"As we grow, we learn to overcome the tendency to run and hide from ourselves and our feelings."
Basic Text, page 81
Rather than risk vulnerability, many of us have developed habits that keep others at a safe distance. These patterns of emotional isolation can give us the feeling we are hopelessly locked behind our masks. We used to take risks with our lives; now we can take risks with our feelings. Through sharing with other addicts, we learn that we are not unique; we do not make ourselves unduly vulnerable simply by letting others know who we are, for we are in good company. And by working the Twelve Steps of the NA program, we grow and change. We no longer want or need to hide our emerging selves. We are offered the opportunity to shed the emotional camouflage we developed to survive our active addiction.
By opening ourselves to others, we risk becoming vulnerable, but that risk is well worth the rewards. With the help of our sponsor and other recovering addicts, we learn how to express our feelings honestly and openly. In turn, we become nourished and encouraged by the unconditional love of our companions. As we practice spiritual principles, we find strength and freedom, both in ourselves and in those around us. We are set free to be ourselves and to enjoy the company of our fellow addicts.
Just for today:
I will openly and honestly share with another recovering addict. I will risk becoming vulnerable and celebrate my self and my friendship with other NA members. I will grow. pg. 150
Yesterday, I dragged myself to a meeting with a lot of pain in my heart. Sat there queitly listening to a couple of shares. Then I heard that one thing that my Higher Power wanted me to hear, about how important it is that I share about what I'm going thru in my recovery at a meeting. Still, I was hesitant. How would I ever share about how I acted out on my defects and how I acted so terribly? What would others think? Would they gossip about me?
Then I raised my hand and poured my heart out. I felt a huge weight lift from my chest. And you know what, after I came back from the meeting, my acting out seized. I was at peace. After a week of turmoil and confusion, I woke up joyous and grateful this morning. If I had not allowed myself to be vulnerable and take the risk of sharing it all in a meeting, I am sure I would have woken up this morning more miserable than the last one week, and would have continued to act out on my anger and other defects...
Certainly, it is definitely advantageous and healing to bare it all, to move from suppression to release, from darkness to light, from isolation to a Power greater than me... No matter what my fears, apprehensions, doubts, hesitation and denial try to convince me...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
