Better to see where we have been blind in this life -- toward others and about ourselves -- than never to see at all; otherwise, we'll just go on blaming whatever "walls" we walk into for getting in our way!
Blaming conflict-filled feelings on any condition or person outside yourself is like getting angry at your shoes for being laced too tight.
So here's an effective inner life step designed to help you grow and to develop greater spiritual strength: No matter what happens, never blame anyone -- or anything -- for the way you feel. Rising above the blame game is the same as learning how to be in total command of yourself.
Now comes an interesting surprise. In the step described below, it isn't what you do that contributes to your spiritual strength; it's what you don't do that bestows the greatest gain. And, as you'll now learn, it's your aim not to blame that finally bestows the new strength you seek.
Irritated inner states never seek solutions; they only seek reasons for why they have a right to exist! These states constantly feed you "good reasons" as to why you feel badly. The weakness that blames others blinds you to your real inner condition, which is going nowhere except around and down.
The next time you feel yourself starting to become frustrated, angry or scared, do your best to confirm this next vital insight: Negative emotions cannot exist without having something to blame for their punishing presence.
The clearer for yourself you can make this spiritual fact -- about the dualistic nature of spiritual weakness -- the better prepared you'll be to take your next step toward higher spiritual strength. Your discovery leads you to this totally new action. Whatever it takes, don't express that surfacing irritation by naming or blaming anything outside of you as being its cause.
Even if you have to remove yourself physically from the developing situation, then do it. Find some way to temporarily isolate yourself -- along with your smoldering emotional state. Please note: Isolate yourself along with your agitation. If it helps to make what appears to be a bitter pill taste better, think of these inner-trials as the pause that spiritually strengthens, for a new strength is exactly what you'll win for yourself each time you elect to work with this step.
Voluntarily isolating yourself along with your irritated thoughts and feelings doesn't mean cutting them off; nor does it mean that you should pretend that you're not on fire. Suppression of these weak inner states is just the opposite of angrily expressing them, and every bit as harmful. Don't express -- or suppress -- any negative state. Besides, either one of these opposite approaches always produces the same results; nothing changes except for what's being blamed. Choosing to not blame lifts you above both of these losing choices.
Your conscious non-action turns you into the objective witness of what are your own superheated emotions. And from the safety of this higher awareness you see about yourself what you couldn't see before because of all the inner fire and smoke. Your discoveries empower you to cancel the real cause of your inner combustibility. Not only is your self-command restored, but it's heightened. Each discovery of an unseen weakness heralds the coming of a greater spiritual strength.
Be sure to practice the pause that spiritually strengthens. Refuse to blame.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Without understanding our motives, we can easily lapse into behavior aimed at manipulating others. Sulking is a means of letting others know we are displeased and forcing them to attempt to win our approval. Flattery is a false expression of approval that we don't really feel - giving others good strokes for our own purpose. Withholding deserved praise is a means of putting others down, something we're likely to do because of our jealousy.
Manipulative behavior is almost always selfish behavior. It is usually a false means of trying to get our own way. It is certainly an immature way of dealing with people and situations.
The best way to avoid being manipulative is to be ourselves at all times. We have neither the right nor the responsibility to control or regulate other people. Our best approach, in trying to influence another's actions, is simply to state our own case with sincerity and honesty. Others must be free to act, free to choose, and free to make their own decisions without manipulative interference on our part.
I will be myself at all times today. I will not assume false roles simply for the purpose of bending others to my own will. Manipulative behavior is controlling behavior, which I must avoid.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
