Hey guys, I haven't posted here but once, and I try not to ask from people that haven't already asked from me, but I really need somebody to talk to. I have 36 days clean today, and I've been "trying" to get clean for six months. This is my first thirty day feat, and I feel like it won't be the last. I feel like another white tag will be joining the collection here soon.
I am currently living with my alcoholic mom and step-dad. They both have Hep C, and my mom will be starting treatment for it tomorrow... yet they're both sitting outside drowning their livers right now. When I was using, I could join them happily.... but now I can't even talk to them without my heart rate skyrocketing and my face flushing. My step dad came in and asked me if I wanted to get high. He's talking about this "great" new drug he has. I had to force myself to say no. He said I should get it while he was drunk. Then, after I refused to take his drug, he accused me of taking his xanax. I completely understand him not trusting me, but if I can turn him down now, why would I steal his pills? I really don't know what to do anymore. I really want to use, but the pride that I felt in picking up my very first thirty day tag keeps flashing through me. I just don't know how long that will hold. I can't talk to anybody about how I feel, because my mom thinks I'm too young to have an addiction, my straight edge friends can't understand what it's like, and I'm really trying to stop talking to my friends that do use. And, I've been trying to get to a meeting all week, but I can't get a ride out there, and I only know one person that goes and she won't return my calls. Wow, this went from asking for advice to complaining. And even still, I have tears streaming down my face. Tell me, is this a teenager thing (I'm sixteen), or is what I'm feeling a genuine addict/ anybody feeling? Just wondering, because my mom says I'm not that bad, and I while I love hearing that, I would hate for her to be sugar coating some problem that may affect the rest of my life, or the lack thereof if I decide to pick up again.
Hi Kati , Welcome to MIP. What you are feeling is very normal, not just a teenage thing. I have a 17 year old son thats in recovery too, he will be celebrating 1 year next month. From what he tells me the emotional roller coaster is harder when your a teen. I'm 42 and have 2 years clean next month and I disagree, some days I feel the same way he dose. Sounds like you really need a meeting, I would suggest that next time you are at one you try to find more people that can drive you, depending on one person wont always work. Don't feel you have to do something in order to deserve the help, helping others is the way this thing works. I truly hope you can find a way to get to the meetings because they really do help. If you cant there are on line meetings here, not sure of the times but I know they are posted on the home page. Lots of good people here that would love to help you. LNF Sandra
WoW what a situation is there anyway to get out of there and maybe into a treatment center where you could have a safe environment to be in?
Congratulations with 30+ days and especiially good considering where you are at, i guess your moms been told that the treatment is'nt going to work very well as long as she's still drinking and or using? why even bother really....
As for you follow whats been suggested and get out there and find SOMEONE or a few someones to help you get to meetings you have got to do more somehow and get out of that place where you can get some help.
We welcome you here we have meetings every night, and this board make yourself at home as much as possible, read the literature and share we want to see you back Kati.
Thanks guys. I'm feeling much better now. I had to remind myself to take on a different perspective (that of my stressed out mom's), and that as an addict- first thought's always wrong, first thought being to freak out and use. I appreciate all you both said. It really helps to hear encouragement and positivity. Thanks. =D
Once you get past these things there is a grat sigh of relief if you dont get past them there will be a great dry of regret, we know that to well get used to some good things happening with your recovery #1 being staying clean no matter what!
