I've been reading up a lot about coke addiction. Most say they think they have a drug problem cuz they're starting to use every weekend. They used to use about once a month and now they're using every week. Jeez, then I must really have a problem. I use everyday, all day for almost 2 years now. I carry a vial around with me......I take a bump every 15 minutes, every half hour or so........wherever I am, wherever I go. When my nose bleeds it scares me. It's fresh, red blood and I'm afraid that one day it won't stop.
It's funny how such a little thing completely takes over your life, takes control of you......and then it's the only thing you ever think about. I make sure I have some on me before my stash runs out. I tell myself this is the last month......always I tell myself that. I've been telling myself that since I first started.
I used to think drug paraphernalia was just ridiculous. Why spend money on that stuff when you can use stuff you have around the house? I can't believe how much I have now. It just makes it more convenient I guess......
I guess I feel helpless now.....helpless, hopeless, whatever. I've tried to go to a few meetings but they're pretty scarey, the people and everything. I'm not like them, all those others......but of course, I am.
I want to stop. I really, really, really do. But sometimes I think I never can and it's scarey to think about that. I guess I need help.
I too did not think I had a problem for 6 years. I had a business, two cars, and a home. I tried recovery and looked around the room and said to myself. I am not like this one, or I have not done the things that one did. I must not be that bad.
At the end, I was that homeless junkie begging for your change. So, I know where you are. The hopelessness had me and I just could not do it any more.
I came here kicking and screaming, but I needed something. I don;t know if you have a problem, that is something you must come to yourself. But, I can tell you that my life has gotten so much better since I stopped using.
You are the most important person in here. Please give yourself a break and get to a meeting. Tell the women there you are new and you will be amazed at how many women have been through the same.
I'm a crack addict I loved cocaine the first time I ever did it I was on it as much as I could possibly afford to keep it running up my nose and into my lungs and even in my veins I am clean 9 months now, it can be done.
Hi Jenna, thank you for sharing with us. Welcome to Miracles In Progress. Keep coming back, we need you.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I guess I feel helpless now.....helpless, hopeless, whatever. I've tried to go to a few meetings but they're pretty scarey, the people and everything. I'm not like them, all those others......but of course, I am.
Better to have you here with us then out there doing what you've been doing, right?
I noticed you guys say, "we need you" a lot. Why is this? Do new members help you guys as much as you help them?
That's exactly how it works! It's a two-way street, win-win for both. That's how it all started with two drunks way back in the 1930s who formed AA, and that's how it works today, for me and I'm sure for hundreds and thousands across the world. Alone I can't. Together We Can!
The whole program works on a condition that I can only keep what I have by giving it away. If I don't, then I lose what I have. And in giving, I take. That way, my whole life, staying clean and recovery depends on other members, especially newcomers, is it not? So I need others in the fellowship more than any other thing that I could ever need as my life depends on it. And through the process of living the Steps in my daily life, I have realized that the only thing that could connect us all in this mutual journey is "love". Just because one doesn't see love, it doesn't mean that there is no love out there. For me, I see, feel and experience love freely, loving and being loved, I have found in abundance on online forums, with people I haven't seen or met, but who know me inside out from years, including my sponsor...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
And the best thing that an oldtimer could have said to me when I had my last relapse was this same line, "WE NEED YOU". I'm grateful that he said that. After that, I really felt that I truly belonged in NA, and never had to go back to wilderness again... I was loved until I could see love and feel love...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
