What exactly is enabling? my son will be leaving rehab aftercare soon. He still lacks a lot of practical life skills. What's helpful ? what isn't ect...? thanks
Jody you really need to go to alanon for your specific situation dealing with an addict. Enadling is a form of dependancy and its an illness of itself.
I will give a few examples off the top of my head.
Co-signing BS. For instance he says he's going to go and hang out till 12:00pm with some of his old freinds and for you not to worry about him getting into trouble , don't co-sign that you know if he's hanging out with his old friends he may end up doing what his friends are doing and that might meam using.
Asking you for money thisis something he can do himself if you give him money thats enabling
Taking on the blame for his behavior and actions
Theres just a few items for instances theres alot more for you to learn about this and yourself jody.
While I was using, my mother and father were enablers. They did anything and everything possible to help me, and I took advantage. So answering your question is very difficult, because enabling comes in many forms. Being a parent myself, I wonder how much enabling i will do when my son gts older.
In any case, going to Alanon or Narc-anon meetings is a good start. Us addicts are people that are used to being completely self centered, so if you feel like something you are doing feeds his ego, pride, or self centered tendencies, then don't do it.
You will probably find tyourself second guessing alot of things, but part of the healing process is making mistakes and learning from them. My suggestion to you is that you and your son bang out the rules and regulations at home so that you are both comfortable with the proverbial "lay of the land". From there, its going to be a learning process for you both! Good luck in your journey together!
Peace out,
Brett
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Faith: the substance of things hoped for, the belief in things unseen
