. Where is the attraction? Why do people not welcome a new face? Why is smoking such a priority? Why aren't sponsors teaching their sponsees to reach out? Why aren't sponsors and home group members reaching out?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
I feel unwelcome and unneeded and unwanted and like I don't belong because I don't smoke and I'm not fucked up anymore.
i heard a share in a meeting from a girl who was not happy with meetings, it took her sharing about it to open up our eyes, sharing lets us know where a person is at. Blithe we need you, and we need you to share at the meetings. I'm sorry no one greeted you, by chance though did you reach out your hand to shake and tell them you were visiting? We are addicts and most of us are fucked up...well i know i am...the difference for me today is that i'm clean...but still unmanageable. Still caught up in my own self. Please keep coming to the meetings.
Thank you for your comments and encouragement. My husband, who is also in recovery, made the same suggestion: That it's time I start sharing about this at meetings. That perhaps people are unaware.
As for me reaching out to others, that is part of my point: I can only do that if I go stand outside in clouds of smoke, which I prefer not to do. I don't think I should have to make myself smelly and sick to get some fellowship.
some of my none smoking friends will go out with the smokers to get fellowship at break and before or after the meeting if there is no other none-smokers, however if a few that dont smoke are at a meeting they hang together. i also have been in recovery quite a long time and at this point if i dont stick out my hand and introduce myself im not gonna get any attention (maybe cause im not a young pretty girl anymore?) now when i go to a meeting i have weirdness over the fact that im old enough to be the mom of these kids.!! freaky! i dont think you're ever finished with this journey.......always lots to learn.
I don't know why members at your local meetings behave the way they do in your context Blithe, but am I glad that you're here with us. Your posts here have had a calming effect on me from the time you joined us here. Your presence here is cherished and much appreciated. I guess these members who are more obsessed with their urge to smoke than to reach out and make you feel welcome are missing out on your ES&H Anyways, I'm glad that we don't get to miss it here.
Warm Regards & Fellowship Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
V - That is a very good suggestion - thank you. I can focus on the message during the meeting and maybe read some literature or something during the annoying break.
Tahir - I feel the exact same way about your posts: they always bring me peace and interesting topics to contemplate. I am so grateful we have met on this board.
Anyways, I'm glad that we don't get to miss it here. 
