I've heard it said that in early recovery life gets good, then it gets really good, and then it just gets real. Well I'm just hitting the real stage. I'm over two years clean my life it good. I have many blessings, but I seem to be amasing things that bug me. I've tried to focus on gratitude, but when it slips away again I get sad and angry that I can't hold on to it. I feel my program slipping and it scares me. This is my pattern when stuff gets hard I quit. I'm weighed down by resentment and feel outside of the program. When I try to talk to my sponsor, we seem so far apart. I don't know what to do?
I can completely relate to your post. I find that my relationship with recovery is like any other relationship. It has its ups and downs, runs hot and cold, sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing! And other times I'm so incredibly grateful.
I find that all of the moods, emotions, whatever are quite temporary. What really counts are (a) my commitment and (b) my actions.
(a) My commitment remains strong for several reasons. Even when I'm not feeling it, I still believe what people say. I believe its just as bad out there as it ever was. I believe that my disease is just as powerful as ever, maybe even more so. I know I do not want my old life back. Even when my new life isn't all pretty and easy, it's still a whole lot better than using. You know, recovery doesn't promise that we feel the love all the the time. However, it does promise freedom from active addiction and I certainly have that.
(b) It doesn't matter how I feel, my actions remain the same. My actions remain consistent. I still go my regular meetings. I still talk to my sponsor. I reach out to the newcomer. I take service commitments. I keep in touch with my support group. I do not participate in activities that hurt myself or others. I try really hard not to my life or situation worse.
Feelings come and feelings go. Sometimes they are based in reality. More often they are not. Whether real or not, they can be very powerful! From them I learn about myself. Recovery teaches me how to manage them. Because they are temporary and always changing, they are not the basis of my decisions.
Goodmorning everyone and thanks for your Shares and letting me post.
Life gets real for me only by Gods Grace One Day at a time. It's purely by God giving me and you a Special Gift because of the willingness to just try something to get off the rollercoaster of constant addiction and oblivion. For me my choice of drugs boiled down 28 years of messing around with serious Cocaine and alcohol. The chasing money and the lifestyle that it carried with it. I was a miserable woman then. Today I am so much better, not perfect but better.
REAL LIVING in Sobriety, discipline, and the relationships that we each are given during our entrance of Recovery. Then after we have finished our 12th Step a "SPIRITUAL AWAKENING" that is talked about and that many can Testify about in Recovery is Powerful. It was for me, I certainly transformed into someone different right away.
Step 11 in Narcotics Anonymous states on page 43 that " As noted everywhere, our prayers seemed to work as soon as we entered the program of Narcotic anonymous and we surrendered to our disease.
For me my growth comes from Gods Will in my life everday. As he guides my fingers to type this on the message board for those of you that are getting something from it. I am so grateful.
Keep reading and TAKE WHAT you WANT and LEAVE the REST. Live and Let Live, LEt Go Let God, Stay away from Slippery People Places and Things. Love your neighbor as yourself.
After saying my prayers of thanks and praise to God then asking for God to lead me during my day, and for His perfect Will to be done in my life for today. It turns out to be a great day for me if I am not the driver of the car.
Everyday is a New Day for all of us. It is but a faint memory to look back at who I was 13 and 1/2 years ago. That person has all but disappeared because of the GIfts that I received early on in learning the Simplest of 12- Step programs. The 12- Steps of Recovery showed me how to get real and live in a real world.
Each Sponsor has shown me how to go just a little bit further and that someone really can care about me without deserting me even when the road is rough. I was a very SICK WOMAN a liar a cheat, a theif. Today I am not that woman that I was and I am so GRATEFUL to GOd first, my husband, friends, to the program, church, and the strangers he puts into my life path everyday that Minister to me. To make me into the Woman I am today.
